Posts tagged ‘amusing’

So that happened …


With the Newtown Massacre just a super-sized slice of  STILL TOO FRESH :(, it’s no small wonder that my snark just isn’t as up-to-snuff as I like that shit to be.

So I’m not even gonna go there right now.

But I’ll leave you with this …

… and tease you with this snippet of a soon-to-be-revealed MAJOR AWARD — Major Awardthe likes of which is eternally unparalleled with any accolade ever accorded to any living organism ever to have existed throughout the entirety of all of the ages known the man!!!

Yup, it’s that big.

Advertisements

December 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Happy Birthday Big Jeezy!


And to those of you who didn’t get what you wanted … deal.

It’s not time to clock out just yet. 😉

252_22958_9fa125f460bb81d861f4e5f086eaae58

Merry Merry!

XOXO — Cookie

P.S. – Cookie Toss This Week 😉

December 25, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Hold EVERYTHING!!!


Forget death and disease!
Forget natural disasters!!
Forget politics!!!

Forget EVERYTHING currently going on in any corner, crevice or crack of the entire and known thing we call THE UNIVERSE
because no event, no occurrence, no happening anywhere is anywhere nearly as interesting, as extraordinary or as singularly significant as what has taken place in that teeny tiny wee little underpopulated location we call China JUST this very weekend!!!!

Chinese Break World Mattress Dominoes Record

OHHH!
EMMMM!!
GEEEEEEE!!!

Is there no deed, development or feat of derring-do the peeps of the planet’s most populous place do not dominate?!?

Seems NOT!

It all went down in a Shanghai shopping mall on Saturday, where China state media approvingly reported that “volunteers, mostly domino lovers, first carefully arranged and leaned against 1,001 mattresses … being careful not to fall back and ruin the rally before it even started.

Can’t you just imagine the chaos if the group of Guinnes go-getters hadn’t been “mostly domino lovers”?!?
Thank GOD they left nothing to chance!!

Cheng Dong, an authenticator from the Guinness World Records, breaks it all down for us …

“For an event like this involving 1,000 people to succeed first time is not just about luck.”
::: Fuck no it’s not! :::

“All other conditions must be correct.”
::: Don’t even argue. They just MUST, OK?!? :::

“First of all, all the participants must fully understand the rules.”
::: Which are basically boiled down to ‘don’t fuck it up!’ :::

“Second, our volunteers were all very brave.”
::: Oh yes. A brave, brave battalion of cushion commandos, indeed! :::

Oh, but victory is fleeting and there is truly no rest for burned out bed bombers!

Because the challenge is born anew, bitches!!

Because just a scant few months ago, it was an American assembly of 850 pallet pilots from the holy grail of all things bed — La Quinta Inns and Suites — who were crowned the officially authenticated Guinness World Record holders for achieving the Largest Human Mattress Dominoes endeavor!

Do we hear 1001, America?!?!?

U-S-A!
U-S-A!!

July 16, 2012 at 5:50 pm

ALL HAIL BB!!


Yesterday bore witness to a mighty feat!

A Major Accomplishment!!

A MONUMENTOUS EVENT!!!

… and you missed it …

… a fact that would normally make me put on a big ol’ boo-hoo frowny face for you, except — this time — I don’t have to.

Because you were saved.

SAVED!

Saved by my Birmingham Buddette — who’s name shall remain a secret but who’s initials are The Most Magnificent Mom and Marvelous Motorist Extraordinaire To Infinity EVAR!!!!

SAVED!

Because she’s a hero like that.

ALL HAIL BB!!

Because while you and Flo Rida were gettin’ your collective ‘Good Feeling’ on, she was diverting DOOM by keeping her shit all kinds of together while witnessing nothing short of all-out hitchhiking hijackery — on her windsheild!

BEHOLD!

Hitchhiking Hot Slut

Questions abound!

How was the runaway reptile able to sustain the shanghai at speeds in excess of 70 miles per hour?!

How did my Birmingham Budette manage to operate her automobile under such dire circumstances?!?

How did that lizard stay latched on for more than 20 miles?!?!

How many of you motorists passed this public phenomenon – completely unaware you could have borne witness to one of the most treacherous treks in all of known history dating back to the  invention of the WHEEL in the most ancient of times?!?!?!

Ohhhh, make no mistake about it, people!

THIS will undoubtedly go down as one of history’s GREAT mysteries!

Because the critter certainly has no comment and my Birmingham Buddette’s far too fly to divulge the deets before the book deal’s done!

… and you missed it

ALL HAIL BB!!

March 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm 2 comments

YEAH!!!!!


Occupy Sesame Street

Because Bert don’t play, yo!

SOURCE: Break.com

November 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm 3 comments

Subject: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!


The bitches I hang with are cool.
I call ’em ‘Thuh Kool Beeeez’.
They crack me up.
Little fuckers …


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:20 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

are you sh***ing me?

http://www.lyrictheatre.com/show/501-boyziimen0d0a


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:26 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

‘Uhh Ahh’, seems they are finding out ‘It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday’, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re ‘Under Pressure’ in ‘Motownphilly’ sweatin’ the ‘Little Things’ like ‘Your Love’.

All I can say, if you’re considering buying a ticket is ‘Please Don’t Go’ ‘Lonely Heart’ ‘Please Don’t Go’


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:29 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Wow you are a gigantic dork…


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:29 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

NOBODY PUTS COOLEYHIGHHARMONY IN A CORNER!!!

LOL!!!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:32 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

I kinda sorta really want to go. If it was Bell Biv Devoe (sp?) I would definitely be there.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:35 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Who would you go see less – Boyz II Men or P.M Dawn?

DISCUSS!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:41 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Honestly, I’m a little young. Hahahahahahaa. My first concert was vanilla ice.


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:43 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Mine was NKOTB


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

BAHAHSAHA


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:48 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

I know right…my mom took me..

U2 was my second concert


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:51 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

My first was Dan Fogelberg at the Oak Mountain Amphitheater with the editor (Brooks Atherton) from the Leeds News, where I worked the summer between my junior and senior years in high school.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. It’s time for my Metamucil.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:43 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

AND GET OFF MY LAWN!!!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

And into your car with the ragtop down so my hair can blow?


From: Koolbe_N
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:46 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

The girlies on stand by just waiting to say hi


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:50 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Did you stop? No, I just drove by


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:51 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Seriously…. DORKS


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:53 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

All Right!

Stop,

Collaborate,

And Listen.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:57 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

We should write our own …

All Right! Stop, Collaborate, And Listen.

Something in my car’s all knockin’ and hissin’


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:58 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Hope it’s not that Hoe in the Trunk

Knew I never shoulda gotten her drunk

?


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 5:00 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

July 28, 2011 at 11:03 pm 2 comments

THEY LIED!!!


All of those Sally Sunshines running around the last few months talking shit about how the New Great Depression is over lied!

It is SO not over!
In fact, we may be headed for mega monetary malaise right NOW!

How do I know?
THIS is how!
———->

World of Decor is soon to be no more!

They even say ‘The end is near’ RIGHT THERE on their billboard of DOOM!

People! Don’t stop buying decor!
The earth can’t survive with no decor and heaven knows I can’t get my decor at just any store!

Hell no!
It’s got to be from World of Decor. It just has to!
They’re not some dinky Decor Depot, Decor Den or Debbie’s Decor Delights (yuk).
No, my friends. This is WORLD of Decor — where they have everything you need to trick our your trailer, put the haute in your habitat and the couture in your crib!

You need them!

Dispossessed of decor, how will you appoint your abode (or cardboard box under the freeway overpass) to reflect the true beauty, elegance and sophistication that says cheap laminate ‘YOU’ to all who enter?
You won’t!

Divested of decor, how will you complete your lawn lion army?!
You won’t!!

Devoid of decor, how will you Louis XIV your living space?!?
YOU WON’T!!!

ACK!

I mean, oh sure, I can go anywhere to get my knick-knacks, tchotchkes and all-around dust-catchers. But when it comes to 15-foot-tall molded-cement statuary or gold-plated or velvet-covered anything – well I shouldn’t have to tell you that you can’t just pick that shit up anywhere, you know.

This is bad … just don’t make it worse by letting anyone from ‘Real Housewives: New Jersey’ know, ‘kay?

June 6, 2010 at 4:25 pm 3 comments

Older Posts


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: