Posts tagged ‘beer’

SOLIDARITY!


There is serious shit going down in Denmark, people!

The decisionizers at the Carlsberg brewery went all ‘beer only during lunchbreaks, slackers!’ and the warehouse staff victims went all ‘fuck that noise, fuckers’ and walked the fuck OUT!

STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!

A spokesbloke for the world’s fourth-largest brewery said “We think times have changed and we need an alcohol policy that is accepted by society – 93% of Danish companies have an alcohol policy.”

Hey there LEMMING! Whatever happened to being bold? Going against the grain?? Doing it your own way and shit???
I mean, what’s next? You tyrants gonna limit breaktime, too? What about the amount of TP used in the WC?!

It’s a slippery slope!
Where does the madness end?????

“There has been free beer, water and soft drinks everywhere. [This week] beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch.”

OPPRESSION!!!

Carlsberg drivers claim they have the right to have up to three beers per day outside lunch hours and warehouse workers say they share that entitlement – a claim the brewer shockingly disputes.

Where oh where is Lech Walesa when you need him?!

Soldier on plebians … soldier on …

SOURCE

Advertisements

April 9, 2010 at 10:06 am 1 comment

Erin Go WAAAHHHHH!!!!!


I have a mission!
I’ve heard the call!!
I finally know my purpose, y’all!!!

I MUST SAVE IRELAND!!!!

Against the backdrop of deep recession and rampant unemployment, alcohol consumption all over the Emerald Isle has crashed harder than Amy Winehouse after a 4-month Blaaaaaaaaaaake binge!

FFFFWOP!!!

Ireland’s per capital alcohol consumption fell by 9.6 percent in 2009 and is now 21 percent below an all-time peak in 2001 when Ireland’s economy was booming.

TWENTY ONE PERCENT DOWNTURNAGE!!!!

“It was the worst year for our industry in living memory,” Kieran Tobin, chairman of the Drinks Industry Group of Ireland (DIGI), told a news conference in a central Dublin pub.

WORSTEST MOST AWFULEST YEAR IN LIVING MEMORY!!!!

And, if it wasn’t bad enough already – the decline in dedicated drinking was made even worse by the combination of a strong euro and comparatively low excise duty on spirits in Northern Ireland, because that shit flat out drove folks over the edge border to buy their drinks elsewhere, which cost the Irish government an estimated 100 million euros ($135.1 million) a year in lost revenue.

And all that statistical stuff translates to pubs closing at the rate of around one a day (YIKES) and 15,000 jobs lost across the region over the last 18 months.

PUBS CLOSING = DEFCON FIVE! DEFCON FIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!

This is serious shit and I won’t have it!

Hang on girl! Help is coming!!
Cookie and her hollow leg are on the way!!!!!

SOURCE

Photo: Reuters

March 24, 2010 at 10:18 am

WWBQQD?


::: Sorry greeneyedgirl – it had to be done! :::

Next month, Burger King is opening a new Whopper Bar in South Beach that will sell beer and burgers.

Complicated Order!
SA-CURRITY!!!

Just kidding — that bitch would be in heaven!!

* Beatbox *
It’s the sickest kind of day, you gonna git it all your way
A Double Whopper and some fries, with a cold one on the side …
* Beatbox *

Burger Kings in Germany and Whopper Bars in Singapore and Venezuela already sell suds, but this will be the first BK B&B in the US to get they drank on.

* Beatbox *
I’ll give it to you in a cup, and I’ll fill that muthah up
But forget about dessert, unless you lookin’ to get hurt …
*
Beatbox *

More Whopper Bars could be coming to New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, says Chuck Fallon, president of Miami-based Burger King North America.

HEEYYYY!!

SOURCE

January 25, 2010 at 11:51 am 6 comments

If I made commercials …


October 27, 2009 at 9:48 am 1 comment

Brewhaha


People are shocked – SHOCKED I TELL YOU – over a picture of my boyfriend *gasp* relaxing with *Double Gasp! * a cool one at a basketball game.
::: OUTRAGE!!! :::

The photo of O’Beautiful chillin’ at a recent Wizards-Bulls game has touched off a firestorm of ‘Oh no he di’int!’ all over the gat-damn place!

My boyfriend getting his sud onOne caller to WWL (AM 870 – News/Talk/Sports) fussed, “People are losing 5, 10, 20 thousand dollars a day in the stock market, and he’s sitting there drinking a beer!”
::: We can confirm: They are. He was. He did. :::

Another fired-up female said, “The president is the president 24 hours a day. I don’t think he should drink on the job.”

