Posts tagged ‘airplane’

London Calling


It is ON!
I am DOIN’ it!!
You better be ready, Great Britain!!!

Lock up the London Cookiebooze and tie up the hounds, ’cause this¬†little trick is LONDON-bound!!

Gonna take in the Thames, check out Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, make my way through the Tate Modern, eat a bite at the crypt cafe in the Church of St. Martin In The Fields, see St. James Park, the Blue Bridge, the Churchill War Rooms, the Wallace Collection, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Fleet Street, Dickens House, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Foyles, London Bank, Green Friday Market … man, I am gonna do it ALL!

Now, y’all have to promise to behave while I’m gone — m’kay pumpkins??
I might even bring you some spotted dick if you’re really good! ūüėČ

Later, bitches!

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November 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm 1 comment

Spirit’s Smock Schock


Some not-yet-laid-off flight¬†attendants forgot that whole ‘thankful to have a job in this New Great Depression’ thing and got all Captain Pissy Pants over a new uniform design that *SHOCK* includes an apron showing logos for certain alcoholic beverages.

Deborah Crowley, the HBIC¬†of Spirit’s flight attendants union chapter, said¬†“turning flight attendants into walking billboards is unacceptable.”
::: Well yeah – sure, ‘cuz losing your job like those 7,000 United schmucks or those 1,700 USAir hacks or the ‘undiscosed’ number gettin’ the JetBlue boot of doom is, like,WAAAYYYY more acceptable — GOTCHA!! :::

Apparently mystified by that whole ‘revenue stream’ concept, the Association of Flight Attendants chapter at Spirit Airlines said:
1.) The uniforms send the wrong signal to passengers
::: Which would be what? “Thank you for flying Spirit! Why yes we DO have a beverage service!” OMG — WHAT AN OUTRAGE!!! :::

2.) Make it harder for flight attendants to enforce safety regulations.
::: because … like, what? The apron isn’t really an apron but rather an undercover agent of some super secret terrorist cell?!? OMG — WHAT AN OUTRAGE!!!¬†:::

My advice?

REPRIORITIZE, BITCH!

Strap on the apron, sling the sauce, collect your cash¬†and direct your¬†righteous indignation where it really belongs — at Spirit’s long history of stupid sexist fratboy advertising!

I mean, who can forget¬†last year’s ‘We’re having a threesome’ special – OR this year’s sequel to¬†the superclassy campaign from 2007:

::: … ok, actually I’m just pissed¬†no one asked me to be¬†the spokeswhore on that one … :::

January 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm 7 comments

Lookin’ for a personal payday


So this morning’s ‘BIG ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY NEWS’ is that another celebrity is being sued for millions over what appears to be a non-incident.

ZZzzzzzzzz

Yup –¬†some no-name, greedy bitch looking to cash in a slight brush with fame flight attendant is suing Jenny Who Now Owns The Block for a few million smackers over a dog-bite incident that happened … ya …
TWO YEARS AGO.
::: Pause while The Cookie rolls her eyes, raises a hand and brings the ‘bitch, please!’¬†:::

Oh, but¬†it’s no joke.
Lisa Wilson is suing Jennifer Lopez for a $5 million, claiming J-Ho’s guard dog Floyd (Floyd?!?!?) bit her on the leg (TWO YEARS AGO).
Wilson says the bite (TWO YEARS AGO) caused her to fall so badly that she needed back surgery, which is totally what is keeping her from working (TWO YEARS LATER).
::: Again – ‘bitch, please!’¬†:::

What? Did she fall OUT of the plane?!?

Lisa, honey? Listen to The Cookie:
Drag that limp-limb down to the nearest Workforce Alliance office and get yourself a J.O.B.

I feel for all souls who suffer at the hands, errr, teeth of another but darlin’ – you can’t bring the ‘OWW, my leg’ two years after the fact and still expect me (or anyone else) to give a flying fig about your dumbass, frivolous¬†claim.
‘Kay, pumpkin?

Having been there myself РI rightly call bullshit on your story.
Ayep …

  • 1987
  • Dog show
  • Columbus, Georgia
  • Akita
  • Hospital stay
  • Eighty-seven stitches
  • Lost half left tricep
  • Neck, ear, arm, hand, back scarring

And what was I doing two years after that?
FINISHING COLLEGE, beeyatch!

You wanna get paid, Lisa baby?

Get a job.

June 30, 2008 at 2:02 pm 5 comments



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