Posts filed under ‘George Bush’

Best Journo Want Ad EVER!


If I were interested in getting back into the *wheeze* *sputter* *cough* DYING world of newspapery, I would seriously consider working for this guy!!
Awesome ad in 3 … 2 …

We want to add some talent to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune investigative team. Every serious candidate should have a proven track record of conceiving, reporting and writing stellar investigative pieces that provoke change. However, our ideal candidate has also cursed out an editor, had spokespeople hang up on them in anger and threatened to resign at least once because some fool wanted to screw around with their perfect lede.

We do a mix of quick hit investigative work when events call for it and mini-projects that might run for a few days. But every year we like to put together a project way too ambitious for a paper our size because we dream that one day Walt Bogdanich will have to say: “I can’t believe the Sarasota Whatever-Tribune cost me my 20th Pulitzer.” As many of you already know, those kinds of projects can be hellish, soul-sucking, doubt-inducing affairs. But if you’re the type of sicko who likes holing up in a tiny, closed office with reporters of questionable hygiene to build databases from scratch by hand-entering thousands of pages of documents to take on powerful people and institutions that wish you were dead, all for the glorious reward of having readers pick up the paper and glance at your potential prize-winning epic as they flip their way to the Jumble… well, if that sounds like journalism Heaven, then you’re our kind of sicko.

For those unaware of Florida’s reputation, it’s arguably the best news state in the country and not just because of the great public records laws. We have all kinds of corruption, violence and scumbaggery. The 9/11 terrorists trained here. Bush read My Pet Goat here. Our elections are colossal clusterfucks. Our new governor once ran a health care company that got hit with a record fine because of rampant Medicare fraud. We have hurricanes, wildfires, tar balls, bedbugs, diseased citrus trees and an entire town overrun by giant roaches (only one of those things is made up). And we have Disney World and beaches, so bring the whole family.
Send questions, or a resume/cover letter/links to clips to my email address below. If you already have your dream job, please pass this along to someone whose skills you covet. Thanks.

Matthew Doig
Sarasota Herald-Tribune
1741 Main St.
Sarasota FL, 34236
(941) 361-4903
matthew.doig@heraldtribune.com

SOURCE

March 24, 2011 at 2:33 pm 5 comments

Pure Awesome


December 31, 2009 at 12:56 pm 6 comments

Dobbs in 2012?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHELLNO!

The blubbery, rubbery rosacea-faced Republican got his fo’ shizzle on when asked by Fred ‘Red October’ Thompson whether he’d consider running for President in 2012.

“Yes is the answer,” he blah blah’d over the airwaves.

Lou “There’s aliens ever-whurr!” Dobbs wants the White House.
Not so fast, peepaw!
I mean, this shit ain’t presidential!
::: … or, hmmmm, IS it … :::

“I’m gonna be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen to ’em in the next few weeks. I mean I don’t even know what to tell you in terms of where I’m leaning. Because right now I’m fortunate to have a number of just wonderful options.”

Something vaguely famililar here … wakspeak … can’t commit to an original thought without prior advisor approval … no plan … don’t know … well, maybe … ‘options’ … blessed fortunate this’n’that …

… where have I heard this kind of confusing communicatory caca before??
Oh yeah …..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Get excited!!!
Ring the bells and release the doves — this is GREAT shit!!

The Republican party is just a big ol’ natty bunch of nimrods who have gone absolutely and 100% gonzo retard!
Can you smell the AWESOME?!?
I mean, this basically guarantees we’ll get ringside seats to THE greatest show on Earth – a field fucking full of mouthfarts like Beck or Limbaugh or Hannity or Coulter (don’t count that skank out) thinking their blowhardiness can blow hard enough to diminish my boyfriend‘s glittery shimmery aura of audacified hopification.

DREAM ON, BITCHES!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

But, you know, this could be one seriously big buncha F-U-N!
Let ’em all run!
Well, everyone but Limbaugh.
Those hamhocks rubbing together at a runner’s pace would generate enough heat to melt that fucking lardass right … where … he … stan … uhh, on second thought RUN RUSH RUUUUUUN!!!!!

November 25, 2009 at 11:04 am 4 comments

WORD!


Unfriend.

Unfriend?!

UNFREAKIN’FRIEND?!?!?

Frealz — that trick was trotted out as the New Oxford American Dictionary’s vaunted ‘Word of the Year’!

I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!!!

Each year Oxford University Press tracks how the English language is changing and chooses a word that best reflects the mood of the year … except that word is so last year!

Oxford lexicographer Christine Lindberg defended the dumbass decision by blah blah-ing something about ‘unfriend’ having “real lex appeal” or some shit.
::: WUT-EVAR! :::

I mean, ok, sure. I think we can all count our blessings that they didn’t go with the absolutely wretch-worthy ‘staycation’ — but ‘unfriend’ as the word that best represents the mood of the year?!?

Not so much!
It was out the day the entire country basically ‘unfriended’ the Texas Twit and his gang.

It is so over! How could they not know that?!?
And – more to the point – how could they overlook the unlimited oodles of absolutely awesome utterings here at LIAC?!?

I DEMAND AN INVESTIGATION!!!!!

They missed my many, many, multitudinous, multifaceted missives on ‘scientifical researchification’!

They patently pushed precious Ponchita’s ‘Hilariosity’ straight into the path of NOT HAPPENING and gave an absolute ‘uh uh’ to my admirably obnoxious and overzealous use of everything ‘asshat’!
::: TENFOLD FUCKERY!!! :::

No one — and I mean NO ONE – butchers the English language like I do!
RECKONIZE!!!

But, alas – this bitch cain’t get no ‘spect, I ‘spect?!?
So this is me chuckin the deuce and cuttin’ it loose!

’till tomorrow’s irritation, that is 😉

November 18, 2009 at 11:29 am 6 comments

In case you didn’t know …


This is what history rewriting itself looks like:

Cheney this week: “No Iraq – 9/11 link”

Cheney 2002 – 2003: So believed there was an Iraq-9/11 link that he (and Rumsfeld) authorized the use of torture to extract evidence of an Iraq-Al Qaeda link from detainees

Cheney 2003: “Could be Iraq – 9/11 link”

Cheney 2004: “Clear link between Iraq and Al Qaeda”

… ok … maybe it’s just what shameless evil looks like.

 

History would do well to erase this motherfucker from it’s memory altogether.
If only it could …

June 3, 2009 at 10:24 am

Change SHMANGE – RAAAAA!!!!!!!


The Evil Overlord hath spoken!

COWER PLEBIANS!!!

dcheney“Most Republicans have a pretty good idea of values …”

HAHAHAHA ok ok ok, nevermind!
I didn’t know he was makin’ funnies!

“[They] aren’t eager to have someone come along and say, ‘Well, the only way you can win is if you start to act more like a Democrat.’ ”
::: troof hurts! :::

During an interview with some radio yahoo from North Dakota, former Veep and renown world destroyer Dick Cheney explained his theory as to why the Republican party is basically eating itself from the inside out like the grotesque form of necrotizing political fasciitis it is.

“This is about fundamental beliefs and values and ideas … what the role of dinodickgovernment should be in our society, and our commitment to the Constitution and constitutional principles.”
::: Oh lawd — is he saying they still don’t know?!? Well, the first step IS admitting you have a problem … :::

“You know, when you add all those things up, the idea that we ought to moderate basically means we ought to fundamentally change our philosophy. I for one am not prepared to do that, and I think most of us aren’t.”

Spoken like a true dinosaur …

SOURCE

May 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm 4 comments

G-nailed!


aigemail
So I got ^ this email ^ yesterday at mmmm.lifeisacookie@gmail.com that was kinda sorta seemingly callin’ my ass a few kinds of out for not going apeshit on the whole AIG sitch.

And I’m all ‘Dude! What’s going on?!? If only you knew how I’ve tried!’

‘What’s going on?’
Well, for one thing, I really didn’t think anyone would want to read 8 inches of FUCK YOU AIG ASSHATS AND YOUR MISERABLE CORPORATE FUCKERY, YOU GREEDY FUCKING FUCKTARDED FUCKERS!!

I mean, it’s not exactly what one would call particularly ‘insightful’ or ‘thought-provoking’, now is it?

‘What’s going on??’
Every time I sit down, try to channel my inner calm and meaningfully articulate just exactly how I feel about AIG paying more than $160 million in bonuses to employees of its Financial Products division …
… the unit primarily responsible for the company’s epic meltdown …
… the meltdown that resulted in AIG getting more than $170 billion of my yours OUR money in the form of a taxpayer-funded bailout …
… the bailout that essentially made instant millionaires over the weekend of more than 70 people (11 of whom no longer even WORK there) who had a direct fucking role in bringing the fucking company to the brink of ETERNAL FUCKING RUIN …

… What’s going on is that I get a POUNDING HEADACHE from repeatedly bashing my forehead against the wall out of earned aggravation and excessively escalating pissiosity!

Because it’s not just the greedy muddascunt AIGers who arouse my anger, sir.

OH HO NO!

I have ire in reserve for the Federal Reserve twits and the Treasury Deptartment meatsacks who should have put terms into the original bailout agreement that would have prevented this fiscal fuckery — but didn’t in the rush rush to get the [admittedly necessary] bill passed.

And I feel I can rightly direct a fair amount of fury at every lameass, near-sighted Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green Partier, lobbyist, banker, zoologist, cryptozoologist, philatelist or rare coin collector who had even the most limited hand in ultimately putting before then-President Bush the $700 billion NO FUCKING OVERSIGHT economic bailout package (Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008) which became the godawful Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP) when shrub signed that bitch into law on October 3.

‘What’s going on?!?’
ACK!

I don’t think I can harness this hissy fit and I sure as shit couldn’t find my happy place right now even if you plopped my tuckus smack in the middle of it from a hot-air balloon powered solely by sunshine and positive thoughts!

‘What’s going on?!?!’

There [almost] are no words …

March 18, 2009 at 10:11 am 3 comments

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