Posts tagged ‘atlanta’

Put the brakes on breakfast, bitches!

The pancakes are pleased and the muffins amused but you can bet your sweet ass the ankle-biters in your abode are gonna be 12 shades of WAAAHHHHHHH when they find out about the nationwide waffle shortage.


That’s right, ‘rents – it’s time to push the panic button!
::: oh noes!!!!! :::

The Kellogg Company announced the awfulness and blamed the batter cake blight on “a confluence of events” — including Listeria monocytogenes [Mmmm Mmmm good!] that forced its Atlanta manufacturing plant to be shuttered for some serious sanitizing and then wouldnchajustnkowit – freak flooding at the same facility just as they were ready to resume production. ūüė¶
::: timing is everything :::

Kellogg flak Kris Charles conceded, “Flooding at our Atlanta facility as well as equipment issues necessitating extensive enhancements and repairs at our largest waffle bakery facility.”

Oh, but it’s ok.
I’m sure they’re on it.
I’m sure they have a plan!
I’m sure they wouldn’t just wing it when it comes to a full-scale waffle washout!

“We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible,” Charles said in crystal clear industry insider codespeak which, loosely translated, means ‘the chances of Joe Consumer gettin’ those griddle goodies at his local grocery are about the same as Palin getting a Pulitzer’.
::: Hi Slim! Meet NONE! :::

Hmmm … maybe it’s time to crack open that container of Kashi?
… just sayin’ …


November 19, 2009 at 11:05 am 3 comments

Dear Delta Airlines …

It’s true … but let’s be clear …

I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they have compromised scheduling.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they have crappy in-flight movies.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because their planes smell funkerrific.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they can’t control the weather.

I hate Delta Airlines because when ‘things happen’ – as¬†is the natural course of ‘things’ – Delta¬†Airlines and it’s shitass staff are incapable of handling it in a courteous and professional manner … or, well, sheeeeeyut – at ALL!

When my flight Sunday was delayed due to bad weather at my connect — the good old ATL — I took it as an unforeseen opportunity to write a bit on the book.
I’m a multi-tasker like that!

When we took off more than an hour late, I didn’t sweat it because all of the other planes headed to or leaving from Atlanta were late too!
We’re all in the same boa … err … plane!

When we finally landed in Atlanta, taxied to our gate and sat there like caged mice for an extra half hour because, according to our inept flight crew leader Debbie Dinbleberry, ‘hehe, umm, teehee, the jetway seems to be broken … we are soooooooo sorry!!!’ — I interpreted that to mean the crew understood that our initial delay was being further exascerbated by this mechanical problem and were on the radio hard at work getting information about connecting flights for their hostages passengers.

They weren’t.

‘I am sooooooo sorry!!!’ Dinglebutt laments over the public address system. ‘We have alerted ALL of the people who need to be notified about this and they are ALL going to get on this as soon as they can so that we can get everyone safely to their next destination!! Thanks for choosing Delta!!’

They are notifying ‘people’ about the jetway malfunction so we know that there ARE working radios on board, yet no one thinks to get information about connecting flights?!
Beads of sweat form on the upper lip of the woman behind me headed to Rotterdam.

32 minutes later …
‘That was a WONDERFUL dress rehearsal for the real thing everyone!’ Dinglefuck instructs the huddled masses.¬†‘Now, if we could all take our seats, the captain has been given a gate change assignment so we can all go home!’

By the time we rolled to the new gate and everyone had deplaned, everyone’s connection
— let me repeat —
EVERYONE’S CONNECTION had been missed.

Oh, but it wasn’t just¬†our flight. It happened all over the airport.
And you know what?
I have NO problem with flights getting missed or cancelled or whatnot.

Weather happens!

What I DO have a problem with is an airline so apparently completely unprepared to deal with ‘things’.

Adding insult (i.e. dumbfuck in-flight crew leader) to injury (i.e. terminals customer_serviceoverflowing with pissy passengers) were the Delta Airlines ‘customer service’ gals —¬†whose only talent as far as I could tell were making elder persons cry, ignoring the infirm and shouting ‘EXCUUUUSE ME, SIR!’ to anyone who had the audacity to *gasp* inquire about getting on another flight or Delta’s hotel voucher policy.
::: takes ALL the fun out of people watching! :::

Just so you know — if you are unlucky (or braindead) enough to have booked a Delta Airlines flight and you get bumped, miss your connect or, well, just have a question you need an answer to — that is NOT what Delta Customer Service does, mmmkay??

But — if you want to be maligned, ignored or just made to feel like you are the biggest boil on the butt of humanity — Delta Customer Service definitely has something to say to YOU!

And FUDELTA1to Delta Airlines I say a heartfelt and well-deserved Fuck You.

I didn’t fly you for a long time but gave you another shot … and was rudely reminded why, exactly, it was I stopped choosing Delta.

I DO have many choices when it comes to air travel and it won’t be with you – ever again.

