Posts filed under ‘science’

An Open Letter to Ann Romney


Stop it.
Stop it right now.

Stop using your illnesses as a campaign issue if you’re never once going to talk about the need to further awareness or the need to raise money for research or for anything other than furthering your own selfish agenda — all the while denying you are doing anything of the sort.

It’s disgusting.
So, stop it.

Because what you’re using it to snag is the White House. And the White House is the residence of the most prominent public servant in the United States. But public service is most assuredly not what you are advocating with the Ann Romney Pity Party Road Show.

The ME ME ME interview-train you are steering into seemingly any and every station with a broadcast signal or rag with publication privileges has steered very clear of any meaningful discussion of what real illness really does to real people.

But then it kind of has to, doesn’t it, Ann.

Because you wouldn’t know about any of that.

Because your situation is not representative of what real illness really does to real people.

Trust me, I know.
Because I am a real person really affected by real illness and I’m tired of your act.

I am Multiple Sclerosis – each and every day since my diagnosis on May 15, 2009.

I am also married with a mortgage, a full-time (and then some) corporate manager, and I am in the game.
And I — like the mostly 400,000 other Americans living, dealing and coping with the real realities of Multiple Sclerosis — do it all every day without spinning my sad tale of woe to manipulate situations for my own personal gains.

Because that’s disgusting.
So, stop it.

“I want people to believe in their hearts that we know what it is like to struggle,” you said this past Sunday on NBC’s ‘Meet The Press’. ” … our struggles have not been financial, but they’ve been with health and with difficulties in different things in life.”

Ann?
If you can lament MS as your ‘cruel teacher’ yet have absolutely no comprehension of financial hardship that often goes hand-in-hand with long-term and/or incurable illness, then I once more must advise you to stop it. Stop it right now.

No one begrudges you — or your husband — your success.
That is not what this is about.

The dream, the promise and the hopeful realization of financial success is part of the very foundation of our country.
Congrats on making it.

What this is about is that you put yourself front-and-center and go on and on (and on and on) about your struggles with MS and how you “don’t know how much is it going to chew me up and spit me out?” … and you, like the rest of us wonder “How sick am I going to get? … Am I going to be in a wheelchair?” … and you, like the rest of us, know “It’s a very, very frightening place to be.” … yet you never once ever (ever!) talk about why all of that is why we need to bring the issue to the forefront, to make health care a true and meaningful part of a national discussion, to raise awareness, to raise money for research, to find a cure (because we could) — for it and all of the many other diseases out there for which there is no cure, little money, even less discussion and scant hope … and so on and so forth.

What this is about is that you, Ann, are in the perfect position to do just that.
But you never talk about the bigger picture.
You never speak of or to the greater good.
Ever.

Shame on you!


It’s just the never ending Ann Romney Pity Party Road Show.
A true story about Ann Romney.
Starring Ann Romney.
Talking only about Ann Romney.

So, do not attempt to class yourself with me or other folks like me when it comes to Multiple Sclerosis.
Ever.

Because ‘The Hug’, the skin flips, eye jumbles, pulls, seizures, spasticity, word fishing, fog, falling, paralyzing fatigue, constant pain, more than occasional Krueger Claw and all of the other ruthless physical and emotional realities of daily life with MS are but a part of the conversation that speaks to that bigger picture you don’t talk about.

That bigger picture that, for the rest of us includes things like:
The worry over what to do about work when you can’t walk or think.
::: You don’t work, so this is not something that weighs heavily on your mind. Why talk about it, right? That’s not your MS. :::

The fear your colleagues will find out and feel you’re suddenly ‘less than’ capable.
::: Your colleagues on the campaign eagerly have you play the victim card, so this is not fundamentally significant to you. Why talk about it, right? That’s not your MS. :::

The financial stranglehold imposed by uncovered insurance costs.
::: We all know that ‘financial struggles’ are not intrinsic to your way of life. Why talk about it, right? That’s not your MS. :::

And so much more I don’t need to get into here because why talk about it, right, Ann? That’s not your MS.

But it is mine.

My MS means nearly $4,000 every month for just 4 Avonex injections (that’s just a one-month supply, Ann).

My MS means as much as $5,000 twice a year for brain or cervical spine MRIs to monitor my progression.

My MS means feeling helpless and very, very (very) scared when people I know and care about die from MS.

People like Dan Aronie …

People like my high school classmate Clay …

Oh but that’s just my MS, Ann.

Not yours.

And I know you don’t concern yourself with those things not Ann Romney.
::: Choo Choo!! And the Ann Romney Pity Party Road Show MUST go on! :::

Ann, I don’t doubt that you do you understand a small smidge of the physical plight the rest of us MS patients endure, but you cannot even begin to understand what it is like to live with (and in spite of) the rest.

So do not try to ‘relate’ to me, girlfriend. ‘kay?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a working professional living with (and paying for) MS … and I approved this message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::: and I don’t really care what you think about it, Ann :::

September 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm 8 comments

That crack is WAK, yo!


Because I just don’t see it.

I don’t!

I mean – I can FEEL that shit, but I don’t SEE that shit.

See, that’s my knee down there (HI KNEE!) and, according to the HBIC at the walk-in I limped-in yesterday it’s cracked … maybe … possibly … so go see an orthopedic surgeon to find out for sure if that bitch is truly busticated.

So I did.
‘Cept he wasn’t sure either.

So now The Cookie’s gonna get her MRI on (NO SNEEZING, LIE STILL) tomorrow and maybe, possibly find the fuck out for good!.

Which makes me all ‘Really?!? Didn’t you guys learn how to read an X-Ray on, like, day 1 of doctor school or something?’

Because I sure can’t. But I don’t have to.
Because it’s a pretty well-established indisputable 100 kinds of true FACT that I am not a doctor or a nurse or a nurse practitioner or a medical assistant or the front-desk lady who gives out lollies.

But they are, which is why this ho hooks up with healing-types when her shit brings the hurt.

I go see people who are supposed to know shit so they can look at my shit and tell me how to fix that shit!

‘Cept modern medicine’s not as hot shit as all that.

Because it requires multiple examinations by multiple people over the course of multiple days to maybe, possibly find out why pain is radiating down my leg from the outside of my right knee and maybe, possibly fix that fuckery so I can get back to bidness!!

Sheeeeeyut!

September 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm 1 comment

Nature’s a muthah


Not that you didn’t know that obvious obviousity alfuckingready, but apparently some folks didn’t … and had to get their study on to get a gat damn clue.

So here’s the nugget:
If you start bringin’ the crazy all of a sudden – don’t panic.
It’s ok.

Because it’s, like, 100% Mother Nature’s fault.
::: subsitute teachers, guidance counselors, babysitters and parents everywhere breathe a sigh of relief :::

A report being released today titled ‘A Climate of Suffering: The Real Cost of Living with Inaction on Climate Change’ says the past 15 years of planet cracking has been a ”preview of life under unrestrained global warming”.

A PREVIEW?!?
FUUUUUCK – this shit’s gonna get worse?
::: rhetorical question, of course it is – you thought 2010 was an anomaly?! :::

The report is the culmination of someone’s idea of serious researchological determinerifficality, prepared real special-like for the Climate Institute, and it puts the loss of social cohesion in the wake of severe weather events related to climate change squarely in the center of the blame circle of things that could possibly, likely be linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse.

”What we have seriously underestimated is the effects on social cohesion,” said Professor Ian Hickie, the executive director of the Brain and Mind Research Institute. “That is very hard to rebuild and they are critical to the mental health of an individual.”

YA THINK?!

Dude, being stranded in your own flooded house with no running water (YUCK!) during a three-day power outage (BLECH!) with only a few gallons of wine to drink (PTOO .. oh wait, that was just good planning) wondering how the hell you’re even going to get out of your own neighborhood (SCARY!) if you run out (SCARIER!!!) clued The Cookie in to that whole anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse ACK!!! after Hurricane Jeanne upended my shit in 2004!

Save yourself the next few thousand and spend some time in SoFla during a truly heinous hurricane and you can studerifically conclusionize for FREE all day long!

SOURCE

August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Would I lie to you?


OF COURSE!

Wait.
Uhh … what I meant to say was ‘of course – not!

Yup.
That’s it.

But I could put on my Fibber McGee pants and walk you through a veritable WORLD of whoppers!
And it’d be ok.

Because lying is like, a thousand kinds of good!

Is so!

Because there was studification of that shit at an actual institute-type place in Canadia that, like, PROVES it ‘n stuff!

The Institute of Child Study at Toronto University surveyed 1,200 little labbers aged two to 17.
And you know what they found?
::: yeah, I know I jumped that shark already, just go with me here :::

1. Tellin’ tales is a developmental benchmark kind of dealio denoting intellectual development.
2. We get better at bringin’ the bullshit as we get older.

You pickin’ up what they’re puttin’ down out there?!?
Lying is, like, a sign of SMARTNESS!!

YAY!

But you gotta ease gently into the pool of prevarication, apparently.

Only a fifth of 2-year-olds were able to lie, but by age 4, 90% of the preshuss snowflakes were capable of pullin’ the wool.

And the ability to fudge the facts purportedly peaks at age 12, which means the minors in your midst are flat-out mastering that mess as they mature.

— CUE MRS. DONOVAN’S FREAKOUT IN 3 … 2 … —
Britney isn’t going to any after-school study group, is she?

SOURCE

August 9, 2011 at 2:08 pm 3 comments

The science is IN!


And if it’s true — I’m gonna live to be a BILLION – YAY!!!

According to research that was published just this very week in the hottest of hot reads — the Journal of the American Geriatric Society — haulin’ your hot cross buns into super-duper old age is determined by your genes, not your lifestyle.

::: DNA: 1 / Tofu: 0 :::

Professor Nir Barzilai is director of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine’s Institute of Ageing Research, which is a really long title comprised of a bunch of letters that — when put together in an orderly fashion — sound out to a bunch of words that mean he’s smarter than you so shut your hole and listen up!

“In previous studies of our centenarians, we’ve identified gene variants that exert particular physiology effects, such as causing significantly elevated levels of HDL or ‘good’ cholesterol,” he said.

He explained that new research provides evidence that these and other “longevity genes” provide a buffer to the people who have them against the harmful effects of an unhealthy lifestyle.

Almost 500 people between 95 and 109 were studied and compared to more than 3,000 others born during the same period. The studiers found that the study-ees who were, like, hella old ‘n stuff ate just as shitty, drank (wheeeeeePINOT!) and smoked just as much, exercised just as little and were just as likely to be overweight as their long-gone friends.

SUCKIT HEALTH FREAKS!!!

The first woman Barzilai researchified was some 109-year-old trick who told him she had smoked 40 cigarettes a day for 90 years.
::: DAYUM!!! :::

While most people would have died of lung cancer or heart disease, he said, she wheezed sputtered coughed soldiered on.

So the puffy stuff is clear, fine. Whatever.

It’s the hooch I need hard data on.

And so, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be heading out now to continue investigative tactics of an exploratory nature to validate the long-term health benefits of alcohol consumption.

And I’m prepared to commit to my research full-time, if need be.

SOURCE

August 5, 2011 at 5:47 pm 1 comment

Spielberg is pissed, yo!


Some über-eggheads out there have gotten together, swapped brain waves or charted some graphs or used an abacus or some shit to decisionize a radical new theory that basically lays down the scientifical HELL NAW on that little old lifelong assumption that we human types aren’t the only intelligent life in the uni, after all.

Watch out Santa — they’re coming after your fat ass next!

But frealz … there’s apparently this thing out
there you’ve I’ve never heard of called the Drake Equation that’s been used since the earth’s crust cooled 60’s as the basis of all acceptance on behalf of everyone EVERYWHERE that — Yes Virginia — there really are ET-type deals and suchlike kickin’ it all over the cosmos.

‘Cept for maybe not ‘n stuff.

Because there’s this report on arXiv.org that slaps a bullshit sticker on that mess, effectively putting the DE on the galactic DL.

And don’t you just KNOW the folks out there searching for extraterrestrial intelligence at places like the SETI Institute in California feel like a big ol’ bunch of doofi right now!
::: Oh just stop trying to sound it out and get your smart on … it’s pronounced archive dot org :::

The thinking is was that you could use the Drake Equation to calculate the likelihood of making radio contact zzzzz with extraterrestrials by approximating the number of zzzzzzz radio-transmitting civilizations in our galaxy at any one time by multiplying a zzzzzzz string of factors such as:
1. The number of stars
::: but doesn’t that change? :::
2. The fraction of stars that have planets
::: Wait. Stars are buying whole planets now?!? I thought they just owned their own islands. :::
3. The fraction of those planets that are habitable
::: can’t be long after we get hold of ’em :::
4. The probability of life arising on such planets
::: can’t be much after we get hold of ’em :::
5. The likelihood of that life becoming intelligent
::: can’t be much afte … ugh, you know the drill :::

And over the years, researchifiers have used this ‘logic’ to make some ‘educated’ guesses and come to the collective conclusion that there are about 10,000 tech-savvy civilizations in the galaxy currently sending signals our way — a number that has led other science-types to predict that we’ll detect alien signals within two decades or before the next Beiber, whichever comes first.

An assertion which astrophysicist David Spiegel at Princeton University and physicist Edwin Turner at the University of Tokyo giggle over and go ‘ehh, NOTSOMUCH FOOLZ!’

Using a statistical method called Bayesian reasoning, Dave and Ed argue that life here on Earth could be common or could be extremely rare, man. Because, like, we just don’t fucking know, ya know?
And since we just don’t fucking know, there’s no fucking reason to prefer one conclusion over the other.

And there you have it.

The rub.
The fly in the ointment.
The straw that broke the camel’s back.

The sofuckingobviousIcan’tbelieve noonthoughtofthisbefore immutable point about trying to act like you definitively know what you, like, definitively do not know.
Don’t.

“Although life began on this planet fairly soon after the Earth became habitable, this fact is consistent with … life being arbitrarily rare in the Universe,” the authors write,
going on to, like, PROVE their theory using math and other highly-technical and complex PROVIFIERS that involve multi-syllabic words and ASCII-looking scribbles and suchlike that I won’t get into here because, well, there’s math and other highly-technical and complex PROVIFIERS that involve multi-syllabic words and ASCII-looking scribbles and suchlike involved.
HELLOOOO?!?

Suffice it to say that with one carefully crafted conception, two geeks have singlehandedly erased the one warm and fuzzy scientists have used as their ‘go to’ argument for decades and slapped a big fat question mark on that bitch instead.

OOOOO, BUUUUURN!!

SOURCE

July 26, 2011 at 10:56 pm

P.T.I…again …


So a little bit of this happened …

… that resulted in a little bit of this …

… but everyone’s all …

… so I’m all …

🙂

May 8, 2011 at 10:41 pm 6 comments

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