Posts tagged ‘chicago’

Tha..tha..That’s all, folks!


“Don’t let what door hit me in the ass on the way out?
THAT door?!?”

That’s right kiddies! Looks like the Blaggy Media Blitzkrieg of Preposterous Innocence Proclamations was just a big ol’ wet fart of sweet sweet failure.

The Illinois Senate has voted unanimously to remove Gov. Rod Blagojevich from office!

Woo hoo! YIPPEE!! HALLELUJAH!!!

NOW GET LOST FREAK!!

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January 29, 2009 at 11:14 pm 4 comments

Slapped in the face by OBVIOUS


snapshot-2009-01-06-19-17-45Fresh off my most excellent SITE OF THE WEEK super-mega-ultra glue-sniffing endorphine high – I went running, y’all!!
::: … when the bottle’s empty and you’re out of sniffy snax there’s not much else to do except crank out some junk miles … :::

Sweating out the Stoli toxins was just what I needed to clear the mental clutter before my daily ritual of hyper-caffeinated newsiferous updatification!

* ) Some dumb bitch is suing ‘cuz another dumb bitch called her a skank
::: if it walks like a skank and talks like a skank … :::

* ) Crappy schools in Georgia are asking teachers to return their equally crappy ‘raises’
::: … because the children are our future … :::

* ) Hospital leaves part of knife in woman’s head
::: Now THERE’$ your law$uit!! :::

* ) Study: Exercise Won’t Cure Obesity
::: OMG! OMG! DUH OVERLOAD!!!!!… :::

Seems some Loyola University doodooheads suffering from a severe case of Publish or Perish Fever felt their wisest course of action would be to retread the already very, very, very, very, VERY well-trodden ground of  investigatory weight-loss researchification.
::: Ten-Yur! Ten-Yur! :::

And what, pray tell, were the shocktastically shockingly shockworthy findings of this groundbreakingly original investigation???

“Evidence is beginning to accumulate that dietary intake may be more important than energy expenditure level. Weight loss is not likely to happen without dietary restraint,” said a Loyola nutritionist who really needs to leave the Ivory Tower and mingle with the masses every now and then.

WILL HUNTING MOMENT OF TROOOTH!!!

Ya wasted a year an’ dropped two-hundred grand on a fuckin’ study ya coulda got for a dollah meal deal at fuckin’ McDahnolds, bitch!

January 7, 2009 at 4:44 pm 10 comments

Stay Alive, Number Five!!


What kind of fucked up twisted lunatic GD black voodoo magic is Drew Peterson doing that enables him to continue to bag women – even though he’s got a trail of missing wives littering his past?!?

Asshat, 54, has apparently popped the question to a 23-year-old woman have to assume doesn’t speak or read English, is deaf, has some unfathomably deep mental disability or is just so fucking desperate for U.S. citizenship that she’ll take any putrid peepaw who comes along.

Enter Peterson, still married to his fourth wife, Stacy, and a suspect in her October 2007 disappearance.
::: Fiancé FAIL :::

The death of Peenhead’s third wife, Kathleen Savio, has been recently reclassified as a homicide. Kathleen’s body was found in a dry bathtub.

Protesting that their privacy would be jeopardized, Pussface declined to ID his future missing wife.

Yeeeaaaahhhhh … he prefers to leave that job to the crime scene investigators …

December 18, 2008 at 1:53 pm 12 comments

Morning Quickie


My streak continues …

Chicago workers end window plant sit-in
“Laid-off workers at a Chicago window factory ended a five-day sit-in after banks agreed to lend the failed company $1.75 million for outstanding wages and benefits, union officials said Wednesday.”

Yesterday’s Prediction

December 11, 2008 at 11:18 am 10 comments

Sticking it to the (little) man


You may not have noticed — what with Oprah bringin’ the chunk again, media giant Tribune Company goin’ all brokeass brokey broke and the total hilarity of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich‘s comically crazy crookery landing him in a big ol’ pile of sweaty bail money and all — but there’s about to be some positive news coming out of Chicago.
::: Woo hoo!!!! Go Chi-Town, go Chi-Town, ishyaberfday, go Chi-Town!!! :::

See, the town’s little factory that couldn’t – Republic Windows and Doors – had this practice of pullin’ the ostrich and being all hush-hush about the utter abyss of financial fuckedupedness they were in. Apparently, they’d been doing it for quite a while and seemed pretty content with that status quo because it looked like no one would ever notice.
::: Strateeegerie! :::

bankerAnd, you know, they just might have been able to stick with it if they hadn’t been forced to shut all their shit down last Friday when the scrooges at Bank of America stopped rolling around naked in their massive 25 billion dollar bailout pile long enough to cancel the company’s entire line of credit. 
::: Say Scooter – wasn’t Friday also the same day BOA shareholders approved the Merril Lynch merger, effectively making Bank of America the country’s largest bank with $2.7 trillion in assets??????? hmmmm :::

So here we are today, watching hundreds of laid-off factory workers go through Day Five of protesting the bank’s ‘All for me, none for you’ policy in an effort to get someone wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase full of Benjamins to pinky swear they really are gonna get the severance and accrued vacation pay they’re owed …

… and watching bank reps, company brass and union bosses enter Day Two of trying to figure out how diffuse this bigass PR bomb.
::: And just in time for the holidays, too!! :::

And the positive?
I bet it’s over today.

I bet they don’t make it to Day Three ’cause, you know, it’s just hella hard for execs to negotiate surrounded by angry riff raff who get pissy when the caterer delivers lunch to everyone but them.

Yup – I bet we have a deal on the table by sundown!

And, not for nothing but that would be one big handful of NIFTY because it would mean it only took them nearly as long as it took God to make the world (and Bush to get water to the Superdome) to repairify and solutionize this hot mess.

December 10, 2008 at 6:17 pm 11 comments

Just a word of caution for the ‘rents


R. Kelly

** If you have a daughter — keep close tabs on her.
We’re bettin’ he’s looking for the anger bang **

Who: R. Kelly

What: Not Guilty

When: Today

Where: Chicago

Why: Guess they like  their child porn in the Windy City …

 

June 13, 2008 at 8:54 pm 1 comment


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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