Oh and not for nothing — but¬†the children of the very old, wheelchair-bound woman should sue your sorry asses for paying a truly unholy¬†hellbeast to scream at her for 10 solid minutes because she committed the grievous infraction of not understanding how she would get home after missing her flight (and kudos to the¬†group who stepped in on her behalf).
Seriously kids — if you do, email me for the depo!

September 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm 5 comments

Feedin’ time!


Bein’ as we’ez so broke-ass broke an all,¬†I’s oh’veer thinkin’¬†I’s gonna be shit outta luck an luv¬†this Valentahnz Day — but Wahffel Haus dun saved it fer me!
::: Thank Yew Wahffel Haus!!! :::

They’s off’rin up¬†a real nice candelaht dinner, wut wi’ wyte tablecloth an everthang!
::: ahhh romanse! :::

I s’poze they did it lass year er sumthin like ‘at an fohk’s¬†took¬†to it like¬†salt on a ‘mayter cuz they’s doin’ it a-gin

… an yew no wut?
I am all a-bout it!!!!

Stan bak! Cuz I’m fixin’ to git twiiny kinds¬†o’ Skatter’d, Smuther’d, Kuhver’d, Chunk’d, Top’d¬†an Dahs’d!!


February 12, 2009 at 6:30 pm 7 comments

South Carolina not happy to be gay

Oh honey chil’ – South Carolina is pissed, Pissed, PISSED!!

Seems someone leaked the Palmetto State’s gayness all over a London subway last weekend as part of a quiche-ified tourism campaign.
::: YAY! Company!! :::

The campaign called for plastering the subway with posters advertising the charms of South Carolina and five major U.S. cities to gay European tourists.

The South Carolina poster says:
“From plantations to the Civil War. Golf to¬†gay beaches.
Hilton Head, Charleston, Myrtle Beach.
There’s no place quite like South Carolina.”

Wait. What?
I’m sorry, but I don’t see the big gay problem here?
According to the poster, the only thing gay about South Carolina are some beaches.

Big whoop!

I’m near Key West,¬†and I’ve been to Fantasyfest!¬†Y’all are¬†gonna have to bring a WHOLE lot more gay than some crummy beaches to get my attention!

Ahh, but sadly (if not predictably), it did get attention in South Cackilackee, where the campaign was greeted with nothing less than shock, horror, revulsion, denial, wine spritzers and a very nice fruit and cheese assortment (from what I hear).

After The Palmetto Scoop¬†wrote about¬†the promotion, officials were falling all over each other in the race to publicly readjust themselves and be all ‘Nuh UH, we don’ cotton tuh thaht kahnd uv bu-hayvyer heeyuhr.’

Republican (ooo big shock there!)¬†state Sen. David Thomas –¬†no friend of Dorothy, he –¬†got his panties¬†27 kinds of twisted over his state being outed. He put on his prissy pants and called for an audit of the state’s advertising budget.

Speaking for homophobes statewide his constituents, Thomas said, ‚ÄúSouth Carolinians will be irate when they learn their hard earned tax dollars are being spent to advertise our state as ‚Äėso gay.‚ÄĚ
::: Yeah, I’m sure they much prefer being advertised as ‘so bigoted’ :::

Tourism officials¬†insisted they knew nothing about the campaign. So it’s kind of¬†strange that, when the promotion was first announced last month, the tourism board¬†issued a statement saying ‚Äúit sends a powerful positive message.‚ÄĚ

But now¬† they’ve pulled their foot back from the other stall and are canceling¬†payment on the posters … but not before the big, burly bureaucrats laid blamed the whole¬†unfortunate¬†episode¬†squarely on the shoulders of some ‘low-level state worker who did not run the idea by senior officials’.

The employee, who was not identified, resigned last week.
::: Probably for the best. Bigots turn bully real fast :::

And what of Atlanta, Boston, Las Vegas, New Orleans and Washington, D.C. Рthe other  cities who took part in the campaign?
Oh, they’re just fine — and thanx for asking!!!!

None have reported any negative backlash.
They are, in fact, very much into meeting new people, traveling and taking part in the $64.5 billion U.S. gay tourism market.

So fuckyouverymuch South Carolina and good luck with that¬†whole ‘coming into the 21st century’ thing!!


July 16, 2008 at 6:07 pm


A weedy sea dragon at the Georgia Aquarium has something to celebrate this Father’s Day – he’s pregnant!

pregnant weedy sea dragon atlanta aquariumYes … HE.

But getting these dudes knocked-up must be harder than it sounds. The pregnancy is only the third time ever something like this has happened at a U.S. aquarium. (Unless the other guys, umm, you know — took care of it.)

What else makes it such a big deal? The dads carry the eggs in this family.
::: Quick guess says Teleflora puts them in the non-mom category :::

Congrats himbo!

June 13, 2008 at 12:14 am 2 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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