Posts tagged ‘birth’


Adam Manning don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies, but that bitch for DAMN sure knows how to get his Bud on!

manningThe 30-year-old first-time father-to-be brought his baby mamma to the emergency room of Utah’s McKay-Dee Hospital to get her birth on when his beady, bloodshot eyes spied nurse hotty-totty and he lost his gat DAMN mind!
::: Daddy DOUCHE! :::

He is reported to have ‘looked her up and down’, commented on how attractive she was and told her she was ‘cute’.
::: Devoted Dad / Protective Partner / Mature Male FAIL FAIL FAIL!!! :::

The nurse apparently ignored his inebriated advances and moved to the other side of mom’s wheelchair, preparing her to go to the delivery room.

Not one to take a turn-down lightly, Manning then told the nurse that she had something wrong with her neck and that he would !!RED FLAG RED FLAG!! massage it for her.

And by ‘massage’ he meant he was gonna get his grope on in the general area of her boobages.
::: ee-ERR ee-ERR :::

fotyWhen the R(eally)N(ot impressed gropee) asked what
he was doing, Manning’s wife or girlfriend or enabler or whatever she is responded that he was ‘just drunk’.
::: FUN FACT: That’s not ‘just’ drunk – THAT is ‘piss’ drunk! :::

The Ogden Police were called and promptly booked the nurse booby-grabber on charges of felony forcible sexual abuse.

And if you didn’t figure it out by now — yes, he missed the birth of his first child.

Now THAT’S a baby story the whole family will enjoy sharing for generations!!



October 29, 2009 at 10:08 am 2 comments

The family way?

This is some sinister shit, yo!

imlerA 46-year-old Pennsylvania whackjob
 is in the chokey, charged with trying to kill the fetus of a 17-year-old girl.

But that’s not even the worst part, see, ‘cuz he wasn’t the doer.

Scaryeyes was helping two teenage nitwits get their homicide on by lending a hand as those hos put an abortioninducing horse, pig and cow hormone in her drink.
::: I bet it tasted like chicken … :::

Police say the girl’s 16-year-old babydaddy and a 17-year-old baka “stole the drug and a syringe from a local farm and added a ‘drop’ ” to a bottle of Gatorade. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb then delivered the deadly drink to the girl, who drank it.

A couple of 60’s later, another acquaintance got all ‘HAHAHAHA – you just drank POISON, bitch!’ – which is when the girl made a beeline for the hospital — which is when the whole ‘evidence > suspects > conspiracy > arrest’ chain of events got going.

Jonathan Imler is charged with attempted criminal homicide, aggravated assault of an unborn child, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, theft by unlawful taking and corruption of minors.
::: when they get to his motives — 100 bucks says love of young peen’s in there somewhere :::

Don’t freak — authorities also filed juvenile petitions against the moron twins.

And the upside of all of this?
Oh sure sure – the baby was born all normal and shit so yay and awesome and way to go and all … but the REAL upside is that baby killers are hella popular in the pen!
::: It’s the gift that keeps on giving … every night after last check and lights out!  :::


May 21, 2009 at 4:01 pm 2 comments

Campbell Kid?

Child welfare advocates around the globe have been put on red alert:

Anger-management school dropout Naomi Campbell wants to reproduce.

“I understand when people say ‘Listen to your body, your body tells you’. So yes, I’d love to have a baby,” she told The Mirror UK recently.

So why hasn’t the international incident spewed forth her spawn?
::: luck? :::

“I didn’t want to have a child on my own.
::: Rage-omi is currently dating Russian businessman Vladimir Doronin … someone really outta warn him those sexy times are gonna have a heavy pricetag  … :::

“I know you can but I didn’t want to raise it the way I was raised.”
::: ‘it’ — how maternal :::

“… I would like to try it in the traditional way.”

And by ‘traditional’ she means barking orders via BlackBerry to a phalanx of diaper changers and an an army of assistants, nannies and baby product procurers.

Someone should warn her about the soft spot before it’s too late. Little heads don’t recover from crackberry smackdowns as quickly as grown folks.

Let’s keep poor little It, err, Chanel Vuitton Prada Dior Ungaro Givenchy Campbell lifted up in prayer … maybe Brad and Angie will have room for one more …

September 15, 2008 at 2:51 pm 1 comment


A weedy sea dragon at the Georgia Aquarium has something to celebrate this Father’s Day – he’s pregnant!

pregnant weedy sea dragon atlanta aquariumYes … HE.

But getting these dudes knocked-up must be harder than it sounds. The pregnancy is only the third time ever something like this has happened at a U.S. aquarium. (Unless the other guys, umm, you know — took care of it.)

What else makes it such a big deal? The dads carry the eggs in this family.
::: Quick guess says Teleflora puts them in the non-mom category :::

Congrats himbo!

June 13, 2008 at 12:14 am 2 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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