Posts tagged ‘baseball’
Ed. Note: Sniffy Snax + Live Mic = Amped Hiliariosity
Feeling twelve kinds of spectacularly woozified in my Section 426, Row 15, Seat 13 spot at last night’s Florida Panthers – Pittsburgh Penguins game, the thought crossed my mind that, perhaps, I’ve been too extreme in my New Great Depression practice of partaking in sporting events on the cheap … until I saw the picture of possibly the world’s most skinflinterrific superachiever ever making his way to the top of the upper deck in left field during an exhibition game at the new Yankee Stadium over the weekend.
I mean, I feel like a penny-pinching poseur next to his pauperiffic perfection!
Check out the steely-eyed stare he maintains – even as his oxygen-deprived brain struggles to navigate the unforgiving concrete steps stretching up, Up, UP to the ether!
This bitch isn’t fucking around!
He knows what he wants and he’s going for it!
You just KNOW he reuses popsicle sticks as bookmarks, clips coupons for shit he doesn’t even buy and recycles used stamps!!
He’s a pro!!!
Dude is workin’ that knitted cap and GORE-TEX® like there’s no tomorrow! He is going to eat those frozen hot dogs and he is going to enjoy watching the ants scurry around the field below … just as soon as he summits Mt. Ballpark.
… I’m not worthy …
PHOTO: Julie Jacobson / AP
Today we find out that Debbie Clemens’ other half was injecting the ol’ pocket Rocket into Paulette Daly (the ex-wife of golf’s original badboy, John) and Mindy McCready during the Clemens’ near-24-year union.
And, in true hillbilly fashion — Roger and Mindy began knockin’ boots when she was a mere 15-Mylie Cyruses-old.
*For those of you keeping track at home — Clemens would have been 28 at the time. Now, I’m no expert or anything but I think that’s called statutory rape.
::: I can’t put my finger on it … but there is something eerily similar about these gals … hmmm :::
Methinks the Rocketman ought to give heavy thought to dropping that defamation of character suit against scuzzball Brian McNamee. Sure, McNamee’s a douche but Clemens need only look in a mirror to find the person responsible for his predicament.
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Let’s dust off that February prediction, shall we?