Posts tagged ‘athletics’

NSD – WHEEEEE!!!!!!!

Even though it started on a ūüė¶ note when we were


as my would-be new ‘boo gave my impassioned plea the side-eye in favor of becoming a big ol’ ‘Cock.
:::¬†Good luck, my friend — but I leave you with one final thought … transfer
think about it :::

Oh yes, even though I’ve been denied true Tiger-luv by Marcus Lattimore – I WILL NOT BE DETERRED!!!

Hell to the no!
Because today is THE day!
National Signing Day!!!


It’s Christmas, my birthday and anniversary, the last day of Hanukkah and National Give A Fucking Gift Just For The Hell Of It Day in general — uh huh! It is bonus BIG present day and I am 20 shiny, sparkly, twinklified, glitterated kinds of LET’S GET IT STARTED READY!!!!!

signingdayMarcus Lattimore *sniff* notwithstanding  Рquestions remain!!

Where oh where is DE Cory Lemonier going?
C’mon baby — you know inside you beats a TIGER’S heart, snookums!!!

And five-star lineman Shon Coleman? You, my fine, fine piece of OL ass are tailor MADE to bust through any opposition at Jordon Hare and beyond. You know you are!

Michael Dyer — show us your John Hancock and make it official!!

Seriously! Why even think about other schools?!

Follow your hearts! COMMIT TO AUBURN!!


I patiently await your beautified, hopificated signatures …

… Developing …

9:00 a.m.: Welcome Jawara White!! A linebacker who can score- SCORE!!

AaaandShaun Kitchens and Ryan Smith (who told Kentucky to shove it) are on board. SWEETNESS!!

… More …

10:00 a.m.:  Shon Coleman signs with Auburn Рwoo hoo!!!
::: SUCKIT BAMA! :::

In case you live under a rock – Coleman is one of the highest-rated players in the whole and entire signing class, ‘kay? He’s also one of the biggest at 6-foot-7, 285 pounds. He was ranked No. 1 in Mississippi, had offers from several schools, including¬†six from the SEC alone, and he picked Auburn over Alabama, Ole Miss and Miami – which proves he’s got a big ol’ brain to go with all that brawn as well!

And, as expected but you can’t be 100% sure until he signs on the dotted line so fervent hopification had to happen, Michael Dyer signed with Auburn too!
Oh yeah, oh yeah!!

Dyer just happens to be considered the top high school running back in the whole and entire country according to ESPN – so SUCKIT LOSER SCHOOLS!!!

… Stay tuned …

11:00 a.m.: Hey hey Eric Mack! You KNOW it’s great to be an Auburn Tiger!!

Unlike some players from South Carolina who shall remain nameless but whose initials are MARCUS LATTIMORE – Big Mack (SMOOCHES ūüôā )¬†chose¬†Auburn after originally committing to the Gamecocks.
::: SUCKIT COCKS – that just felt good :::

…¬†MTC …

1:15 p.m.: YAY!!!!! Corey Lemonier and Trovon Reed are ALSO coming to the loveliest village on the Plains!!!!
OMG – This is better than butter!!!!!!!!! This may be our heaviest signing day, like, EVAR!!! I am so superkalifrajilistically EXCITED for the coming season!!!!

…¬†Continued …

February 3, 2010 at 11:21 am 1 comment


I’m so excited!!¬†I’m so excited!!¬†I’m so excited!!¬†I’m so excited!!¬†I’m so excited!!¬†I’m so excited!!¬†I’m so excited!!

In just a few SWEET hours my absolute favorite thing in the whole and entire UNIVERSE happens!!!!
::: No, not THAT! ūüėČ :::


auburn_tigersI mean, ok, despite taking a number one QB (KODI myheartBURNSforyou) and inexplicably making him a second team Wide Receiver (?!?!?!) and putting that awsome hot young thing Tyrik Rollison at third-team QB – behind those fuckers who couldn’t get it done last season – Chris Todd and Neil Caudle (does NOT compute!) – WHATEVER! I don’t care (right now)! Because today it’s all possibilities and sunshininess and glittery rays of promise coming down from the heavens for my beloved AU and NOTHING (right now) will get in the way of the audacious hopification I am vibing (right now)!!!
And, not for nothing, but let’s just hope my guys keep it classy instead of going 20 kinds of dumbass like Oregon’s LeGarette Blount did last night on the Smurf Turf at Boise State.
Dumbfuckery Supreme!!

September 4, 2009 at 10:27 am 5 comments

Music City Marks


After starting 37 games, making 114 tackles and 7.5 quarterback sacks in his three-year college career – Sen’Derrick Marks (the only Auburn Tiger chosen by any team on Draft Day *ugh*) is Tennessee Titan’s bound!

Good luck, hoss — can’t WAIT for your first NFL start!

April 26, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Adding up the WHAT?!?


Does anyone else see that?
I mean, cocktail hour did come early at Chez Cookie today so it’s entirely possible I’m not seeing what I swear I’m seeing … and that I saw waaaaaay earlier this morning but was all ‘oh HAHAHA — I’m sure someone’ll catch that soon’ … but now it’s, like, hours later and that shit’s still there, so I’m all ‘maybe it’s just me?!?’

Be real with me guys – is it just me?

Well, just in case it is — good luck at the Super Bowly everyone!!


January 31, 2009 at 7:32 pm 1 comment


A week ago, Covenant Academy’s girl’s basketball team¬†put an embarassing¬†100-0 bully beatdown on hapless Dallas Academy.¬†
Despite the score,¬†the Dallas coach said the game was¬†win for his girls ‘because they never gave up’.
Awwwwsome, dude!

And that should have been that!

But then¬†the media began getting reports of¬†unsportsmanlike conduct on Covenant’s part, which forced¬†school administrators to publicly condemn¬†such behavior¬†on their school’s website.

And that really should have been that!

But¬†then their giant meatbag of a coach -who apparently didn’t see¬†things¬†the same way and just couldn’t find the discipline [imagine that] to¬†keep his yap shut – emailed the local rag a bunch of blah blah about how¬†running up the score on a team who hasn’t won a game in¬†four seasons is, like, way honorable and¬†exemplifies¬†totally quality sportsmanship and shit.

So Covenant got all firey on his ass.

And that really Really should have been that!

But now the basketball biatches from Covenant¬†are making¬†a bid to get their 15 minutes extended by announcing that they’re ‘trying to do the right thing’ [a week after the fact] by asking for a forfeit and gettin’ their public¬†‘woops – our bad’ on over their truly inexcusable margin of victory.


What’s it gonna take?

Just go on The View and hug it out already – and then pinky swear that this is the absolute LAST we have to hear about it for, like, EVER!!!

Pretty pretty please with sweet sweet sugar and a nice plump cherry on top?!?!?

January 28, 2009 at 10:31 pm 2 comments

Older Posts

This is the shit you bitches are reading

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: