We interrupt this blog …

Remember when John McCain temporarily suspended his presidential campaign to ‘fix the economy’ and then temporarily suspended caring about the economy to participate in a debate with my boyfriend?

Well, this is sort of like that … if you take out all the parts that aren’t, that is.

Yours truly has to temporarily suspend annoying the Sahars and Sahar-supporters of the world, mocking the masses, decrying this New Great Depression (and its casualties), poking fun at political puerility and delivering dumb bitch of the day deliciousness so that I can temporarily annoy a bunch of other people who, like, pay me cash monies for shit and suchlike.

Don’t hate!
MONEY TALKS BITCHES!
But only for a little while 😉

What does this all mean?

It means Ann Coulter can relax.
(by snacking on small children)

It means Sarah Palin can continue the Imawhackjob World Tour-a-palooza.
(TEEBEGGURZZ UNITE!)

It means Jesus freaks everywhere can continue to see the holiest of holies in the unlikeliest of places (and do other nasties in His name).
(Geezus!)

It means Whitney Harding can continue bringing the hotness to make up for the extreme sizzle-deficit caused by … well … you remember.
(Oh delicate flower of supreme womanly elegance – how we do remember you …)

It means this guy can continue his one-man firestorm of fucktardery on ‘da laydeez’.
(barf)

It means Meg Ryan can continue to just absolutely 100% fuck herself UP nine ways to Sunday!
(and that’s no joke!)

It means COLLEGE FOOTBALL RULES!!!! (especially Auburn Football!!!)
(Auburn is the way and the light. Bow to the power!!!)

It means International Whore Day can MUST continue with gusto!
GO WHORES!!!

It means Tara Reid can continue … oh who are we kidding – BOTTOM’S UP BITCH!
(burp)

It means The Cookie’s game plan for the next everhowfuckinglong means going global to help manage the metamorphosis that has — albeit temporarily — appropriated her existence.

This is real

Here is a short list of organizations ready to receive any help anyone would like to give:

• The Red Cross: You can give $10 to the Red Cross’s International Response Fund by texting HAITI to 90999. 100 percent of your donation benefits the Red Cross, and you can print a receipt through mGive, a foundation that helps non-profits take advantage of mobile technology.

• UNICEF, the United Nations Fund focusing on children, has worked on the ground in Haiti since 1949, so has the expertise to make a difference. You can donate here.

• Doctors Without Borders is also present in-country. One senior staff member reports, “The situation is chaotic. I visited five medical centers, including a major hospital, and most of them were not functioning.” Donate to support public health efforts here.

• MADRE, the international women’s rights NGO, partners with the Zanmi Lasante Clinic on the ground in Haiti. “The most urgent needs right now are bandages, broad-spectrum antibiotics and other medical supplies, as well as water tablets to prevent cholera outbreaks,” MADRE reports. Donate here.

• Action Against Hunger has had a team in Haiti since 1985, and is ready to fly planeloads of emergency supplies from Paris to Port-au-Prince. Food is one necessity, but so is sanitation; in some Haitian towns, 70 percent of homes do not have plumbing. Donate here.

• Mercy Corps has a history of deploying aid to regions affected by catastrophic earthquakes, such as Peru in 2007, China and Pakistan in 2008, and Indonesia last year. They are deploying a team to Haiti, and you can support their efforts here.

• Partners in Health is the NGO founded in Haiti in 1987 by Dr. Paul Farmer, the celebrated physician and anthropologist who focuses on international social justice. The group’s emergency response focuses on delivering medical supplies and staff. Louise Ivers, PIH’s clinical director in the country, sent the message, “Port-au-Prince is devastated, lot of deaths. SOS. SOS.” Donate here.

• Missionary Flights International makes regular flights to
Haiti, including one Wednesday. Donate at www.missionaryflights.org

• Food for the Poor is accepting its donations at http://www.foodforthepoor.org/haitiquake
. The Coconut-Creek based organization, which has an office and warehouse in Haiti that was damaged, is seeking donations to buy emergency supplies and lumber to rebuild homes.

• Operation Helping Hands, a joint community project of The
Miami Herald and United Way-Miami, will be collecting donations to
support the relief effort in Haiti. To make a contribution, go to www.iwant2help.org

• Artist Wyclef Jean: Donate to Haiti via Wyclef Jean’s
charity. Text “yele” to 501501 to donate $5 to the fund. Or visit www.yele.org

• World Vision has 370 staff in Haiti and is accepting donations
at WorldVision.com or call 1-800-363-5021.

• The Pan American Development Foundation (PADF) — the natural
disaster relief arm of the OAS — asks people to visit its special relief
website, www.PanAmericanRelief.org.

Photos: AP, Getty Images

United States of IOU?

California better reckonize!

That bitch has been out there behaving like a first-rate famewhore on the red carpet – totally hogging the ‘We Suck at Solvency’ spotlight! But she better step to the side because hers isn’t the only game in town anymore!

Oh ho no!

A new study by the Pew Center found that double-digit budget gaps, rising unemployment, high foreclosure rates and built-in budget constraints have brought Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Rhode Island and Wisconsin to the precipice of joining Cali in the pageant of impovrished places pockmarking the American landscape.
::: Ten’s a crowd! :::

These states are fucked financially for basically one of three reasons:
1. They rely too heavily on one type of industry
::: diversity of DIE :::

2. They have a history of persistent budget shortfalls
::: finance FAIL :::

3. They face legal constraints that make it too hard to implement major changes, such as tax increases
::: judiciary JAM-UP :::

And it’s all a big ol’ bunch of SUCKS TO BE THEM until you realize that this mess is five slices of Serious Shit Pie  because these piss-poors combine to account for more than one-third of the entire, whole and complete nation’s population and economic output.

!! STICKY SITCH ALERT !!

“Decisions these states make as they try to navigate the recession will play a role in how quickly the entire nation recovers,” one of the Pew peeps professed.

NO PRESSURE GUYS … but, uhh, could you get with the A program, so all of America doesn’t have to keep suffering?!?

Pretty please with a big ol’ stimulus check on top?

SOURCE

Daily DUH!

World Bank President Robert Zoellick has the crucial info!
LISTEN UP!!!!!

Talking to reporters about the überly-astronomical 10.2% U.S. unemployment rate, Mr. Braintrust blah blah’d:

“You’re going to have problems with delinquencies of credit card loans, consumer loans, people won’t be able to pay their mortgages. Some banks are going to continue to be troubled by bad loans.”

YA THINK?!?!?

Crickety cripes!
If all ya gotta do to head up the international agency tasked with floating finance to the fiscally famished is orate the ohmygodthatissofucking obvious to anyone within earshot — well you can color me qualified and sign my ass 20 kinds of UP for that shit!

Frealz!
That bitch banks more than $400,000 a year for spouting the self-explanatory?!

I want IN on that action!!!

I would love to get paid copious piles of cash to travel the world pointing out the patently perceptible, stating the ever-so simple and offering absolutely nothing in the way of intrinsic information!

I mean, it’s certainly gotta beat giving it away free like I currently do!

Now where’s that job app?!?

SOURCE

Prepare to panic in 3 … 2 …

Don’t step out of lentil line at the shelter just yet, you bums!
There’s a brand spankin’ NEW crisis on the horizon!
::: Woo h .. oh wait. Not good … :::

NYU economist and all-around financial fiasco forecaster Nouriel Roubini
<————-
has just issued a code-red high-alert that the Federal Reserve and other money managers are fueling a massive new asset “bubble” that will someday go KAPLOW BIOTCH and steal your savings, render you blind and take away all your TP after giving you the 100-day poops.
::: poop! :::

The Roubinator says the Fed is holding short-term interest rates near zero *NO!* and investors and speculators are borrowing big bucks on the cheap *ACK!* and using them to pick up all kinds of Wall-Streety type shit like stocks, bonds, gold, oil, minerals and foreign currencies – which sounds all *GREAT!* because that means prices go up and mega money can be made which is a big ol’ slice of *SWEET!*, right?

Ya, not so much.

‘Cuz *SHOCK* it can’t last.

Eventually the Fed’ll have to raise rates, peeps’ll be panic-selling their stashes all over the gat damn place and the next big cash crash’ll come down harder than Amy Winehouse after another Blaaaaaaaaaake breakup!
::: FFFFFWOP! :::

“The Fed and other policymakers seem unaware of the monster bubble they are creating,” the economical extrasensory insists. “The longer they remain blind, the harder the markets will fall.”

RUH-ROHS!
Time to flex your beggin’ hands, hobos!

SOURCE