Posts tagged ‘actor’

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze :(


Curse you Summer of Death!!!!!

patrick-swayze-dirty-dancingPatrick Swayze, who made me want to grab my grenade launcher and fuck shit up as Jed Eckert …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to grind it like I mean it as Johnny Castle …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to buy a bunch of clay and make shit as Sam Wheat …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to bust some HEADS as James Dalton …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to catch a major curl as Bohdi …

… has lost his battle against pancreatic cancer and died …

… at the justfuckingwaytoosoon age of 57.


September 15, 2009 at 10:35 am 3 comments

Which is worse?

Trying to pick up a chick at the funeral for your lover/son’s mother or finding out the chick¬†you tried to pick up is your daughter?

Ayep. That’s the proverbial rock and hard place Ryan O’Neil found Osowronghimself between at Farrah Fawcett’s recent funeral.

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me,” O’hellnohedidn’t disclosed to Vanity Fair.

“I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’
She replied, ‘Daddy, it’s me – Tatum!’
::: so that’s how it is in their family … :::

“I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter.
It’s so sick.”

Well, RyRy … the first part is admitting you have a problem …


August 4, 2009 at 4:01 pm

¬°Yo quiero R.I.P

Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, has gone to the great Chalupa in the sky.

“She made so many people happy,” her trainer said.

Gidget got God’s call after suffering a stroke today¬†at age 15 … which would have made her¬†about 73-ish ¬†in ‘people’ time, which makes her death, well, not exactly untimely buuuut — due to her ‘star’ status¬†does beg the natural question:
Is she part of the threes?

YOU know.
Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Walter Cronkite, Dom Delouise, Jack Kemp, John Updike, Karl Malden, Natasha Richardson, Ricardo Montalban, Ron Silver, Steve McNair …

Sooo, are we starting over?
Whaaaat? You were thinking it …

July 22, 2009 at 6:37 pm 2 comments

You see it


Don’t even front like you think Clown Car’s little snippety snip and plumpety plump made her look anything like my permanent girl crush.

Frealz — can’t her 15 be done, like, now?

February 25, 2009 at 1:29 pm 4 comments

House pet FAIL

What kind of dumbass keeps a primate as a house pet?

No no — serious question.
Because we’re not talking about some freaky Michael Jackson ‘mules you can put out to the back 40 and get your ‘isn’t he cuuuuuuute?’ on when you want to go all ‘exotic’.

We’re talking about our [wild] evolutionary brothers from a very¬†[wild] different mother who, as adults, have at least five times the strength of humans …¬†and who¬†even the first-rate researchifyers over at the Jane Goodall Institute agree¬†are meant to live in the wild, not in our homes.

And so again, I ask …¬†

What Kind of?
Keeps A Goddamned PRIMATE?

Some dumbass in Stamford, Connecticut – that’s who!
::: … although, technically, she doesn’t keep one anymore … :::

Meet Sandra Herold.
::: Hi Sandra! :::
Sandra is a 70-year-old woman who¬†owns¬†owned a 200-pound¬†‘celebrity pet’ chimpanzee¬†named Travis.
::: Hi Travis! :::

Trav – a¬†chimp who is said to have been toilet trained, could dress himself, ate at the table, could use a computer and reportedly starred in Old Navy and Coca-Cola commercials —¬†used a key to let himself out of Herold’s house last night.

He was out there, gettin’¬†all rampagey — attacking police cars, police men and Herold’s 50-something soon-to-be former friend — when the po po had to make ol’ Trav a permanent kind of dead.
::: Chimpi .. uhh no, that’s just sad … :::

According to reports, “Travis was being bad.”¬†He’d biggie-sized¬†an outburst but calmed down long enough for Herold to get him back in the house and give him a nice hot cuppa¬†Xanax-laced tea.
::: … mmm, yeah … but that one’s tricky ‘cuz ya hafta¬†get the pill-to-water ratio just righ … uhh,¬†well, umm … whaa … ACK – nothing! Nevermind!!¬†:::¬†

021609-chimp-fire-zoom1Bitch must’ve¬† messed up the mix because, moments later, just as Charla Nash was getting out of her car, Travis channeled his inner abuser and brought a beatdown so severe it put¬†her in the hospital with serious facial injuries after losing a ‘tremendous amount of blood.’
::: J. Fred Muggs would NOT approve!!! :::

Things got all stabby when Herold tried to pry her mate off Nash but, c’mon … how well do you think a Q-Tip’s gonna do against a marauding beast?
Ya — juuuust well enough to know when it’s time to haul ass back to the house and call for backup!

Police¬†arrived and Trav got to chargin’ … then¬†he smashed a car window and opened the door to a cruiser where an officer was hiding like a girl taking cover …
… and¬†that’s when things got all shooty.

Travis met the business end that officer’s gun several times before he ran¬†back to the house … and died.¬†

Oh the tragedy!
Oh the sadness!!

If only there’d been some WARNING that celebrichimp might go apeshit!!!

Wait. What’s that you say?
Oh, that’s riiiight!

Most folks remember dude’s rather public run-in with the law a couple of years ago when he escaped from an SUV and went running through the streets.
More than a dozen officers were dispatched that time.
::: I’m guessing there was a LOT more Xanax at at least two tranq guns¬†involved that time. Am I right? Am I right?? .:::

So what did we learn today, kiddies?

No¬†matter how many Old Navy spots he snags … no matter how much coin he banks your butt¬†— he’s¬†still a PRIMATE, complete with all those wildly unpredictable, might rip your nose off, deadly¬†PRIMATE tendencies.

Highly-trained, unique, special and just a few Darwin’s¬†shy of human¬†does not a safe house pet make.

… now if you’ll excuse me, my¬†Chilean Rose Tarantulas and Argentinian Puma need to be fed …¬†


February 17, 2009 at 4:56 pm 3 comments












¬†¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†2007 ………………………………………………………….. 2008

THIS hot hairy mess (and my boyfriend) are why 2009 is the year we should all be looking to get audaciously hopified … in triplicate!

The last year was hard, yo — and if you didn’t lose everything you own to a banking scandal or job loss or hush-hush trip to Vegas you can’t tell the missus about, then seeing the devastating toll the preceeding 12 months has taken on Joaquin Phoenix should nutshell it for you pretty concisely.

Dude is was a luscious piece and I am seriously prepared to cut a bitch for disagreeing … and so let’s offer up toasts, prayers, false idols and I’ll even throw in a really ugly ass regifted scarf my aunt thought would come in handy in FLORIDA¬†(dumb bitch) in the hope that hotstuff can find his way to the razor counter at CVS, clean his shit UP and¬†do better in 2009 …

… ’cause if he cain’t, ain’t no savin’ the rest of our sorry souls!

Godspeed Joaquin … godspeed!

January 1, 2009 at 6:56 pm 10 comments

You see it

Nicolas Cage and his son Weston Coppola Cage leaving Madeo restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend.
Weston’s Kayako Halloween costume is, err, dead on, no?
Wait. What? That’s not a costume?!?


October 27, 2008 at 11:46 am

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