Posts tagged ‘Christmas’

So that happened …

With the Newtown Massacre just a super-sized slice of  STILL TOO FRESH :(, it’s no small wonder that my snark just isn’t as up-to-snuff as I like that shit to be.

So I’m not even gonna go there right now.

But I’ll leave you with this …

… and tease you with this snippet of a soon-to-be-revealed MAJOR AWARD — Major Awardthe likes of which is eternally unparalleled with any accolade ever accorded to any living organism ever to have existed throughout the entirety of all of the ages known the man!!!

Yup, it’s that big.

December 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Happy Birthday Big Jeezy!

And to those of you who didn’t get what you wanted … deal.

It’s not time to clock out just yet. 😉


Merry Merry!

XOXO — Cookie

P.S. – Cookie Toss This Week 😉

December 25, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Awful-ly funny

… because Greeneyed girl didn’t find it amusing 😛 …

December 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm 3 comments

Merry Merry, Bitches!

Here’s hoping we all got exactly what we deserved desired 😉
And hoping it wasn’t one of these shittin’ things!

But just in case someone you know harbors a hatred for you deep enough to have purchased one and presented it to you this day, here’s the tee hee transfusion you’ll need to get you through until your therapist is back from vakay … XOXO, Cookie

December 25, 2009 at 12:25 pm 4 comments

And the Wholly Hypocritical Award goes to …

This morning, an eco-conscious acquaintance was bemoaning the fate of the planet in face of the conspicuous consumerism that naturally takes place this time of year and blah blahing on and on about:
— the excessive amounts of garbage generated from piles and piles of discarded product packaging …
— the overuse of electricity from people adorning their abodes with every available form of twinkly holiday ornamentation …
— the gargantuan supply of gasoline wasted by people schlepping from store to store in search of the perfect gift a last-minute stocking stuffer …

I tried to interject on mankind’s behalf  but she cut me off saying she just remembered she had to run to Target to pick up more wrapping paper …

December 20, 2009 at 3:42 pm 1 comment

The Fuggie

Come ON America!

You can do better than this!!

The country that rightly celebrates the majesty of college football, the moxie of manipulations to electoral process and the mastery of military might canNOT be the same country that has so clearly sunk to subterranean sickness by making that wretched remnant we all know as the Snuggie(TM) the number one holiday gift this year.

And yet *sigh* it is.

“The product’s fun, useful nature combined with its affordable price make the Snuggie(TM) blanket the perfect holiday gift,” blah blah’d Anne Flynn – Allstar Products Group’s HBIC of Marketing.

So perfect, in fact, that shoppers are being warned – WARNED I SAY – to rush rush and slap their cash monies down on the fug rug no later than December 11 [THAT’S TOMORROW BITCHES!!!] if you really want to insult Aunt Kay properly on Christmas morning.

Oh but don’t worry fellas, Allstar hasn’t cut YOU out of the gotta have it category when it comes to this grotesque garmant. No sir!

In the wake of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, some new Snuggie(TM) styles and colors are selling out quickly, PR Newswire reports. To keep up with the high consumer demand, Allstar has introduced even more eye-offending prints and colors including:
::: perfect for tree-stand snuggle times :::

Tie Dye!
::: great when the ganga’s too strong :::

And Black and Purple!
::: wonderf … wait – they didn’t offer that shit originally?! ACK! :::

So if you are one of the apparent millions of Americans with no style, taste or creativity this holiday season, get your orders in NOW because nearly all of the current Snuggie(TM) colors and designs will be discontinued after this season.
::: Oh thank God … there IS a Santa Claus! :::


December 10, 2009 at 2:59 am 6 comments

Breaking up is hard to do

It was just a matter of time.

We invite them into our homes, put them on a pedestal and dress them in ribbons and bows and bells and lights.
::: OH MY! :::

We lavish them with praise for being so big! … So beautiful! … So much better than the one the neighbors picked!!!
::: suck it Chuck! :::

We surround them with obscene amounts of gifts and have extravagant celebrations where we introduce them to all of our family and friends.

Then *BAM* — just like a trick ho who can’t pay Big Nate when his share is due — we strip them bare, cast them out into the harsh winter air and leave them to rot in full view of the entire neighborhood.
::: don’t fuck with Nate, ‘kay? :::

So it was, indeed,  just a matter of time before at least one member of the Christmas Tree Commonwealth got her branches in a bunch and brought the ‘Hell Naw!’ when her owner tried to kick her to the cold, cold curb.
::: … she don’t have to take that shit, yo! :::

On December 30, police were called to an area of North Hampton, New Hampshire after receiving a report eviltreethat a “Christmas tree flew out and attacked” an unsuspecting motorist.
::: Get ’em, girlfriend!! ::: 

According to police reports, the driver of a 1998 Ford Escort [DAMN! A Ford?!? DOUBLE DAMN – a ’98?!?!?] said he was driving along, minding his business when a Christmas tree left on a curb for recycling [mmm hmmmm] went airborne in a wind gust and “blew into the grill of his car.”

Damage to the Ford is unknown, but I pine for the pulp, which was a total loss.
::: she died for your sins, you know … :::

January 6, 2009 at 11:16 am 9 comments

Older Posts

This is the shit you bitches are reading

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: