Posts tagged ‘alcohol’

Erin Go WAAAHHHHH!!!!!


I have a mission!
I’ve heard the call!!
I finally know my purpose, y’all!!!

I MUST SAVE IRELAND!!!!

Against the backdrop of deep recession and rampant unemployment, alcohol consumption all over the Emerald Isle has crashed harder than Amy Winehouse after a 4-month Blaaaaaaaaaaake binge!

FFFFWOP!!!

Ireland’s per capital alcohol consumption fell by 9.6 percent in 2009 and is now 21 percent below an all-time peak in 2001 when Ireland’s economy was booming.

TWENTY ONE PERCENT DOWNTURNAGE!!!!

“It was the worst year for our industry in living memory,” Kieran Tobin, chairman of the Drinks Industry Group of Ireland (DIGI), told a news conference in a central Dublin pub.

WORSTEST MOST AWFULEST YEAR IN LIVING MEMORY!!!!

And, if it wasn’t bad enough already – the decline in dedicated drinking was made even worse by the combination of a strong euro and comparatively low excise duty on spirits in Northern Ireland, because that shit flat out drove folks over the edge border to buy their drinks elsewhere, which cost the Irish government an estimated 100 million euros ($135.1 million) a year in lost revenue.

And all that statistical stuff translates to pubs closing at the rate of around one a day (YIKES) and 15,000 jobs lost across the region over the last 18 months.

PUBS CLOSING = DEFCON FIVE! DEFCON FIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!

This is serious shit and I won’t have it!

Hang on girl! Help is coming!!
Cookie and her hollow leg are on the way!!!!!

SOURCE

Photo: Reuters

March 24, 2010 at 10:18 am

WWBQQD?


::: Sorry greeneyedgirl – it had to be done! :::

Next month, Burger King is opening a new Whopper Bar in South Beach that will sell beer and burgers.

Complicated Order!
SA-CURRITY!!!

Just kidding — that bitch would be in heaven!!

* Beatbox *
It’s the sickest kind of day, you gonna git it all your way
A Double Whopper and some fries, with a cold one on the side …
* Beatbox *

Burger Kings in Germany and Whopper Bars in Singapore and Venezuela already sell suds, but this will be the first BK B&B in the US to get they drank on.

* Beatbox *
I’ll give it to you in a cup, and I’ll fill that muthah up
But forget about dessert, unless you lookin’ to get hurt …
*
Beatbox *

More Whopper Bars could be coming to New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, says Chuck Fallon, president of Miami-based Burger King North America.

HEEYYYY!!

SOURCE

January 25, 2010 at 11:51 am 6 comments

Is this allowed?


0907_linsay_lohan_r_c_9906_akmimages_excNo. I’m serious.
Is it?

I mean, ok – maybe it’s part of the one THOUSAND and fucking twelve-step program this trick is workin’ … but otherwise I have to call giant FAILS on a haggard 23-year-old alky crackwhore dingbat wearing a ‘Just Say NO To Drugs’ T-shirt.

I mean, HAHAHAHAHA for irony and all, bitch – but Nancy Reagan is not amused, ‘kay?!

SOURCE

September 8, 2009 at 10:08 am 3 comments

War on welfare?


Pennsylvania lawmakers are considering a bill that would stick a big ol’ brick wall of “NEGATORY WINOS!” between welfare recipients and their state-funded boozy times.

This is so wrong!

In this The Great Depression 2.0 ™ – the ONE thing the hopeless and downtrodden can cling to … the ONE thing they truly gotta have – is their hooch!!!

Seriously! 
A tummy full of Tequila or Tangueray smoothes the harsh edges of a chilly winter’s night alfresco like nobody’s business!

But just try telling that to State Rep. Dave Reed, R[eally MEAN]-Indiana, and you’ll get a steaming cuppa ‘screw you, deadbeat’!

reedReed submitted his ‘No Booze for  Beggars’ bill after discovering it was actually, like, legal and shit for the poors to buy their Boone’s using taxpayer-backed benefit cards, which look and can be used much like a common credit card.

“I had no idea at the time that such a loophole existed,” he shouted to the little people from high atop his ivory tower.
::: Get ready for a MAJOR huffy when he finds out what they do at the needle exchange!! :::

Reed’s bitter pill of a bill would bar Pennsylvania’s 619 state liquor stores and private beer distributors from accepting the Department of Public Welfare’s electronic benefit cards from the approximately 2 million Keystone Staters who get cash assistance, food stamps or medical aid of some kind.

And I know all of the assholes out there hatin’ on the homeless and dusgusted by the destitute are ALL FOR this shit!

‘Cuz it sounds good; it feels right – right?

Yeah … too bad it won’t work.

Oh shuddit!
It won’t.

Because — aside from the fact that Scaggy Maggie will flat out cut a bitch for blockin’ her Bud — Reed forgot that little bit about the bennie badges behaving like credit cards.

So who’s to stop the vagabond horde from gettin’ their ATM on?
That’s riiiight hobo haters … a steaming cuppa ‘No one’ – that’s who!

Ahhhh government!
Oh well — better luck with the druggies, Dave!

SOURCE

May 11, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Spirit’s Smock Schock


Some not-yet-laid-off flight attendants forgot that whole ‘thankful to have a job in this New Great Depression’ thing and got all Captain Pissy Pants over a new uniform design that *SHOCK* includes an apron showing logos for certain alcoholic beverages.

Deborah Crowley, the HBIC of Spirit’s flight attendants union chapter, said “turning flight attendants into walking billboards is unacceptable.”
::: Well yeah – sure, ‘cuz losing your job like those 7,000 United schmucks or those 1,700 USAir hacks or the ‘undiscosed’ number gettin’ the JetBlue boot of doom is, like,WAAAYYYY more acceptable — GOTCHA!! :::

Apparently mystified by that whole ‘revenue stream’ concept, the Association of Flight Attendants chapter at Spirit Airlines said:
1.) The uniforms send the wrong signal to passengers
::: Which would be what? “Thank you for flying Spirit! Why yes we DO have a beverage service!” OMG — WHAT AN OUTRAGE!!! :::

2.) Make it harder for flight attendants to enforce safety regulations.
::: because … like, what? The apron isn’t really an apron but rather an undercover agent of some super secret terrorist cell?!? OMG — WHAT AN OUTRAGE!!! :::

My advice?

REPRIORITIZE, BITCH!

Strap on the apron, sling the sauce, collect your cash and direct your righteous indignation where it really belongs — at Spirit’s long history of stupid sexist fratboy advertising!

I mean, who can forget last year’s ‘We’re having a threesome’ special – OR this year’s sequel to the superclassy campaign from 2007:

::: … ok, actually I’m just pissed no one asked me to be the spokeswhore on that one … :::

January 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm 7 comments

APpalled?


So I was drinki, uhh, talking with a friend last night about the recent employee standoff at Republic Windows and Doors and we were all ‘Power to the People’ and ‘Stick it to the Man’ and ‘Score one for the Little Guy’ and feeling pretty proud of the proletariat, which made me all ‘more mojitos!’ when my friend leaned in and confided that he, too, was taking part in just such an action this week.
::: SWISHY!!! :::

Seems some of the rank and file at the Associated Press are more than a little rankled that they’re not gettin’ management money-love, so now they’re all ‘No byline for you!’ and are waging a small-scale media mutiny.
::: cute :::

“They have the temerity to attempt a contractually obligated pay freeze next year,” my friend hissed through his teeth, “and then they want to further insult us with a paltry two percent raise after that? KNOWING we’re asking for – and, quite frankly, expecting to get – a proper 10! I mean really! Can you believe that fucking horseshit?!? Can you???”

Umm, like yeah and stuff?

Such an outwardly hostile sense of entitlement may lead you to assume he shoots for Donatella or Elie Saab … or AIG or Bank of America … but no. He’s AP.

And, in his defense, I must tell you that my friend has been away.

Far away.

He’s been working on a photography project in the Ardennes countryside – so he’s kind of new to this whole ‘world going to hell in a handbasket and taking the job/housing/banking/technology/andeverythingelsethatsustainsyou market with it’ thingamafuck the rest of us have been trudging through all year.

He didn’t get the memo about America’s new national employment policy:
Wage Freeze + Weensy Updward Rationing = Hopefully Potentially Possibly Maybe Being Able to Stay in Business Through the New Great Depression.

And, apparently, neither did some other folks.

“Staffers recognize the tough times, but they also understand that quality journalism at AP means attracting and retaining the best employees,” said Tony Winton, president of the News Media Guild

Now, anyone who knows me knows I am ALL FOR agitatin’ and pot stirrin’ and basically doing whatever it takes to be the biggest pain in the ass you can possibly be because, well, that’s just how I roll … AND I am ALL FOR MONEY!!! …  buuuutttt when
– you work in an economy that’s lost 1.9 million jobs this year (including more than 15,000 of your own brethren) …
– AND your company has already announced a 10% workforce reduction for the coming year …
– AND dues-paying members are so fed up with your company’s rate restructuring they’re defecting left and right …
– AND your competitors are aggressively teaming up against you and are nine THOUSAND kinds of eager to strike a deal with those former in-the-biz bffs …
– AND what little space remains in the ever-dwindling newshole of American media is quickly morphing from info- to ADVERtainment — effectively making moot your point of the perceived value of what , exactly, it is that you do for a living …

Umm, wow … I’m dizzy … where was I? … Oh yeah — my point!

I think that before I got on my talented and principled yet pompous and pampered high horse that I might consider taking a good long look around, getting myself a nice-sized clue and continuing to do the job I “didn’t get into for the money” but get paid well to do already …

… but that’s just me …

December 17, 2008 at 11:16 am 4 comments

A Lite Reid


0The delicious nugget of sophisticated elegance that is human mattress Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center for a little Rehab 101.
::: probably more like a 500-level class in this case … ::: 

I’m shocked really.
No way I saw THAT one coming a mile away wearing fuck-me pumps and screaming ‘Ahh wohnna nuthur shohttt!!’ through a megaphone on Sunday morning.
Nope.
Total surprise.

Godspeed, delicate flower.
Godspeed.

December 13, 2008 at 1:21 am 8 comments

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