Posts tagged ‘casino’

Don’t worry ladies – he’ll be here all night!


Sometimes a golden opportunity just falls ass-first on the floor in front of you like a drunk fratboy on ‘ludes.

And, if you’re like me, you fucking LIVE for these moments!

I was lucky enough to be in the right place at one of the most mind-blowing times in recent history when, as odd as it seems, yours truly was *SHOCK* sober enough to capture the exact moment when idiot met dumbass and morphed into the most ritarculous example of douchebaggery I’ve had the pleasure to fully document in at least 16 days in a loooong time!

I AM SO LUCKY!!!!!

A group of hot sluts and I recently channeled our inner Whitney Harding and beheld the rough-and-tumble awesomeness that was the Gold Coast Derby Grrls giving the Blitzburgh Bombers a beatdown so bad they wished they could crawl back up their mamma’s vajayjays and take back their own births!

BOO-YA BITCHES!
Don’t mess with SoFla!

But the best part of the night wasn’t watching women in fishnets and kneepads for two hours (although not an unpleasant way to spend a Saturday evening! ;)).
No, the BEST part was the stupefying show put on at the bar when Mr. Mondo Dismo and his friend emerged to entertain the masses themselves.

Well, in truth, ol’ brownie over there –>
was too busy chatting up two women who prove the adage that everything looks/tastes better the more beer you suck down.

As the Chicago-style jazz/blues band belted it from the stage, Mondo was gettin’ his gyration on while working his $16 Haircuttery ‘Swoosh’ for aawwwllll the ladeez in da HOUSE … ‘cept no one was paying attention, so he kicked his Mondo moves into high gear with arm gestures, moonwalk missteps and a rarity — something you just don’t get to see in public very often anymore — self-induced nipple twists!

SWEET MOVES!

So there I am, enjoying my cocktail, taking cellphone snaps of a live cock literally losing his mind when … HE SEES ME!

Mr. Mondo Dismo slides his size 12’s over to our table, leans in and asks:
‘Soooewwwww, like, uh, hehe, *burp* yur taking my pictchur! Yoo wanna hit ‘dis?’

I look at my girls, laugh, then reply:
‘Don’t wanna hit “dat” – but I have to take your picture, dude. I just HAVE TO!’

To which he responds:
‘I know yooo dooo. ‘Cuz I am hot.’

To which I respond:
‘Actually, no. Because you are RIDICULOUS! HAHAHAHAHA!!

To which meathead actally laughed, nodded agreement then went back to the table next door to begin a solo-samba/salsa type mess aimed squarely at our table.

SNAP SNAP SNAP!

Suddenly he stopped for what I was sure was going to be a vomitus experience to which the entire bar would bear witness — but no!
He stopped to check his phone.

* Looks down, click click … looks up at me … looks down, click click … heads back my way *

‘I don haf ’em ‘n my phone,’ he says with just a hint of whine.
‘Have what?’ I ask.
‘Thuh pictchurz yooo tuk,’ he slurs.
‘Why would you? I don’t have your number. I’m taking them for myself,’ I say.

‘Cuz I am hot.’
‘Actually, no. Because you are RIDICULOUS! HAHAHAHAHA!!

Oooohhh ho HO I tell you … just every now being the most ‘sober one’ translates to F-U-N!!!

Win-win 😉

March 22, 2010 at 10:04 am 5 comments

Bottom of the barrel: A first glimpse


Jessica Simpson is on FIRE, y’all!

According to a remarkably embellished PR Newswire release – the ‘international music, fashion, TV and movie star’ is sooo hot that the Fallsview Casino Resort (located at Niagara Falls, New York the epicenter of the international music, fashion, TV and movie star UNIVERSE) has had to add a second show just to accommodate her many tens of fans!!!!
::: You gotta give the people what they want!! :::

  “Ms. Simpson’s show sold out as quickly as any we’ve ever had here at
Fallsview Casino over the last four years,” said Greg Medulun, Director of
Communications.

And you know I just do not doubt that for One. Split. Second!!!!

Casino crawlers are used to the very best their entertainment dollars will buy – Wayne Newton notwithstanding!
Those blue hairs’ll be all hopped up on Schnapps and Vicks VapoRub after gettin’ their guffaws watching the antiquated Smothers Brothers ‘mom always liked you best-athon’ and movin’ and groovin’ to the sound of the World Rock Symphony Orchestra …  and that is all before  Chestica ever takes the stage!!!
::: Better check the batteries in those defibrillators, guys! :::

Dang girl – that is one red-hot concert series there!!

Do let me know when the tour comes to Woodland’s Middle School, mm’kay?

July 28, 2008 at 3:57 pm


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: