Posts tagged ‘children’

Seriously?


Seriously.
::: meh :::

Today’s ‘No Shit’ bullshit story: Kids who play ‘choking game’ may take other risks, too’.

Seriously?!
Sadly. Seriously.

Someone went out, secured funding and got their study on to prove the obvious obviosity that the precious little snowflakes who find it just nine kinds of F-U-N to obstruct available O2 from finding their little lung units DO, in fact, find risky behavior MORE than nine kinds of rewarding?

Seriously?!
Seriously.

A group of APPARENTLYGOTNOTHINGBETTERTODOers over at the Oregon Health Authority spent some serious clock ticks surveying more than 5,300 eighth-graders to find out if they’d heard of the choking game, and if so, whether they had participated.

Twenty-two percent of children said they had heard of the game, and 6 percent had participated in it.
::: No word on what percent of  pubers lied about either, but I think it’s safe to say that when talking about teens it would be a not tiny tally of the sum total of ’em. Talkin’ truth here … ::: 

And this, gentle readers, is the part where you close your eyes, travel to your mental happy place and take deep, cleansing breaths as you try to block from your mind the reality that THIS WASN’T ALREADY OBVIOUS!?!

Seriously.

April 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm 3 comments

Nick @ Nite is gettin’ naughty, y’all!


The nighttime programming arm of the Nickelodeon network airs a show called ‘Glenn Martin DDS’ every Thursday night at 8.

The show is a claymation-style cartoon thingie all about the wacky, madcap adventures of the traveling dentist and his family as they embark on a cross-country road trip to protest the demolition of Glenn’s favorite childhood park.

And by ‘wacky, madcap adventures’ I mean strippers, sex, gambling and violence, of course!

Shockingly, a national parents’ group has a problem with this.

“They’ve had references to pornography, there’s an ongoing story line about the family dog, which has an extraordinarily large anus,” says Melissa Henson of the Parents Television Council. She’s also the mother of 18-month old Josiah.

“If this is acceptable now,” she says, “when my son is 7, 8, 9 years old, what kind of content are we going to be seeing on programs he may be asking to watch?”

My guess? The same ones daddy already watches on the computer when you’re not around.

TRUTH!

But seriously folks, early exposure to naughtiness is delicate business so never forget that YOU are the parent. If you don’t want your precious little snowflakes to watch it – either change the channel or (better yet!) shut the damned thing off and give ’em a book to read!

Oh, and don’t tuck your mags, bags and battery-operated sexy-time buddies in the sock drawer. Little precious has prying eyes. Stop your spawn from snooping by locking that shit up, ‘kay? 😉

SOURCE

March 12, 2010 at 11:06 am

Happy Halloween, Bitches!


Trick or Treat
Take a seat
‘Cuz pretty soon
You’ll feel the heat

Your head will burn
Your bod will ache
You’ll wonder what
You’ll have to take

To bid adieu
To the big ACHOO!
That’s coming through
‘Cuz I just gave you SWINE FLU!

(let’s be careful out there this weekend kiddies)

SOURCE

October 30, 2009 at 10:03 am

Flat Stanley? Not so much …


I am defiitely PRO child safety and 100% PRO good parenting and WAY in favor of cool and innovative outside-the-box thinking …

… but does this pool-bottom billboard strike anyone else as, well, just plain creepy?!?

drowning_child_billboard

September 30, 2009 at 10:17 am 8 comments

Question for the ‘rents …


Is little Peggy a pre-school porker?
Is your darling boy Doug the resident daycare dimplebutt?
And what about cutsie Clarisse? Is she bringin’ the chunk to class each day?

Yeah?
Think it’s because you’ve had them on the Cocoa Puff and Twinkie diet since you weaned the little bitches off the bottle?
Yeah?

Well not so fast there, breeders!

Young Stan’s spare tire may be due more to the fact that he’s just stupid than to his yen for Yodels.

fatwaderIt’s true! And there’s a bunch of scientifical researchification that says so!!

See, there’s this stuff out there called ‘data’ that points to other stuff called ‘corrollaries’ between Chucky’s poor cognition shitty thinking abilities and his fat four-year-old fanny.

The latest comes from the big brains at the Center for Research in Environmental Epidemiology in Barcelona, who got all probey and found that preschool kids with above-average language, number, and puzzle solving skills were less likely to be overweight two years later when they were old enough to enter school.

Their findings – published in the American Journal of Epidemiology – show that smarter four-year-olds were less likely to be large six-year-olds and that six-year-olds with a surplus of skin had lower general limbthinking and verbal skills were dumber, on average, when they were four anyway.
::: heavy thigh :::

What happens after six wasn’t specifically addressed but my guess is it looks something like
<——— 😉

SOURCE

August 14, 2009 at 1:17 pm 1 comment

Minding their ‘business’


“There are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You’ve signed an agreement: You’re going to be together. And you look at it that way as you work through the tough times, because I guarantee the better time is there on the other side. That’s how we’ve looked at it.”

Sarah Palin in a March 2009 interview with Esquire magazine

***********************************************

6a00d834515edc69e200e5539683a58834-800wiAnd business is business, right?

AlaskaReport.com is, well, reporting that Sarah and Todd Palin are gonna quit the love after more than two decades of breeding, being stupid Republican and generally blaming everyone else for the asshatted idiocy that has become their lives.
::: WAH-silla :::

According to *SHOCK* “unnamed sources,” a National Enquirer story alleging extramarital fuckery on both sides led to the total fuckification of Palin pairing and the sheer stress and all-out anxiety from all those alleged no-no sexy times is what really led to Palin’s resignation as governor of Alaska … allegedly.

Now, I don’t know about Todd but I’m gonna guess he was giving the peen to some Fairbanks fishmongrette with a gift for skinning salmon and a love for all things Nushagak.
And Sarah? Well, you remember the story. Sure you do! The one where she’s gettin’ her O-face on with Todd’s bestest buddy – snowmobile salesman Brad Hanson?
Yep – that one. And, since the Enquirer was right about that whole John Edwards mess, they’ve got street cred now so everything they write is true and shit. Umm hmm.

AnyPalinsucksanywaysowhothefuckcares, “sources” are also blabbing that Sarah stopped wearing her wedding ring weeks ago AND that she recently bought land in Montana. Well that’s just as good as confirmation, isn’t it?

Get ready to flee Montanas! Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig and grandbehbeh Tripp [but not the Toddster] may be headed your way!

SOURCE
SOURCE

August 2, 2009 at 1:12 pm 3 comments

Copy Kellys


Is there some bodysnatchers shit going on up in here?

duoThese two bitches are the same person!

Well no. Not really.
But they are both named Kelly Hildebrandt and they are gettin’ hitched!

The couple met when she-Kelly looked up her name on Facebook to see if she had a dubilicious ditto out there and wouldn’t you just know it? There was he-Kelly.
::: MNT 2 B :::

Three weeks later, K-peen decided ‘enough with shis virtual shit’, bought a ticket and flew his Texan ass to Florida to check out K-vag IRL.

Dude liked the total package, proposed eight months later and now these two sluts are about to get their I Do’s on!
::: Well duuuhhhhh! She is hot :::

But don’t worry. I mean, it’s not like they’re from Alabama or West Virginia or anything.
They say they’ve checked ancestry records from, bnameslike, 250 years or some shit and have confirmed they are not blood relations so consummation is for sures on the up-and-up, which is awesome because that means that, instead of doing something “Hollywoody” and labeling their lambs Xerox and Ditto and Clone, they can continue the title tradition (and lay the groundwork for their own reality series I’ll go out on a limb and predict will be called The Doppelgangers) by pushing little Kelli and Kelee and Kehley around town in their very own Mountain Buggy Urban Triple!!

And when that glorious day comes — somewhere over a fat-blasting G-Broil Supreme, George Foreman will be smiling in approval …

SOURCE

July 20, 2009 at 2:37 pm 1 comment

Older Posts


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: