Posts filed under ‘supermodel’

Fashion faux pas

Take heart hobos – help is on the way!
And you’ll never guess where from!!

Government job offer? Nope – try again.
Secured bank loan? Negatory! Try again!
Credit card debt forgivess?
::: that would be a HELL no :::

No no no you sillies!

Your new friend in the face of this financial crisis isn’t the feds or any of the [many] houses of finance YOU bailed out with all that delicious TARPerificality.

No sir!
It’s Fashion!!
VOGUE fashion to be precise.

See, the magazine’s international pubs are suddenly all ‘poor is the new black’ so they’re planning to plan a simultaneously planned fashion extravagaaaanzaaaaa in 13 cities this September because they believe that watching sluts strut around in clothes you could never afford really is the best way to fight off the gloomies you’re feeling over all the pesky global economic probs.

“It seems important to mobilise to celebrate fashion, and show that despite the difficult times we more than ever need the enchantment and pleasure fashion brings,” explained Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld.

vogueforpoorsBecause … OF COURSE … why would anyone hold out for some boring old economic uptick or a sea change of governmental, corporate and personal fiscal responsibility to stop the worried, sleepless nights when they could just watch a fashion show?!?

“From London to New York to Milan and Mumbai, the magazine will invite its readers from different countries as well as others in the Conde Nast group — GQ, Vogue Hommes, Glamour, AD — to join the September 10 event ‘to celebrate the fashion industry.’ ”

The fashion industry?
Wait … they meant ‘to celebrate the spirit of the working person in the face of hardship and sacrifice’ right? Right?
I mean, I don’t know many vagabonds who read Vogue so that has to be a typo.

“In cities involved in the event, luxury stores will remain open to shoppers till late with Vogue writers, models and designers offering lessons in style.”

Umm, luxury stores? Shopping?
How does that speak to the strapped?
Where is the benefit for the beggar?

According to Xavier Romatet, who heads Publications Conde Nast, the idea is “to revive consumers’ taste for fashion and shopping.”

Ohhhh … ok … sooo Vogue is the beggar then …
::: *sigh :::

Back to the breadline, bitches!!


June 9, 2009 at 3:26 pm 2 comments

Does this reader poll make me look gay?

America’s new president?
That’s SOOO yesterday!

Collapsing world markets?
Isn’t that something  for other people to worry about?!?

Iran supplying weapons to Hamas?
Pffshh – Whaaatevuh!

Glamour magazine can’t be wasting time worrying over your ‘current events’ and crap — not when there are majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenarios yet to be fully exploited explored!!!

They assembled their collective braincell to tackle one such majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenario in their upcoming issue with … A READER POLL!!!
::: Yippeee — SCIENTIFICAL ‘data’ and shit!!! :::

Glamour magazine asked the 5 dudes who read Glamour magazine if they’d be willing to bump fuglies with Brad Pitt if it meant a sexy times green light with Angelina Jolie.
::: OMG! OMG! –  did they say they’re on board?? Is this a real possibility??? I AM TOTALLY ‘DOWN’ WITH THIS IDEA!!!!! …

81 percent of the liars readers who took part in the survey were all ‘I go Larry Craig for NO man!’ while the remaining 19 percent were all ‘Hell to the YEAH — just let me get the AstroGlide!’

So, basically, 1 out of every 5 penises polled would give Pitt a poke if it lead to some holey Jolie moments.
1 in 5 …

The other four of you are a bunch of  delusional lying liars telling untruths!
Seriously — WHO – besides yourselves – are you trying to fool here?

Anyone who denies they’d do anything less than sell their own children into Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop slavery to bed that bitch is flat out a lying sack of useless desexed empty genetalia and I am calling you OUT!

This is Angelina Jolie we’re talking about, people!

She of the Magic Womb!
Mrs. Perfect Portions!!
The UN Ambassador of H-O-T!!!

Get REAL!!!
You have no choice but to surrender to her preeminently superlative sexual powers!

I mean, even that hot piece of manmeat I call Mr. Cookie knows he’d be 20 kinds of back on the market  if I even thought for the most micro of nanoseconds that there was a butterfly’s chance of making it through a high speed boxfan that Miss Purty Pout would give me the 1-2-3!

I know being down with some peen-on-peen isn’t everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s cool and all … but – in this case – I think we all need to step it back, chill it out, take some cleansing breaths and remember that God doesn’t like liars!
And you don’t want to piss off God, do you?!?!?

Noooo – of course you don’t.
So just admit you’d go gay to get some St. Ange strange.

It’s what God would want.


January 21, 2009 at 4:46 pm 13 comments

A Lite Reid

0The delicious nugget of sophisticated elegance that is human mattress Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center for a little Rehab 101.
::: probably more like a 500-level class in this case … ::: 

I’m shocked really.
No way I saw THAT one coming a mile away wearing fuck-me pumps and screaming ‘Ahh wohnna nuthur shohttt!!’ through a megaphone on Sunday morning.
Total surprise.

Godspeed, delicate flower.

December 13, 2008 at 1:21 am 8 comments

MOTY Nominee

Pam Anderson brings the trash to art showBehold the exquisiteness, the radiance, the utter refinement and total class that is modern day Venus, Pamela Anderson.

I seriously think I may need a Tetanus shot after being in the same general geographic region as the human stain, who inexplicably lost her pants on the way to Art Basel Miami Beach this weekend.
::: wetnap anyone? :::

Now, Art Basel Miami Beach is widely regarded as the most important art show  in the United States, which means it is, quite simply, the goddamned cultural and social highlight for the Americas … so you know crusty, dried up, D-Listers aren’t high on the list of invitees.

Nah, Miami's erotic art museumI bet that bitch spent the afternoon throwing hepatitis caution to the wind and getting drunk at the only museum in town that would allow her skank ass in —————->
and was all ‘Arrt iz k’hewl! Whutthhufuchkkk! Lezzz g’ho-en krasshhh urt baz’l!”

Her kids must be so proud.

December 8, 2008 at 3:36 pm 17 comments

Hope she’s calling her lawyer

Naomi Campbell should go to jailBitch is so going to jail.

It would be the best thing for her. Seriously. Lock her up!

Press reports said the asshole bitch supermodel was arrested after assaulting a police officer at Heathrow Airport.

As the Times Online story goes, “she was hauled away from First Class Lounge of Terminal 5 “ranting and screaming” over a lost bag.  … Police were called to deal with the incident and reports say she was heard screaming “get off me, leave me alone” before she allegedly assaulted one officer and was taken away to Heathrow police station.”

And by ‘assulted’ we mean ‘spit on’. Naomi keeps it classy like that.

I wonder what goes through the judge’s mind who gave her bitchassness (sorry Diddy, this one fits) that measly five days with anger management classes as punishment for giving her assistant an At&T beatdown last year …

Naomi once blamed her bitchiosity on lingering resentment toward her father for abandoning her as a child.

Yeah, I’ll bet her Burberrys and Hermés’ are drenched from all the tears she cries for herself.

Me? Not so much. 

Tyra would never approve of this behavior!!

April 3, 2008 at 8:29 pm

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