Posts tagged ‘actress’

POP goes the …


No – not breast implant!
Pop goes the floozy!

Pammy’s found yet another body part to whore out for cool cash monies — her pipes!

Every year around this time, Ol’ Crusty gets her funbags in the news for some fried mess.

Last year it was for skankin’ up Miami’s Art Basel (‘membah?) and this year it’s for giving Britney Spears a big ol’ bag of good reasons to stay sober.

According to York Post gossip column PageSix, raccooneyes and her close friend, designer Richie Rich are super busy and hard at work layin’ down tracks in the studio for their future flop pop single together.

WHEEEEEE!!!!!

The first track is called ‘High’ which is, of course, totally about her love of clothes.
::: so that’s what they’re calling it these days … :::

“We are recording a pop single together,” says Richie. “Pam says she wants to sing, but nothing too difficult, so she’s just going to sing the word ‘high’ over and over.”

Uh huh … well, unless she’s also planning on performing this highhighhighhighhighhighhigh blah blah while climbing the Empire State Building naked on a Saturday afternoon in her trademarked Lucite hooker heels while dropping million dollar bills, new jobs and sunshine along the way, I foresee marketing probs.

Just sayin’ … but hey, good luck … or whatever.

December 5, 2009 at 3:10 pm 2 comments

Which is worse?


Trying to pick up a chick at the funeral for your lover/son’s mother or finding out the chick you tried to pick up is your daughter?

Ayep. That’s the proverbial rock and hard place Ryan O’Neil found Osowronghimself between at Farrah Fawcett’s recent funeral.

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me,” O’hellnohedidn’t disclosed to Vanity Fair.

“I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’
She replied, ‘Daddy, it’s me – Tatum!’
::: so that’s how it is in their family … :::

“I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter.
It’s so sick.”

Well, RyRy … the first part is admitting you have a problem …

SOURCE

August 4, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Oh SNAP!


beyoncesux Well kids, the reviews for Beyoncé’s first real stab at opening a flick are in and let’s just say they were the teensiest smidge less than [Sasha] fierce.

And by ‘less than’ I mean the word on Obsessed is that it’s flat-fucking-out DREADFUL!
::: kind of like that ultra-hein paint job the Mighty B’s workin’ here —> :::

From the Daily News:
“Unfortunately, the whole movie seems constructed just to get the singer/actress into a knock-down catfight, shoehorning one of show business’s sexiest entertainers into a scorned-woman role.

And even then, the pay-off feels cheap.

The result is more like “Delayed Frustration” than “Fatal Attraction.” Knowles actually gets second billing after Idris Elba as Derek, a driven husband, father and VP of a Los Angeles financial firm.

Definitely worth skipping!”

OUCHIES!!

Good thing girlfriend can always fall back on her screaching singing career and churning out cheap looks for the House of Derriér

SOURCE

April 27, 2009 at 1:21 pm 3 comments

Britney looks diff-ernt, y’all!


After checking out the artwork for her new album, it’s clear that someone ‘s Photoshop THIIIIISSSSS MUCH!
::: it really IS better than Botox! ::: 

britney-spears-circus-2thumb
britney-spears-is-ugly

November 14, 2008 at 11:29 am 2 comments

CZJ enters the Bronze Age


What in the pimply fake bake hell is going on with Catherine Zeta-Jones’ face?!?
Bitch’s skin is all kinds of busted!

CZJ and Michael “The Crypt Keeper” Douglas were at the Global Leadership Awards Gala in New York City Wednesday night and, evidently, she thought it was a costume party … a Halloween costume party because she came made up as ‘Clown Catherine of the Land of Giant Pore’.

The only saving grace is that the shine coming off her skin is so intense it could actually temporarily blind innocent onlookers.
::: look away :::

Well, we hope it did.
::: look awaaayyyy!!!!! :::

October 2, 2008 at 8:51 pm 1 comment

Something’s wrong with Sammy Jo


Ava Locklear’s parents have probs.

Mere months after seeking help via rehab for anxiety and depression, Heather Locklear is back on the batty bus.
Someone who said they spotted her driving erratically called the popo who then pulled her over, arrested and booked her on suspicion of driving under the influence of prescription drugs.
::: drugs are bad, mmmkay? :::

I’m sure it’s all just a big misunderstanding. Sammy Jo would never do anything like that!

I bet Heather found a bee in her changepurse and it scared her and so she accidentally threw her car in gear while trying to shoo the bee out the window and when that failed she tried to flee the bee by any means necessareeeee.
::: wheeeee!!! :::

Yup, I bet that’s what it was. At least I hope that’s what it was – for the sake of the child and all.

How much more little Ava can take?

First, her dad (and Heather’s cheatin’ ex), Richie Sambora was arrested on a DUI charge back in March. Ever the family guy — Richie was ridin’ dirty with little Ava pullin’ shotgun.
::: quality family time – Hollywood style :::

Second, her mom checks in to some nuthut in an effort to get her mind right.
::: how’s that workin’ out? :::

Third, her mom decides to get her NASCAR on in a Santa Monica parking lot for all the paparazzi world to see.
::: oh, ok, not workin’ out so good then … :::

Oh well, on a positive note – word is no kids were harmed in the making of Heather’s recent legal run-in.
::: In Hollywood, that makes her mother of the year  :::

Oooo ooo -and also, I heard the downtown Baskin Robbins is giving away pints of Baseball Nut.
mmmmm – ice cream!

So … you know, I think someone who’s initials aren’t Heather Locklear or Richie Sambora should drive wee Ava right down to get some free chills because the kid’s gotta be pretty embarassed by her family today and – well, who isn’t?!? – but the point is you just can’t feel bad when you’re eating ice cream.

Yeeeaaaahhhh …

September 29, 2008 at 1:49 pm 1 comment

Mariah Carey is an optimist


No, scratch that …
Mariah Carey is the most optimistic of all optimists ever to optimize optimism in any form. Ever.

How else can you explain that – despite actual laws being passed banning the bitch from movie theaters worldwide (unless she was holding a ticket) following the epically disastrous 2001 debut of Glitterhere she is — putting the fatal final touches on a new  movie?!?
::: oh no!  :::

Oh yes!

Just in time for the holidays comes Tennessee — a road-trip drama in which Carey plays (what else?) an aspiring singer!!!
::: that’s right girl — dig deep, challenge yourself – GROW! :::

Carey plays ‘Krystal’, a dumb whore who has high hopes to make it BIG in music – but is afraid she may have to settle for diddly squat because she is a dumb whore trapped in (what else?) a bad marriage.

This one’s gonna work!

And why not — It’s just soooo completely and totally different from Glitter – where she played (what else?) an aspiring singer who’s bullshit dreams are in danger of going *poof* because of (what else?)  the evil and controlling ways of a man!

Yup, totally  different!

“Woe is me?” What the hell is that?
exactly …

September 19, 2008 at 8:16 pm 1 comment

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