Posts tagged ‘boobs’

The Holy Braille

Lisa Murphy is a sweet, sweet slice of the rare comingling of awesomeness and ingenuity rarely seen these days.

She’s a visionary – one of those bold thinkers who dare to do what others won’t: Bring boobies and booty to the blind.


Murphy has launched a porn mag for the vision-impaired called Tactile Minds which contains tingle-inducing text alongside raised images of nekkidness – all of which you can enjoy for around $230 US!
::: digs for checkbook :::

She said that she made the book after realising that the ‘blind have been left out in a culture saturated with sexual images’.

“We’re breaking new ground,” she explained. “Playboy has an edition with Braille wording, but there are no pictures.”

Murphy’s masterpiece contains 17 provacative pics, including:
A naked woman in a ‘disco pose’
::: Donna Summer? :::
A woman with ‘perfect breasts’
::: Wait. I don’t remember posing for that … :::
A ‘male love robot’
::: Like the one in my undie drawer? ūüėČ :::

I love this idea! Braille imagery for everyone!!

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April 14, 2010 at 10:26 am 3 comments

I just threw up a little in my mouth

According to the San Francisco Gate, American Idol ditzball alum Kellie Pickler (AKA Pammy Lite) and Waffle House smackdown king Kid Rock have been dating for more than a year.
::: doesn’t that, like, automatically qualify her as engagement material?? :::

I really hope this isn’t true.
Because I kind of like Kellie.
You have to like someone who can market the shit out of one-range vocals and two plumpified breastesez. It’s like a law.

Now if we could just get that bitch to quit the love before someone gets hurt …


July 2, 2009 at 10:33 am 2 comments

Udderly Ridiculous

A human coathanger walks out of the house in a see-through blouse …

No, this isn’t a riddle … but it is a joke.

While you were busy siphoning gas from your neighbor’s car so you could make it to the unemployment office before the other nine thousand loiterers show up, other people were busy trying to solve real problems.

Limp nips.
::: Who knew?!? :::

This epic dilemma seemed to hit a tipping point after couture-loving international food hater Victoria Beckham was caught accidentally on purpose doing some super-serious raisin smuggling — resulting in an all-out firestorm of fake-titty frenzy!

Are they real? Are they fake? Are they fake?! Are they real? Real? Fake?! Fake!?! Real?!?

Deep breaths … sssshhhhhh¬†… calm down.
It’s ok — it’s not a trick question. It’s Victoria Beckham.

British Titologist Dr. Riccardo Frati said, ‘In the past I’ve had patients coming to my surgery clutching pictures of celebrities like Katie Price and saying: “I’d like breasts like hers” but now there’s a chance that Mrs. Beckham’s designer nipples could be the next big thing for 2009’.


But seriously —¬†while [a very small] part of me’s all ‘Who can blame the bitch for gettin’ her teet meat treated? Skeletor would practically disappear sideways if something [other than her pelvic bones] didn’t stick out!’ — the other¬†99.9999% of me is all ‘I’m gonna spend thousands for surgical results I already get for free with an auboobsunpadded bra and a little A/C? HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Noooooo.’

Weeelllllll, not unless I can really tweak the twins …



June 22, 2009 at 4:08 pm 7 comments

THIS bitch …


May 6, 2009 at 1:02 pm 1 comment

Effed-up effigy?

Some people are so damned touchy!

A shepherd of the Lord in Germany has been gettin’ his God on by playjesusrecreating scenes from the good book using¬†modified¬†Playmobil characters, such as an awesomely¬†anatomically-correct Adam and Eve.

For some inexplicable reason – Playmobil has a problem with this.

In a strongly worded missive sent to Markus Bomhard, the toymaker described his¬†work as a “massive manipulation of the figures, for example reshaping their arms with a hairdryer or candle to nail them to a cross”.
::: Well, the devil IS in the details … :::

Not one to crap out on the ninth commandment, bible boy fessed up.

“It’s true that I did use a hairdryer to soften the figure for the crucifixion scene because the fingers wouldn’t spread out jesuswomenproperly otherwise. Then I had to let it harden again before I could nail it to the cross.”
::: SEE PLAYMOBIL! If your shit was more malleable none of this would have been necessary!!! :::

“We are quite tolerant if this is done in the privacy of the home but if someone crucifies a Playmobil figure, or, as in the case of Eve, glues on breasts, then this is a completely different dimension,” Playmobil’s Gisela Kupiak explained.

The offending evangelizer has defended his depictions by invoking none other that Pope Benedict XVI.

“May your project allow many children and adults access to Holy Scripture,” Benny wrote in support of the misguided minster.
::: That’s right, douchebags! Think of the CHIRREN!!! :::

— Not for nothing, but even a hellbound heathen like yours truly has to admit that God’s representative on Earth pretty much trumps corporate flak correspondence anyday. —

adameveBut Playmobil brass¬†were all ‘Wrath¬†of God, Schmath of God, fucker! You’ll be feeling the Wrath of Ira Goldenblatt if you don’t yank Adam’s wank and pull the plug on Eve’s tasty tatas!”

‘They’ve given the¬†confused ecclesiastic until April 6 to remove the inappropriate imagery from his website.

… S√ľnders …

April 2, 2009 at 3:16 pm 5 comments

Leave Miss Football Alone!!

photo02The New York Giants are totally hatin’ on Miss Football, y’all!

All Sondra Fortunato did was stuff her ginormous chi chi balls into a small-ish Santa Claus robe-type thing, cram her cootch into a bathing-suit bottom and push her piggies into some sweet-ass hooker heels before making her way to Giant Stadium this weekend — 20 kinds of prepared to cheer on her team.
::: Be a hussy! Be-E a hussy! :::

Instead she got herself 20 kinds of kicked OUT!
::: HARSH! :::

She swears she doesn’t belong on the naughty list — she’s just ‚Äúwell-endowed.‚ÄĚ
‚ÄúYou couldn‚Äôt even see my underwear.‚ÄĚ
::: I hear that happens when you don’t wear any … :::

She figures other women ‚Äúgot jealous and complained.‚ÄĚ
::: b-cup bitches be hatin’! :::¬†

Ahh, but it was security for the Big Blue Wrecking Crew who weren’t havin’ it.
They escorted her out, telling her to cover that shit UP … for the chirrenz.

Personally, I think the janky ho deserves a medal or a plaque or at least a little stick-on decal for being able to reign in that kind of chesticular fury!
Fun is fun ’till one of those bad boys breaks free and takes out a toddler!

December 16, 2008 at 11:33 am 9 comments

Masticatory Misrepresentation?

Hey there fatty, wanna drop some tonnage?
Feel like trading in those itty bitties for some bigger, firmer breastesses?
Care to put the kibosh on those grody granny hot flashes?


And do you want to achieve all of the above with absolutely no commitment or effort whatsoever??


GOOD Рbecause the shady charlatans at Zoft and their fabulous line of wonder gums can, for about $32 a pop, help you chew your way to full-on fabulosity!

Chomp your way to chestiness!

Smack your stress away!

Wear out your jaws for wondrous weight loss!

Munch away your menopausal misery with minty-freshness!

Heck – you can even grab a pack to perk up the peen!

But don’t take my word for it
:::¬†I’m serious —¬†do not¬†take my word for it :::

Check out these completely fabricated and unverifiable testimonials …

¬†“I’ve been taking this product for over a month now and have lost 7 pounds.¬†I couldn’t be more pleased! I also have much more level of energy..I guess it’s mainly because I’m lighter. I feel great!”
Well thumbs up to YOU, Sandra, 37, from Nevada Рsloth and stupidity finally pay off!!!

“It effected nearly since day 1, After 3 weeks I’m using it ‚Äď the results are great, highly recommend”.
Dan, 23, Los Angles
WOW – Thanks Dan from, err, Los Angles??? for that wonderfully ambiguous and moderately illiterate recommendation!

“Loved this product, will definitely order more, I feel much better. At the beginning I was skeptic, but it caused an improvement. Also shipping was super fast! Thanks a lot!”
Karyn, 25, Florida
Awesome¬†Karyn!! I mean,¬†I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about – but kudos on¬†that phenominally super-fast delivery — you just don’t SEE that every day!!!

Anyone sampled the Double Bubble Butt yet?

August 20, 2008 at 1:06 pm 1 comment

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