Posts tagged ‘child’

Child’s Play


At first I was all ‘SO WRONG! OUTRAGE!!’ but then I thought about it and was all ‘HAHAHAHA – YESSSSS!’ because, well, why not!?

What?

Letting your little boy direct traffic at the sixth businest airport in the country.

JFK TOWER (Child): JetBlue 171 contact departure.

PILOT: Over to departure JetBlue 171, awesome job.

A male voice, seemingly the adult supervising the child, joins in with a laugh.

JFK TOWER (Adult): That’s what you get, guys, when the kids are out of school.

HAHAHAHA – YESSSSS!

Unfortunately, the pissy pants over at the FAA don’t share my love of infantile amusement.

“Pending the outcome of our investigation, the employees involved in this incident are not controlling air traffic. This behavior is not acceptable and does not demonstrate the kind of professionalism expected from all FAA employees.”

Boo fuddieduddies!

I say it’s never too early to show the next generation how to trade in daddy’s high-stakes, über-stressful, no margin for error job as air traffic controller for a place in the unemployment line.

That’s the kind of important, real-world shit they just don’t teach kids in school these days!

Good job, dad!
But hey! Don’t stop there!
I think you’ve proven that you’re ready to take little Dylan’s education to the next level!!

Bring that brat everywhere on your Bad Choices tour!

Take him with you to the mall — then let him see how many five-finger discounts he can score before the security cameras notice!
Go for the record!!!

Take him with you to Sharky’s for a cold one (or five) — then let him drive you home!
Wheeeeee!

Take him with you on your weekly ‘date’ that the old ball and chain doesn’t know about — then let him participate!
Bonding opportunity!!

Oh yeah, that’s quality father-son time right there! >:O

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March 4, 2010 at 11:16 am

Judicial Change I Could Believe In


A heinous whore who tortured her child has been:
1. Denied any and all contact with her son
::: GOOD! :::
2. Sentenced to at least four years in prison
::: SLAMMERTIME!! :::
3. Ordered to receive parenting training
::: MOMMI … wait … what?! :::

22-year-old Tabitha Rich put her 33-month-old son butt-first into a pan of boiling water to punish the poor child for the grievous infraction common childhood condition of being constipated.
She also burned his foot with a cigarette and was responsible for other outrageous injuries …

… and yet – instead of barring that bitch from ever reproducing again, some schmuck judge gives her parenting training?!

I’d think the idea would be to prevent her from parenting for, like, EVER!

I mean, ok sure – that skank needs to study up — but wouldn’t it just be easier to obliterate her ovaries and seal her cervix so we don’t have to wait and worry when this MOTY candidate goes for the sequel?!

Because you know there would be one.

Frealz!
SOLUTIONIZE!

We accept the use of chemical castration for male sex offenders, such as rapists, pedophiles, and exhibitionists but then get all touchy when it comes to making it a permanent kind of NOT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN when some wretched women abuses her offspring.

HYPOCRITICAL!

Cookie’s Conclusion: Just because she has a vagina doesn’t mean she’s mommy material and mommies who wound their wee ones should be forced to surgically forfeit the feminine fixtures of their fertility.

Bandwagon, anyone?

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December 16, 2009 at 11:02 am 2 comments

Flat Stanley? Not so much …


I am defiitely PRO child safety and 100% PRO good parenting and WAY in favor of cool and innovative outside-the-box thinking …

… but does this pool-bottom billboard strike anyone else as, well, just plain creepy?!?

drowning_child_billboard

September 30, 2009 at 10:17 am 8 comments

A Senior Moment – of AWFUL!


Megacoot Roger Stephens has to get his perma-grimace in gear today and face the judge after being arrested earlier this week for cuffin’ a kid at the local Wal-Mart.

walmarthitterTaking a break from his daily regimen of screaming ‘GET OFF MY LAWN!” at the neighborhood chirruns, the 61-year-old Stone Mountainer was out shopping for Faded Glory jeans or Equate-brand laxatives or whatever the fuck it is people go into that hole to buy when a wailer on Aisle Three got him twenty kinds of AARPissed!!

According to the police report, Stephens gave the kid’s mom fair warning that if her spawn didn’t shut it he was gonna take care of that business himself.
Which is just what he did when his meds didn’t kick in he lost his gatdamned mind and slapped the woman’s two-year-old daughter ‘several times in the face’.
“See, I told you I would shut her up,” he reportedly crowed as mom brought the ‘Oh no you di’int!!!’ and screamed for security as another shopper stopped the spiteful senior.

Mr. Crankypants was arrested and charged with cruelty with children in the first degree.
And that’s a slice of big ol’ felony deliciousness, y’all!

He may not like the kiddies but he better learn to get along with L’il Trinny and ‘The Man’ down at Gwinnett County Correctional!

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September 3, 2009 at 10:40 am 4 comments

Tuesday Twofer


That’s right folks!!
It’s Double-The-Trouble Day here at LIAC as we bring you the Dumb Bitch of the Day AND a Total Parenting FAIL  — All In One!!!!
:: soak it up snowflakes — ‘cuz you’re the only ones gettin’ anything poz out of this sad tale of woe :::

Authorities are charging a North Carolina woman and her boyfriend with felony child abuse and being two of the most ginormously colossal fucking dumbasses in all of eternity after they slept their way through what we all know were the hellish, shreiking cries of a baby having his toes chewed off by a dog …
In.
The.
SAME.
ROOM!!!

And just how do mommy dearest and her luvah Zzzzzzz their way through such an attack?

DRUGS!

::: I know, shock right? meh :::

But it’s true.
Seems Robie Lynn Jenkins was too effed in the head drugged up and twenty kinds of tahr’d y’all to be aware of her four-month-old boy bawling his tiny baby brains out as the pitt bull she and her boyfriend, Tremayne Spillman, were babysitting ate all five toes on the child’s left foot.

According to a sheriff’s office report, “Ms. Jenkins said she was taking medication and never heard the child cry out and only discovered the incident when she started changing the child’s diaper” THE NEXT MORNING!!!

And by ‘taking medication’ we have to assume they mean she was overdosing on Oxy with about twenty beer backs and nineteen Cuervo chasers ‘cuz that’s the only kind of sleepies I can think of that would render someone stone-cold fucking DEAF to the sound of their own child being eaten alive mere feet from their fucked up losery ass.

The wee one was transported to Pitt Memorial Hospital (a bit of karmic irony there …) where medical authorities warned he’s also in danger of losing the entire foot.
::: Major sad face! 😦 :::

Not for nothing, but I’d say it’s time for authorities to help him lose his mess-up mother as well for, like, EVER!

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September 1, 2009 at 10:36 am 4 comments

Question for the ‘rents …


Is little Peggy a pre-school porker?
Is your darling boy Doug the resident daycare dimplebutt?
And what about cutsie Clarisse? Is she bringin’ the chunk to class each day?

Yeah?
Think it’s because you’ve had them on the Cocoa Puff and Twinkie diet since you weaned the little bitches off the bottle?
Yeah?

Well not so fast there, breeders!

Young Stan’s spare tire may be due more to the fact that he’s just stupid than to his yen for Yodels.

fatwaderIt’s true! And there’s a bunch of scientifical researchification that says so!!

See, there’s this stuff out there called ‘data’ that points to other stuff called ‘corrollaries’ between Chucky’s poor cognition shitty thinking abilities and his fat four-year-old fanny.

The latest comes from the big brains at the Center for Research in Environmental Epidemiology in Barcelona, who got all probey and found that preschool kids with above-average language, number, and puzzle solving skills were less likely to be overweight two years later when they were old enough to enter school.

Their findings – published in the American Journal of Epidemiology – show that smarter four-year-olds were less likely to be large six-year-olds and that six-year-olds with a surplus of skin had lower general limbthinking and verbal skills were dumber, on average, when they were four anyway.
::: heavy thigh :::

What happens after six wasn’t specifically addressed but my guess is it looks something like
<——— 😉

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August 14, 2009 at 1:17 pm 1 comment

Woody would be proud


Demaris Meyer is PISSED!
Despite that pesky lawsuit, she’s probably filled a U-Haul’s worth of notebooks with Demaris Freeman Mrs. Demaris Freeman Mrs. Demaris Meyer-Freeman Mrs. Morgan Freeman scribbles decorated with hearts and flowers and geritol rainbows only to learn that it was all for naught!

The National Enquirer is reporting that 72-year-old Morgan Freeman and his 27-year-old step-granddaughter E’Dena Hines are going to tie the knot so they can do sexy fucky times all legal-like and shit.

Sucks to be you, Demaris!
But hey — if he can’t keep it  in his pants, at least he’s keeping it in the family!
(Thanks KC!)

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July 9, 2009 at 7:23 pm 3 comments

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