Posts tagged ‘award’

So that happened …

With the Newtown Massacre just a super-sized slice of  STILL TOO FRESH :(, it’s no small wonder that my snark just isn’t as up-to-snuff as I like that shit to be.

So I’m not even gonna go there right now.

But I’ll leave you with this …

… and tease you with this snippet of a soon-to-be-revealed MAJOR AWARD — Major Awardthe likes of which is eternally unparalleled with any accolade ever accorded to any living organism ever to have existed throughout the entirety of all of the ages known the man!!!

Yup, it’s that big.


December 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Heisman Schmeisman

Accolades and honors aren’t just about athletic achievment, people!

A major award is being handed down and if there’s any merit to logic at all – YOU, my friends, are totally missing it.

Ten dedicated SOBs (Servers of Burgers) are making hamburger history as the Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame Class of 2009.

Yes, you read that correctly.
There is a Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame.
And this special group of fast food faithfuls will now forever be a part of it.


Accoutrements of the award include each Hall of Famer being featured on his or her very own super spectacular Krystal Hamburger or Cheese Krystal box, which will be first unveiled at each guests’ exclusive ceremony before being used in the 385 Krystal restaurants across the South beginning early next year.

Yes, you read that correctly.
They each get their own ceremony!
::: Kinda takes the special right out of the supermarket sheet cake your cubiclemates gave you at your last party, huh … :::

Each burger box will include an illustration of the Hall of Famer PLUS a quote that describes his or her passion for Krystal AND personal facts such as the inductee’s hometown and favorite Krystal meal.
::: Banana Freeze, Fries and Chili Cheese Pups at 2 in the morning after a night of binge drinking and bad decisions — YEAH!!!! :::

The first inductee of the 2009 class — and 76th of all time — was Phenix City, Alabama’s own Charlie Capps — who capped off his burger slingin’ career with the HOF nod of infamy.

“After 48 years, I hung up my spatula,” he said.


Except all I’m inspired to be right now is fucking jealous as all getout!
I mean, ok sure — I don’t work at Krystal or anything but I have done my fair share over the years for the franchise (mostly when I was single and in my early 20s and running the streets all hours of the day and night and generally thinking I was badass and engaging in assorted variations or super ridiculousness but WHATEVER – I got my Krystal on!) … yet I’ve not been honored with so much as a half-price coupon!

Where’s the love, fuckers?!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Recognition rejection!!

Don’t make me bring my buns over to Burger King!


December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am


My boyfriend won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize!
::: third sitting prez to nab the nod 😉 SWEET!:::

“Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world’s attention and given its people hope for a better future,” the committee said. “His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world’s population.”

“I think it is extraordinary,” 2004 NPP winner Wangari Muta Maathai said. “It will be even greater inspiration for the world. He has shown how we can probably come together, work together in a cooperative way.”

Even you ‘other siders’ have to cop to the fact that this is a good thing.
Oh shuddit. It is.
It’s a good thing when any American wins the NPP – especially when that American is the president.
Stop the negative blah blah. It is.
::: See world! We’re not ALL hateful warmongers!!! :::

Congrats O’Baby!

October 9, 2009 at 10:20 am 19 comments

RIP John Updike


January 27, 2009 at 8:09 pm 4 comments

Do NOT prey on the peen

Flaccid men everywhere – REJOICE!

The founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, which makes the male enhancement drug Enzyte, was sentenced to 25 years in prison by a federal judge in Cincinnati.
::: Bob’s not smiling so much now … :::

The judge ruled that Steve Warshak,
soon to have this view —–>
convicted on charges including fraud and money laundering, must begin serving his 25-year sentence within 30 days.
::: fresh meat on the way, fellas – meet Steve Shawshank! :::

“This case is about greed,” the judge said.
::: NO SHIT! :::
“His family and the people who work for him are also victims of his greed.”
::: eh, I kinda gotta think they sorta kinda liked the money tho … :::

A federal jury found that Warshak, his company and several other defendants were guilty of victimizing thousands of their customers by misrepresenting their products.
::: you mean wheat grass and dirt doesn’t make a teeny peeny perk right the fuck up!?!:::

In addition to the prison sentence, the judge ordered the defendants to pay more than $500 million to the victims of their scheme.

Hey judge – does that ‘victim’ category include their horny, dissatisfied partners as well?

August 29, 2008 at 10:31 am 1 comment

Purple Hearts for EVERYONE!

Purple Heart awardThere is discussion in military circles to bestow the Military Order of the Purple Heart to soldiers with psychological wounds as well as physical ones … and the dividing line is just where you’d expect — smack dab between the liberal, commie, pinko-pansies who either know, love or treat some loser who can’t deal and those good ol’ warmongers who enjoy a good killin’ and a little torture from time to time.

Current military regulations say the pretty purple pin goes only to troops with injuries “received in action with an enemy” — you know, like Pat Tillman, who got his Purple Heart posthumously after engaging the enemy within his own United States Army unit.

Yup, that’s ok — but all you whinebag thumbsuckers with your flashbacks, tremors and nightsweats? You better set your sights on some other trinket ’cause the military don’t give no truck to that crybaby shit.

Repping the Pansy Thumbsuckers is John Fortunato, who runs a military Post Traumatic Stress Disorder treatment facility in Texas:
“These guys have paid at least as high a price, some of them, as anybody with a traumatic brain injury, as anybody with a shrapnel wound,” he said. Unless the government has a policy change, Dr. Fortunato says that troops will mistakenly believe that PTSD is a “wound that isn’t worthy.”

::: sad face :::

And in the Heartless Warmonger Corner is Bob Mackey, a retired Army lieutenant colonel who fought in the first and second Iraq wars:
“The Purple Heart was meant to be a badge of honor to show you were wounded in battle … I’ve been in combat three times. There’s stuff I’ve had to deal with. But it’s substantially different from being physically hurt,” he said sounding very much like a bitter old man who hasn’t gotten a purty purple pin yet.

::: sad face :::

PTSD is quickly becoming the signature ailment of the long wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Wars that do not have clear front lines and are fought in heavily populated civilian areas. Wars which basically mean you will eventually become a baby killer.

::: sad, crying face :::

So … To Purple Heart or Not To Purple Heart?
Oh, I really hope they don’t make that the question because it’d be truly tragic if the crux of the matter actually was whether soldiers deserve distinctive military jewelry as opposed to having mandated, structured, comprehensive therapy be an accepted, provided, encouraged and ongoing part of every soldier’s life.

But, you know, with suicides among returning soldiers are at an all-time high, maybe us civilians just don’t realize that letting sick soldiers tread the endless dark waters of their own misery is the military’s newest ‘weeding out’ process — or retirement plan.

May 13, 2008 at 7:36 pm 7 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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