Posts tagged ‘alabama’

Some things never change


That was 2004.

And he’s right.
That (hate) train is never late.

Which is a million gozillion times beyond the saddest of sad things ever to spur sadness in the entire and collective history of the known universe.
At least it is for me.

Because, here I was, all peppy, proud and playfully politically puffy thinking folks were out there reading important shit, learning important shit and basically gettin’ their social and political shit all kinds of together.

Californians passed Proposition 30, which is a combined four-year, quarter-cent general sales tax increase and an income tax increase for people who make at least $250,000 a year. The money is projected to raise an average of $6 billion annually for the state’s general fund and education to prevent nearly $6 billion in “trigger cuts,” mostly to education, this year.

::: Yay Education! :::

Ballot initiatives allowing same-sex marriage passed in Washington state, Maryland and Maine.

::: Yay Equal Rights!! :::

Ballot measures legalizing pot in Colorado and Washington both passed, and initiatives legalizing marijuana for medical purposes in Massachusetts and Arkansas passed.

::: Yay Cheeto, err, Progressive Revenue Streams!!! :::

But then, alas, it happened.

The veritable tidal wave of racist rants I was fervently hoping against all possible hope would not be thought, typed or otherwise idiotically ideated flat out flooded the Twittersphere — with exactly who you’d expect to see barfing the most bigotry — Alabama and Mississippi.

::: Some things never change … :::

Racist Tweet

::: belch :::

Racist Tweet

::: blech :::

And I’m all ‘Goddamn you Alabama! Why can’t you make the news for something positive just ONCE?!’
ACK to infinity!!!

You are home to my two greatest joys and loves — my family and my beloved, sacred, down-on-their-luck-at-the-moment-but-ready-to-
RISE Auburn Tigers!!!
My happy places!!!

Why must you balance such wondrous glory and goodness with the kind of gut-level asshattery that should have died out MORE than decades ago?!?!
Quadruple ACK to infinity!!!!!

… oh, but I digress … this isn’t about me … it’s about an informed electorate … only not so much …

Floating Sheep produced a frighteningly telling geocoded map showing a spike in small-minded Tweets after election day.

They used a location quotient inspired measure (LQ) indicating each state’s share of election hate speech tweet relative to its total number of tweets. A score of 1.0 indicates that a state has relatively the same number of hate speech tweets as its total number of tweets. Scores above 1.0 indicate that hate speech is more prevalent than all tweets, suggesting that the state’s “Twitterspace” contains more racists post-election tweets than the norm.

Mississippi and Alabama have the highest LQ measures with scores of 7.4 and 8.1, respectively.

Some things people never change.

Ed. Note: I know it’s easy to be stupid and roll around in stupidity all day just being stupid and all … but now and then, just occasionally, every once in a while, open a fucking book and learn something rather than just sitting around spewing the stupid that just makes you look, well, STUPID!
This is why it’s called The White House, kittens:
It is a reference to the color of the house.
The porous sandstone walls of the building were coated with a mixture of lime, rice glue, casein and lead, which give it the white color and led to the familiar name.
It was originally called the “President’s Palace”, but was changed to “Executive Mansion” in 1810 to avoid connections with royalty.
People have always (always) historically referred to the building as the white house because of its appearance.
President Theodore Roosevelt officially adopted the name “The White House” on Oct. 12, 1901.

P.S. Pumpkins: Four More Years. Yep. Deal with it, bitches! 🙂

November 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

What’s in a name?


Everything, if you’re this guy! ——>

Meet the proud owner of, perhaps, the most outstandingly magnificent moniker in the history of all of mankind!

Meet Young Boozer ——>

HELL YEAH!

The former Montgomery banker says people never forget his name once they hear it and he’s hoping that works to his advantage as he takes on George Wallace Jr. – another unforgettable name – to become Alabama’s next state treasurer.

HOW CAN IT NOT?!

April 1, 2010 at 10:02 am 3 comments

WWJD?


He’d creep up into your crib, drop his drawers and insist on sex with your spouse and spawn, of course!

Just ask Jesus 65-year-old Jean Timms of Gun Town (yep, you read that right), Mississippi, who let himself into an abode in Franklin, Alabama and told the startled homeowner that he was the savior himself and was there to have sex with the man’s wife and daughter.

MESSIANIC MONKEY BUSINESS!!!

After a couple of minutes passed with no water turning to wine, harps and cherubs appearing or diseases being miraculously cured, the Lamb lunatic of God got all ‘ok, haha, ya got me … I’m really Elvis Presley’ … then he dropped his pants.

A-wop-bop-a-loom-a-boom-bam-boom
TUTTI FRUTTI

Cue the 911 call and here come the boys in blue, who found Jes … Elv … WHACKJOB just outside the house with his pants still pulled down.

Upon his arrest, Timms pulled a true switcheroo and claimed he was REALLY the grandson of Harry Houdini and could escape from anywhere – ANYWHERE, BITCHES!!!!!

… ‘cept those skills clearly need work cuz’ The Great Disappointment is still sitting in the Franklin County Jail … without bail.

FAIL!

Franklin County District Attorney Joey Rushing – in an uncanny rendition of FUCKING OBVIOUS! – said, “Just based on the circumstances of the arrest, we’ll be asking the state to conduct a mental evaluation on the suspect when the time comes.”

ya think?!

SOURCE

March 31, 2010 at 10:21 am 2 comments

Am I the only one …


… who finds the juxtaposition of headline and photo here très amusant?


SOURCE

January 13, 2010 at 10:57 am

Droll Tide


It comes as no surprise to anyone who has even the remotest passing knowledge of The Cookie that Auburn Football is the absolute and complete love of my life.
::: It’s ok – Mr. Cookie has learned to deal. :::

And even knowing that about me, the peeps here in Florida think I’m joking when I tell them nothing – and I DO mean nothing – is more important to people from the state of Alabama than almighty football.

Which is why – despite the fact that it centers around the hated, The Despised, THE DEVIL’S SPAWN that is the Alabama Crimson Tide – I am totally down with the following and don’t find it at all ridicutarded.

Lawyers representing the defendant in an accidental death case — a case that has taken four years to come to trial — asked the judge to delay the trial because it conflicts with the Alabama-Texas BCS title game on January 7.

And judge sez?
Sure!
::: Whaaat?!? It IS the championship game! :::

Attorney Jon Terry argued in his motion for delay that the trial was scheduled “before certain monumental events occurred,” that some attorneys have tickets to the game, that jurors are likely to be preoccupied and that opposing attorneys went to Auburn.
::: Monumental … you know, like barely beating Auburn in the final minutes after having your Heisman hero being held to less than one yard per carry by my beloved Tigers in the heartbreak game of the year … uh huh sure, but whatever … :::

“ROLL TIDE!!” the motion concludes.

Circuit Judge Dan King, an Auburn alumnus, said he planned to grant the motion.

“If I didn’t, they’d say, ‘He just didn’t grant it because he’s an Auburn fellow,'” he said. “I wouldn’t do that to ’em.”

Shockingly – plaintiffs attorneys have a problem with this!
::: must be grouchy Gator grads … :::

In a motion filed Thursday morning they argued that the trial should begin as scheduled.
“Simply stated, some things are more important than football,” the motion said.

BLASPHEMERS!!!

Judge Scott Vowell, the presiding judge in Jefferson County and also an Auburn alumnus [we DO rule!], said he’d never before seen a motion that requested a continuance because of a football game but gave the Tiders mad props for coming clean.

“There’s been some motions for continuances and I’ve suspected what the real reason was,” he said. “But this is the first one I’ve seen that was this honest and candid about the reason.”

Judge King, who had not yet issued a formal order late Thursday, said he would reschedule the trial to begin in a month or two.

Bama — ballsy on the field … and off!

SOURCE

December 18, 2009 at 11:58 am 4 comments

Heisman Schmeisman


Accolades and honors aren’t just about athletic achievment, people!

A major award is being handed down and if there’s any merit to logic at all – YOU, my friends, are totally missing it.

Ten dedicated SOBs (Servers of Burgers) are making hamburger history as the Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame Class of 2009.

Yes, you read that correctly.
There is a Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame.
And this special group of fast food faithfuls will now forever be a part of it.

INFAMY!!!

Accoutrements of the award include each Hall of Famer being featured on his or her very own super spectacular Krystal Hamburger or Cheese Krystal box, which will be first unveiled at each guests’ exclusive ceremony before being used in the 385 Krystal restaurants across the South beginning early next year.

Yes, you read that correctly.
They each get their own ceremony!
::: Kinda takes the special right out of the supermarket sheet cake your cubiclemates gave you at your last party, huh … :::

Each burger box will include an illustration of the Hall of Famer PLUS a quote that describes his or her passion for Krystal AND personal facts such as the inductee’s hometown and favorite Krystal meal.
::: Banana Freeze, Fries and Chili Cheese Pups at 2 in the morning after a night of binge drinking and bad decisions — YEAH!!!! :::

The first inductee of the 2009 class — and 76th of all time — was Phenix City, Alabama’s own Charlie Capps — who capped off his burger slingin’ career with the HOF nod of infamy.

“After 48 years, I hung up my spatula,” he said.

INSPIRATIONAL!!!

Except all I’m inspired to be right now is fucking jealous as all getout!
I mean, ok sure — I don’t work at Krystal or anything but I have done my fair share over the years for the franchise (mostly when I was single and in my early 20s and running the streets all hours of the day and night and generally thinking I was badass and engaging in assorted variations or super ridiculousness but WHATEVER – I got my Krystal on!) … yet I’ve not been honored with so much as a half-price coupon!

Where’s the love, fuckers?!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Recognition rejection!!

Don’t make me bring my buns over to Burger King!

SOURCE

December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am

Can’t talk …


Last chance at seasonal redemption …

This afternoon …

MUST

GET

READY!!!!!

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

November 27, 2009 at 1:14 pm 2 comments

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