Posts filed under ‘restaurants’

London Calling


It is ON!
I am DOIN’ it!!
You better be ready, Great Britain!!!

Lock up the London Cookiebooze and tie up the hounds, ’cause this little trick is LONDON-bound!!

Gonna take in the Thames, check out Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, make my way through the Tate Modern, eat a bite at the crypt cafe in the Church of St. Martin In The Fields, see St. James Park, the Blue Bridge, the Churchill War Rooms, the Wallace Collection, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Fleet Street, Dickens House, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Foyles, London Bank, Green Friday Market … man, I am gonna do it ALL!

Now, y’all have to promise to behave while I’m gone — m’kay pumpkins??
I might even bring you some spotted dick if you’re really good! 😉

Later, bitches!

November 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm 1 comment

THIS INJUSTICE SHALL NOT STAND!!!


No no – not that skankbag Casey Anthony. I’m 20 kinds of done with that trick.

I’m talking about a REAL injustice that affects us all some of us a few of us me!

A New York pet store is gettin’ all ‘not up in here!’ on hooch hounds who want to handle or purchase a pup.

THE NERVE!

“I feel like they always come in drunk,” said Fernanda Moritz, the manager of Le Petit Puppy at 18 Christopher St., which is located near several bars.

Moritz said many of her would-be customers stop in after Happy Hour around 6 p.m. so she’s countering that action with what I like to call Dour Hour where a bitch can’t buy or even HOLD a bitch if she’s had even a bit of boozy goodness.

OUTRAGE!!!

“They come from there and say ‘let’s stop by to see the puppies,'” said Moritz. 

PUPPEEEEZ!!!!!

No, but it’s serious.
So super-serious a situation it is that even Christopher Street’s Citipups forbids saucified shoppers from purchasing puppies.

EPIDEMIC!!!

LPP’s proprietor said she sold a Chihuahua some years ago to a woman she thought might have been drunk, only to have the dog returned the next day — in a near-dead state. “We took it to the vet and he found five pills in the dog’s stomach,” she said. “It almost overdosed.”

Amy Winehouse bought a dog?!

Note to PETA: The Chihuahua’s stomach was pumped, and it survived.

And this is where I would normally signal the winos of the world to UNITE and fight this horrible injustice because it’s a potentially very slippery slope — a possible lightning-speed downhill freefall from puppies to pants to pumps to pretty sparkly shininess or any of the many wondrous things I’ve been known to purchase when plastered.

And this is where I’d typically cue a fantastic freakout after the repulsive reality of having to be respectable in public (blech!), heel-toe stride capable (ptooey!!) and generally just run my shit a whole new way slapped me in the face like the cold, cold water Mr. Cookie has to sometimes employ to rouse this ho after an evening of firewater-fueled fun.

But I can’t.
Because this is bigger than me.
I realize that now.

So, yeah, ok.
Thinking it through … you know, maybe, perhaps, just possibly I could be persuaded to put down the Pinot …
… you know, for the puppies ‘n all …

‘Cuz I’m a hero like that.

July 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm 5 comments

WWBQQD?


::: Sorry greeneyedgirl – it had to be done! :::

Next month, Burger King is opening a new Whopper Bar in South Beach that will sell beer and burgers.

Complicated Order!
SA-CURRITY!!!

Just kidding — that bitch would be in heaven!!

* Beatbox *
It’s the sickest kind of day, you gonna git it all your way
A Double Whopper and some fries, with a cold one on the side …
* Beatbox *

Burger Kings in Germany and Whopper Bars in Singapore and Venezuela already sell suds, but this will be the first BK B&B in the US to get they drank on.

* Beatbox *
I’ll give it to you in a cup, and I’ll fill that muthah up
But forget about dessert, unless you lookin’ to get hurt …
*
Beatbox *

More Whopper Bars could be coming to New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, says Chuck Fallon, president of Miami-based Burger King North America.

HEEYYYY!!

SOURCE

January 25, 2010 at 11:51 am 6 comments

Heisman Schmeisman


Accolades and honors aren’t just about athletic achievment, people!

A major award is being handed down and if there’s any merit to logic at all – YOU, my friends, are totally missing it.

Ten dedicated SOBs (Servers of Burgers) are making hamburger history as the Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame Class of 2009.

Yes, you read that correctly.
There is a Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame.
And this special group of fast food faithfuls will now forever be a part of it.

INFAMY!!!

Accoutrements of the award include each Hall of Famer being featured on his or her very own super spectacular Krystal Hamburger or Cheese Krystal box, which will be first unveiled at each guests’ exclusive ceremony before being used in the 385 Krystal restaurants across the South beginning early next year.

Yes, you read that correctly.
They each get their own ceremony!
::: Kinda takes the special right out of the supermarket sheet cake your cubiclemates gave you at your last party, huh … :::

Each burger box will include an illustration of the Hall of Famer PLUS a quote that describes his or her passion for Krystal AND personal facts such as the inductee’s hometown and favorite Krystal meal.
::: Banana Freeze, Fries and Chili Cheese Pups at 2 in the morning after a night of binge drinking and bad decisions — YEAH!!!! :::

The first inductee of the 2009 class — and 76th of all time — was Phenix City, Alabama’s own Charlie Capps — who capped off his burger slingin’ career with the HOF nod of infamy.

“After 48 years, I hung up my spatula,” he said.

INSPIRATIONAL!!!

Except all I’m inspired to be right now is fucking jealous as all getout!
I mean, ok sure — I don’t work at Krystal or anything but I have done my fair share over the years for the franchise (mostly when I was single and in my early 20s and running the streets all hours of the day and night and generally thinking I was badass and engaging in assorted variations or super ridiculousness but WHATEVER – I got my Krystal on!) … yet I’ve not been honored with so much as a half-price coupon!

Where’s the love, fuckers?!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Recognition rejection!!

Don’t make me bring my buns over to Burger King!

SOURCE

December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am

Nekkid nymph a no-no


If ever there was a time for the “less government” argument …

The Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board brought a big ol’ deep-fried Southern Hayull tew thuh Naw! to a wine label featuring *HORROR* a  nude nymph.
::: Not so fast you wine-swilling sinners! :::

winelabeluproarThe label on Cycles Gladiator wine, —–>
produced by Hahn Family Wines in Soledad, Calif., shows a vintage 1895 bicycle advertising poster with a nude nymph flying beside a winged bicycle.

Alabama liquor regulations prohibit labels that are ‘offensive’ or ‘immodest’ and so the booze board has instructed restaurants and stores not to sell this evil-whore devil’s brew.

Hahn Family Wines president Bill Leigon says the wine has been sold nationwide without any complaints … until now Alabama.

How fitting …

Alabama: Because being backward is WORK, y’all!

55476_f12055471_f120
P.S. — Just a wild guess, but I take it I won’t be buying these the next time I visit the fam either, eh? Poopy …

July 28, 2009 at 12:50 am 4 comments

Quick Question


Just who is in charge of Burger King’s advertising department?
Ron Jeremy?!?

bkad

She looks scared.
Personally, I don’t think she can handle it but I’m pretty sure she swallows.

June 24, 2009 at 7:58 pm 2 comments

Obvious Obviosity 101


We are a big ol’ bunch of lying fatties, America!

We say we want fast-food joints and sit-down restaurants to offer healthier choices but when it comes time to actually put our money where our giant pie holes are, we ditch all that ‘diet talk’ and go for the gut busters.

At least, according to a company which tracks restaurant menus to identify flavor, preparation, food and pricing trends and, apparently, does the occasional survey of the painfully fucking obvious.

Roughly of chowhounds quizzed by Mintel Menu Insights said they would like to see more healthy options, but only 51% order from those selections.
::: Frealz — someone needed a survey to uncover this bombshell evidence? :::

“There’s definitely a dichotomy between what people say they want and what they actually do when it comes to healthy restaurant eating,” a Mintel flak blah blah’d as some sort of a dismissive justification for our jowlitudinousness.

I’m shocked!

“Over eight in 10 adults told us it’s very or somewhat important to them to eat healthy, but when it comes to dining out, most people are really looking for taste, texture and experience.”

SHOCKED!

According to the company, the ready availability of better quality, more nutritious food wasn’t the only thing stopping us from eating better.
Oh no!
Price was also an obstruction to eating well!

Get. OUT!

Fifty-four percent of those surveyed admitted they believe it costs more to eat better.

“As cash-strapped consumers tighten their belts, they’re choosing cheap and tasty comfort food,” the survey concluded — which sounds plausible and all until you boil it down to the bottom like and reckonize that a bitch’ll befriend a biggie burger n’ fry combo over some lo-cal caca any day — New Great Depression or not!

Which make me wonder what great new revelation Mintel Menu Insights will bring us next?
That the colors used in a restaurant help determine if we’ll stay and how much we’ll spend?

Ooooooooo

SOURCE

June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

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