Posts filed under ‘dining’

Thanksgiving … a time for family …

Enjoy it if you can 😉

XOXO – Cookie

November 21, 2012 at 10:02 pm

The science is IN!

And if it’s true — I’m gonna live to be a BILLION – YAY!!!

According to research that was published just this very week in the hottest of hot reads — the Journal of the American Geriatric Society — haulin’ your hot cross buns into super-duper old age is determined by your genes, not your lifestyle.

::: DNA: 1 / