Posts tagged ‘college’

IT’S HEEEEERRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!!!


I’m so excited!! I’m so excited!! I’m so excited!! I’m so excited!! I’m so excited!! I’m so excited!! I’m so excited!!

In just a few SWEET hours my absolute favorite thing in the whole and entire UNIVERSE happens!!!!
::: No, not THAT! 😉 :::

AUBURN FOOTBALL KICKS OFF!!!!!

auburn_tigersI mean, ok, despite taking a number one QB (KODI myheartBURNSforyou) and inexplicably making him a second team Wide Receiver (?!?!?!) and putting that awsome hot young thing Tyrik Rollison at third-team QB – behind those fuckers who couldn’t get it done last season – Chris Todd and Neil Caudle (does NOT compute!) – WHATEVER! I don’t care (right now)! Because today it’s all possibilities and sunshininess and glittery rays of promise coming down from the heavens for my beloved AU and NOTHING (right now) will get in the way of the audacious hopification I am vibing (right now)!!!
And, not for nothing, but let’s just hope my guys keep it classy instead of going 20 kinds of dumbass like Oregon’s LeGarette Blount did last night on the Smurf Turf at Boise State.
Dumbfuckery Supreme!!

Advertisements

September 4, 2009 at 10:27 am 5 comments

Finally! Football.


It’s Monday and that means there’s bad shit [Pennsylvania gym shooter] and sad shit [Hudson River crash] and funny shit [Dairy Queen milkshake beatdown] and weird shit [Kurtis Blow is AARP eligible] and stupid shit [mass freak-out over Twitter outage] and, well, SHIT is going on out there, people!

But do I care?
HELL TO THE NO!
Any why is that?

BECAUSE FOOTBALL IS BACK, BITCHES!!!!!!

I mean, I’m sorry it turns out that OxiClean wasn’t the only white powder Billy Mays liked and I sure hope Eunice Kennedy Shriver doesn’t die and all, footballislifebut I spend months each year trying to neutralize my need for the gods of the gridiron by consuming news like last night’s Merlot and scouring all sources for anything football.

I have The Replacements on a continuous loop in my DVD player; I slum it and watch the Canadians (and damnit! I really thought Saskatchewan was gonna do it this season) … fuck! I even TiVo past-season Gator and ‘Nole games off The Sunshine Network!!
My off-season desperation knows no limits!

But the dark days are all behind me now.
The first preseason game of the 2009-2010 NFL season is in the books and the wait for college has been whittled to mere weeks.

And if Auburn could just pick a motherfuckGeneChizikmakeadecisionalready starting QBall would be 100% right with the MY world …

August 10, 2009 at 2:15 pm 8 comments

SOOOOO CLOSE!!!


I was there!
She was there!!
HE WAS THERE!!!

Every ingredient needed for a scrumptious Obama sandwich complete with juicy Cookie filling was there!
But alas … the most fantabulously fantasized ménage à trois ever dreamed about, hoped and wished for … was not to be.

While I was busy getting my Broadway fill of Reasons to be Pretty, Avenue Q and God of Carnage (go fucking see every one of these right fucking NOW!!!) … my boyfriend and the HBIC were one singular solitarily individual day (and just a couple of measly yards) away catching an evening performance of Joe Turner’s Come and Gone.

They even got their eat on over at Blue Hill restaurant!
BLUE HILL RESTAURANT – which is just the other side of Washington Square Park!!
Washington Square Park, people!!!  Which is the teensiest hop, skip and a jump’s distance from Cooper Square!!!!
COOPER SQUARE, BITCHES!! Which is where yours truly (when she wasn’t boozin’ it on Broadway, taking in Times Square or bustin’ her move in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn) was spending groovy graduation times with the next generation’s most bestly truly talenteds!!!

ACK!!!

CURSE YOU MISSED OPPORTUNITY!!!

::: Well, actually curse YOU Secret Service, White House peeps and  political operatives everywhere for  failing to cut a bitch in on the crucial info! :::

SOURCE

June 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm 1 comment

Catholics are SO serious!


Jesus is feeling cheeky todayA student at The Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art‘s School of Art created some paintings that are making some religions leaders all pouty and fumey this week.

See, Cooper puts on an art show at the end of every academic year. The show features original works from the student body. The show is also famously censorship-free.
Yay, Democracy!!

But a group of Catholics are crying foul at some paintings created by student Felipe Baez, which at least one other student may have rightly labeled ‘grotesque shock art’.

Why?
Well, Baeza’s bringin’ the peen (and more) in a couple of his paintings and that’s not, um, sitting so well with the Catholic League for Civil and Religious Rights.

One of paintings shows a man with his pants down and a crucifix in his rectum. A Latin caption says, “The day I became a Catholic.”
::: You former alter boys know what that’s like :::

Another painting shows rosaries with male genitalia.
::: SHOCKING, considering how NON-misogynistic the Catholic church is :::

And there’s one of a man with a halo AND an erection.
::: Yeah, I can see how that might offend. Usually the priest’s robe covers that up :::

“I have the sneaking suspicion that these paintings made the cut precisely because they were an assault on Catholic sensibilities,” complained Catholic League President Bill Donahue.

Hey, the art’s not exactly my taste either but calling it an ‘attack’ is kinda sensitive for a bunch of child-touchers, no?

The Catholic Church is one ginormous glass house … stop throwing stones and CLEAN your house.

June 6, 2008 at 4:01 pm 5 comments

Britney eats a puppy


Brooke Hogan filming on the campus of Florida Atlantic UniversityI’m sure she could – then she’d wash that ankle-biter down with Cheetoh-resin and Schnapps … but actually, this is Brooke Hogan filming some crap for some craptastic show on the campus of Florida Atlantic University … prolly the closest this bitch will ever get to ‘higher education’.

Are we sure The Hulkster didn’t have two sons and one just likes a plunging neckline and hooker heels?

She’s a tranny, right?? She’s gotta be. C’mon … she could totally be a dude … or Brit Brit herself with another 20-30 lubbs on her chin.
Damn girl — when a washed-up 26-year-old who can’t even be trusted to babysit her own kids (or wear a bra or underwear or be properly shod) looks better than you — why even get out of bed in the morning? 

Again — why is she famous?
Either one … 

April 26, 2008 at 12:40 am


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: