Posts tagged ‘Cindy McCain’

Meghan McCain: Dating Martyr


Big Mac ruined EVERYTHING!

First he fucked up what could have been the absolute best ménage à troi in political history.
::: idiot! :::

Then his rabid race-baiting followers grossed voters out even more than his geezer locks and lemony Chiclets.
::: 5 words peepaw: Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa :::

AND NOW his losery loserness has just wreaked utter havoc on daughter Meghan’s love life!
::: nice going, DAD!!! :::

“Of all the things people warned would happen post-election, no one ever said anything about how complicated dating would become,” the lonely ‘ho boo hooed in a blog post for The Daily Beast.
::: … someone needs John Edwards’ cell number – STAT … :::

“There are things that have been difficult, but nothing quite as tough as dating. I fear the election has destroyed my ability and desire to date.”
::: So you had to take one for the team … MAN UP!! ::: 

Miserable Megs also moaned about not going on a single date – NOT A SINGLE ONE! – during the whole and entire presidential campaign.
Bitch was just too busy to get bizzay.

But now that her dad’s put the old Straight Talk Express in park, Meghan’s ready to get her groove on!
Only she can’t.
‘Cuzza dad.

“Once I went out with a guy who said the food I had ordered was a “maverick choice” and proceeded to tell me, “Wow, straight talking must run in the family.”
::: Important Tip: eHarmony doesn’t screen out McCainiacs :::

Then there was that psycho fan of her mother, Cindy McCain, who recently told her she could be “his Cindy,” and asked if she ever wore pearls like her mother.

“Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits [Hillary] and large pearls [Barbara Bush] obviously only finds my last name attractive about me,” she wrote.
::: It really is your best feature, honey :::

“I am sure I am not being fair to all the men out there, but my recent experiences have left me scarred and wary of dating. At this point, my biggest aphrodisiac is an apathetic attitude toward politics.”

Meghan?
Allow me to introduce you to the perfect contestants for your dating game:
DMX … and Fiddy

Problem Solved.
Case Closed.
Now STFU and go gitcha swerve on, girl!

SOURCE

March 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm 24 comments

One large rumor, a stalkery snap on the side and hold the Big Mac


Cindy McCain is a whorebag!
Cindy McCain is a whorebag!
Cindy McCain is a whorebag!

Just in time to have absolutely ZERO impact on the presidential race, the scribes who sponsored John Edwards’ ‘Baby Mama Drama Career Suicide Tour ’08’ have taken a time out from poopy diaper DNA testing to drop this new bomb.

“Sources” tell the National Enquirer they have spied Cindy Lou Who lockin’ lips and gettin’ all huggey with a man who isn’t gonna be doodling “maverick” on the back of his Senate seat next year.
::: and by ‘sources’ we mean Scapegoat Palin. HAHAHAHA, just kidding!!!
… sort of … :::

Mrs. Mac is apparently a big ol’ cheatin’ whorey cheater who has been engaged in all kinds of cheateration going back perhaps as far as Mr. Mac’s first failed presidential bid.
::: Does NOBODY listen to Tammy Wynette anymore?!? :::

Not one to just make shit up (except when they do), the Enquirer is fueling their ‘She’s a flaxen-haired floozy’ rumor train with concrete evidential-type stuff and HARD proofification.
Yesssssss — they have a picture.

<— SEE!!! PROOF!!!!!

A grainy-almost-to-the-point-of-pixellation picture taken at an Arizona music festival two and a half years ago showing a blonde woman (so you know it’s her) with a blonde ponytail (it is sooo her)  locked in a virtually pornographic embrace (total slut) with a man who’s name we don’t know!

My god — it’s just so clear!

Well, uhh – ok, not the photo, or, umm, well the logic, per se  but, uhh, well something is clear!
Yes!
Of that much, we can be sure … or something …

November 13, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Something’s missing


Joe the Plumber’s on board and so is Joe Six Pack.
Heck, even the grand-poobah of political peepaws himself – Joe Biden – is accounted for.
Yet scant days before the most important election in the entire history of all historical electionations ever to have taken place among the esteemed electorate inhabiting all corners of the Milky Way – we seem to have misplaced a Joe!

Where is the crucial Blow endorsement?!?

Don’t the candidates know true, real Americans only care about a health care plan that includes a wide (I SAID WIDE, BITCHES!) array of drug benefits?!?
::: sorry, the morning Prozac hasn’t kicked in yet :::

America isn’t a melting pot as much as it is a medicine cabinet. You can pop a pill for anything that ails ya!

Want to lose weight? Can’t get it up? Blood pressure too high? Thinning hair? Stressed out? Allergies? Common cold? Muscle aches? Stubbed toe? Hangnail?
Take a pill! It’s the American way!

Drugs are a part of everything that is truly American and, therefore, should be embraced as a key pivotal political issue.

Baseball: Steroids
Apple Pie: Preservatives
Mom: Lasix

Whether you’re a craggy AARP Q-Tip workin’ a Plavix fix or a common crack whore searchin’ for some half track – YOU, Mrs. America, have needs no employer-backed plan can possibly cover.

Oh sure, this is a nation of Nickelonians who will nod politely at the ‘You Betchas’ and give nudges of approval to notions of hopification and audaciousness. But make no mistake — it’s also a nation who wants to see their Joe, their ‘everyman’, courted by one of the campaigns too!

When will we hear Big Mac talk about the importance of scoring some bargain-basement Botox for his bride?
::: no stranger to chemical intervention she :::
Where does my boyfriend stand on the critical role the average clucker plays?
::: ‘cuz people pull some crazy ass shit over the rising cost of crank! :::

With granny’s medications costing more than her mortgage, and Vita-G costing a real one – there simply is no bigger pocketbook issue than this one!

The ‘war’ is over — tick tock, fellas!

October 29, 2008 at 4:46 pm

“That One”


Well, ya gotta give him honesty points, at least. His Maverick Beefiness didn’t even try to hide his contempt for his elitist, terrorist-loving fist-jabber of an opponent …

During last night’s second presidential debate, Big Mac asked if the audience knew who voted for the Bush-Cheney energy bill …
::: clearly a rhetorical question — this IS America, of course they didn’t know :::

 … then he thumb-pointed at my boyfriend and said: “That one.”

Wait … what??

Couldn’t squeak out a “he did”?
Didn’t want to go with “my opponent”?
Not even a winky-noddy glancy-type motion in the general direction of the person to which he was referring?!?

Nope — ‘that one’ … and I’m all, like, ‘WOW and stuff, did he really just say that?’ … and then I remembered the way His Most Mavericky Maverickness has referred to his own wife (bless her little c*nty heart!)  … and I wondered if I should be shocked at all.

I’m still wondering …

Photo: Reuters

October 8, 2008 at 1:26 pm 3 comments

Weeks to go and the whining is easy


Hopification and audaciousness be damned, people!
We are at Defcon 5 and the liberal, commie, pinko, treehuggers are rrrrrrready to rrrrrrrrruuuuummble!!!!!!!

Wimpy, freaked out Democrats are telling my boyfriend to get tough and grow a pair already!

The nervous Nellies are havin’ a hissy fit because — despite an economy teetering on the brink of the Greater Depression and that whole war thing and how only rich people can afford food and stuff and mean ol’ Mother Nature raining on everyone’s parade and crappy sitcom television and transfats and Britney being back, bitches — despite ALL of the gloom and doom facing Americans today, polls show an almost even  race between The People’s Prince and His Maverick Beefiness.
::: yeah — it’s a head-scratcher … :::

The Nellies are tellin’ Yummy Tummy to put on his game face and show them a change they can believe in – a change of attitude, that is! Go negative, get mean, be more passionate!
::: Obama + more passion … woo hoo! :::

Doubting doubters …  Barry brings the hotness – AND the fire!!!

” … a lot of people have gotten nervous and concerned. ‘Why is this as close as it is? And what’s going on?’ We always knew this was going to be hard, and this is a leap for the American people,” he said.
::: get ready — the fuego is coming … :::

” … we’re running against somebody who has a formidable biography, a compelling biography.
::: fuego — annnnny minute now … :::

“He’s a genuine American hero, somebody who served in uniform and suffered through some things that very few of us can imagine.”
::: umm, fuego? :::

“The reason I’m calm is I have confidence in the American people.”
::: ok, so that would be a no on the fuego then? :::

It’s a bold strategy – employing diplomacy during the campaign … oh hell, employing diplomacy at all! God knows that shit hasn’t been a part of the American political landscape for a long, loooong time.
We’ll just have to wait and see if this dicey gamble pays off …

In the meantime – never fear – you know why?
Doesn’t matter.

It’s all oooooo-k.

It’s allllll good!
<— A
s long as this vapid bitch is still allowed in public, we’ll get to see some sort of emotional meltdown before the people go to the polls.

Ahhhh — feel better?
Yeah, me neither.

September 18, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Some (more) advice for John McCain


I had a raunchy dream an epiphany last night and it revealed the exact thing Big Mac needs to do to if he wants to put his old buns back in charge!
::: wait for it :::

GIRL ON GIRL!!!!

No no, Macster!! You’ll LOVE it – trust me, big guy!

See, Alaskan voters know where it’s at. They  went to the polls and got themselves a real-live GILF in Sarah Palin.
<—–
Bitch is hot, ‘kay? I mean, she totally smokes ol’ Cindy Lou Who with the dead eyes over there – and so my  proposal is to put Palin in the Veep spot and give her the cushy Captain’s chair on the old Straight Talk Express.

The three of you can drive all over this great nation of ours, indoctinating educating folks young and old (like YOU!) about the ways of the good old GOP. And at the end of each campaign stop, the two recruiters interns licking envelopes in the back of the bus can  break out the air pumps and set up the ring.

You look puzzled … What ring, you say?
Duhhhhh!!!

The inflatable mud-wrestling ring, silly!!

Oh, I mean, you know — you can fill it with mud or creamed corn or Jell-O if you want to — the salient point is to be sure the GILF and the c*__ (oh sorry, I forgot – you “didn’t call her that”), err … the GILF AND SIN-DEEEEEE are appropriately attired for the occasion – which, as you know, means:
::: wait for it :::

Hot Campaign Bitches in ‘Kinis!!!!

Sweet, right?
Trust me man — do it!
It will totally transform that Geritol image you’ve got going and people will be BEGGIN’ for that Maverick Beef in no time!

Smooches and good luck, you sexy thang!! 😉

June 26, 2008 at 3:08 pm 15 comments

‘No Shit’ headline of the day


huh?Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain are study in contrast

REALLY!?!
Ugh

But hey, at least there’s something to read there … unlike this nugget from yesterday.

Seriously — it’s gonna seem like FOREVER until the election if this crap is supposed to pass for ‘news’.

June 10, 2008 at 10:15 am 4 comments

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