The [mostly female] callers charged that O’Baby has no right – NO RIGHT PEOPLE – to have any semblance of fun during this New Great Depression.
::: … she are not amused … :::

Take a cleansing breath, babes.
I can see how this sort of thing would be shocking, what with not having an admitted alcoholic in the White House anymore.

But, you know, to be fair and all – I’m guessing they had the same kind of pissy hissy when W and some celebs got their game on at last July’s White House All-Star tee ball game?

The same day, incidentally, that Fed Chief Ben Bernanke assured the United States House of Representatives Financial Services Committee that giant mortgage companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are in “no danger of failing.”

Oh yeah, I bet they were all OVER those tee ball shenanigans!

Ooo Ooo — and what about last August, when he got his glance on while checkin’ the beach volleyball babes at the Beijing Olympics?

If memory serves, he got in a little Misty May-Treanor butt tap (by invitation, of course) on that trip.
::: sweet move — I’d hit it :::

OOoooooHooooHOOOOO! You KNOW they had a collective colossal conniption over that action!

And what about all that treacherously foolhardy GOLF playing he engaged in – AT AMERICA’S EXPENSE?!?!?!?

I am sure that just the mere sight of Sir Goofedalot goofing off caused them all erratic heartbeats, palpatations, hiccups and flatulence so scary that it required immediate hospitalization and a full battery of, like, super-scientific tests!!!

Oh but wait — didn’t he give that shit up ‘for the troops’ and all?
Yeeeahhh – not so much.

Aaaaanystupidfuckinggarbagethatdoesn’tmeanshit, where were we?

Oh yeah.
Obama went to a b-ball game and had a brew.
Get the fuck over it.

SOURCE

 

March 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm 8 comments

As goes NASCAR …


Forget bank failures.
Nevermind the mortgage meltdown.
Disregard the crippling credit crisis.

If you want to know just how really awfully terribly bad it is out there, look no further than NASCAR.

Estimates from Sports Illustrated and Associated Press reporters at Sunday’s AMP Energy 500 in Talladega showed attendance might have been down as much as 50,000 from last fall’s race.
::: Well that ain’t no good look! ::: 

“The crowd is way down. The backstretch grandstands are half full,” ESPN analyst Marty Smith confirmed.

Oh No! … Oh Yes!
The cheap seats backstretch grandstands were *GASP*  less than half full on race day and the front-stretch grandstands had ‘numerous pockets of empty seats including the two end sections that were virtually empty’.
::: the end is nigh! :::

You high fallutin’ types may not understand the significance of empty seats at Talladega, so let me break it down for you: It is a sign of the apocalypse every bit as ominous as plagues, pestilence or Paris Hilton’s new perfume.

We are talking all-out, Defcon 5, the bar’s out of Bud-style PANIC here people!!

Empty seats at Talladega means:

  • Cleetus, Belva and their bunch couldn’t make the trailer payment AND fill up the Chevy.
  • Darryl had to decide between Tony Stewart and the Piggly Wiggly.
  • Joe Sixpack had to choose between drinkin’ his paycheck and drivin’ it.

  • This is serious!

    When folks can’t pay for enough gas to fuel the F-150 all the way to the track so they can sit and watch guys drive in a circle for 6 hours and waste a whole lot more gas — well, it don’t take no rocket scientist, metal shop fabricator OR hockey mom to tell you shit is bad, y’all!

    October 6, 2008 at 2:42 pm 1 comment

    ‘Bama to China: We feel you, dawgs


    Map of the state of AlabamaA 3.1 magnitude earthquake has been reported in southwestern Alabama.

    The quake occurred at 1:39 p.m., according to the U.S. Geological Survey Web site. It was centered in Bumfukegypt which is directly between Coffeeville in Clarke County and Silas in Choctaw County.

    Bumfukegypt Mayor Cleatus Beauregard immediately took to the airwaves in an impassioned plea for aid and supplies …

    “We noe them Chahneez fo’ks iz havin’ hahrd tahmz en all – en nahyah we noe wut eet’s lahk … wee’z gonna need hep tew,” he explained.

    “Wee’z gonnuh need aahce en terlit pepper en pleeez ‘member wee-yuz runnin’ loe ohn Miller Laht ‘fower thess thang happuhn’d.

    “Pleeez thenk uh thuh chi’ren en geeyuhv fruhm yer hahrtz. Thoez keeyuhds’s gunnah be soe sahyud cuz Mackdoenuhld’s tuk uh big ol’ shellackin’ en thess thang.”

    We expect damage estimates to begin trickling in as soon as Belva Sempley gets her tractor started.
    Stay tuned …

     

    May 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm 2 comments


    This is the shit you bitches are reading


    Creative Commons License
    Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


    %d bloggers like this: