Posts tagged ‘awesome’

London Calling


It is ON!
I am DOIN’ it!!
You better be ready, Great Britain!!!

Lock up the London Cookiebooze and tie up the hounds, ’cause this little trick is LONDON-bound!!

Gonna take in the Thames, check out Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, make my way through the Tate Modern, eat a bite at the crypt cafe in the Church of St. Martin In The Fields, see St. James Park, the Blue Bridge, the Churchill War Rooms, the Wallace Collection, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Fleet Street, Dickens House, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Foyles, London Bank, Green Friday Market … man, I am gonna do it ALL!

Now, y’all have to promise to behave while I’m gone — m’kay pumpkins??
I might even bring you some spotted dick if you’re really good! 😉

Later, bitches!

November 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm 1 comment

Reprinted without permission …


… but doing it anyway because there is SERIOUS TRUTH here people, and every living organism in the entirety of all known galaxies regardless of elliptical or spiral status can should MUST read this, digest it and become one with it.

For the truth shall set you free …

You’re welcome 🙂

Cue the awesomeness in 3 … 2 …

ONE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“They Won’t Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cockmonster”

Chris Kluwe Explains Gay Marriage To The Politician Who Is Offended By An NFL Player Supporting It

Background in a nutshell:
Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to “inhibit such expressions from your employee.” This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe’s response to Burns.

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should “inhibit such expressions from your employees,” more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, Chris Kluwe is a heroyou also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. “Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.” Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who’s “deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland”? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you’re going to say that political views have “no place in a sport”? I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for “beautiful oppressionism”).

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I’m fairly certain you might need it.

Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe

P.S. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

Chris Kluwe is a punter for the Vikings. Follow him on Twitter, @ChrisWarcraft.

September 10, 2012 at 9:09 pm 1 comment

GET THE FUNK OUT!


No really.
That’s an order!

Straight from the majorlymegamagicalmouth of the proud papa of one of music’s finest forms comes the most magnificent melodious mandate of the new millenia!

Get THE Funk OUT!

“The state of funk today is kind of funked up,” laments William Earl “Bootsy” Collins. “If you say anything about those old musicians to youngsters today, most of them don’t have a clue. All they know is who their favorite bass player or guitarist is now. They have no idea how to connect those dots, where this style or this music comes from.”

These kids today!

So what’s Bootsy doin’? 😉

Well, starting this July, he’s going to school those young ignorant asses at Funk University, an online bass guitar school he is co-creating and curating with actor-entrepreneur Cory Danziger.

HELL YEAH!!!

As F.U.’s lead professor, Bootsy has designed an intense curriculum tailored for intermediate to advanced bass players as well as anyone interested in a deeper understanding of funk, and has enlisted a who’s-who of bass legends to serve as guest professors.

With the groove our
Only guide
We shall all be moved

In Bootsy’s Lecture Hall, he will provide extensive lectures on funk, the bass, and his body of work, while his professors articulate Bootsy’s lectures with lessons and exercises on bass and rhythm inside the classroom areas.

Now everybody say ‘Bootsy’!
BOOTSY!!
(Everybody come on)

The library will house a wealth of multimedia learning content, from video and audio to gear tutorials. Staff reviews of students’ performance will be conducted periodically, and professors will also hold office hours to answer students’ questions.

On your mark, ready set go
Gotta do a thang, gotta disco

Professor Bootsy will also be judging student track submissions as part of a series of regular school competitions. Interested players are encouraged to sign up for exclusive information at http://thefunkuniversity.com.

Consider me joinin’ the wet set … the workin’ up a SWEAT set, Boot-say!

Enjoy an all-time fave, willya?

May 25, 2010 at 1:26 am

I WANT ONE!!!


I am so jealous!

Chloë Sevigny has what can only be described as THE perfect accessory for summer – her very own drag queen!

I AM SO JEALOUS!!!

I mean, it’s not just that I deserve my own drag queen — WHICH I TOTALLY DO – it’s also that I have EARNED that bitch, goddamnit!!

Is a drag queen not a living caricature?
::: Me :::

Does a drag queen not live to entertain??
::: ME :::

Are drag queens not all hairspray, fabulosity and sequiny-superspecialness???
::: MEEEEEE!!! :::

  • I know the difference between a Bottom and a Top!
  • I can rock that look better than La Palma himherself!!
  • And my appreciation for the arts is indefatigably undeniable!!!
  • The obvious obviosity of me being deserving of of my own drag queen cannot be more … well … OBVIOUS!

    Come on Donna Summersault or Eineeta Lay — I’m ready!!!

    May 23, 2010 at 7:49 pm 4 comments

    This is some Cirque du Soleil shit!


    Don’t hate.
    Admit it — these bitches are BADASS!!

    May 17, 2010 at 10:03 am 3 comments

    The Holy Braille


    Lisa Murphy is a sweet, sweet slice of the rare comingling of awesomeness and ingenuity rarely seen these days.

    She’s a visionary – one of those bold thinkers who dare to do what others won’t: Bring boobies and booty to the blind.

    HERO!

    Murphy has launched a porn mag for the vision-impaired called Tactile Minds which contains tingle-inducing text alongside raised images of nekkidness – all of which you can enjoy for around $230 US!
    ::: digs for checkbook :::

    She said that she made the book after realising that the ‘blind have been left out in a culture saturated with sexual images’.

    “We’re breaking new ground,” she explained. “Playboy has an edition with Braille wording, but there are no pictures.”

    Murphy’s masterpiece contains 17 provacative pics, including:
    A naked woman in a ‘disco pose’
    ::: Donna Summer? :::
    A woman with ‘perfect breasts’
    ::: Wait. I don’t remember posing for that … :::
    A ‘male love robot’
    ::: Like the one in my undie drawer? 😉 :::

    WHEEEEE – YAY!
    I love this idea! Braille imagery for everyone!!

    .   . .   . .  .. .
    ..  . .   .     . ..
    .    .  .  .     .

    April 14, 2010 at 10:26 am 3 comments

    Gather ‘Round The Disco Bald


    Jim Eastabrook is SO giving Philip Levine the side-eye!

    While it’s true and I can’t deny that nobody rocks a rug like Jim Eastabrook – it’s got to be said that across this whole and entire planet there is NOBODY who bedazzles his baldness like Philip Levine!

    “I thought why not use it as a canvas, paint and attach things to my head using the border of where my hair would be,” he said.

    GLORIOUSLY GLABROUS!!!

    Just look at those coiffureless creations!

    For four years, the 28-year-old London-based cultural attaché, club promoter and all-around trend-setter, has been using his “lengthening forehead” as a canvas.
    With the assistance and artistic expertise of body painter Kat Sinclair, Levine’s creative cranium has become something of an underground phenomenon in the clubs of London.

    But his head became truly H-O-T when it got called up from the minors and landed in the mainstream of English art-and-design discussion the day Levine debuted his “crystal” head.

    OOOOOOoooooo

    “Using hundreds of thumbtack-sized Swarovski crystals, Levine has created a swooping, shimmery, rockabilly mane. It’s apparently magic in the sunlight. It’s also pleasantly transitory – the crystals begin to fall off after a day’s wear,” a reporter recently wrote.

    AAAAaahhhhhh

    On average the designs take two hours to create, but some of the more elaborate have taken up to five hours and are therefore reserved for parties.

    Damn! I knew there was something I forgot to bring to the b’day fest this weekend!

    SOURCE

    April 12, 2010 at 10:14 am 1 comment

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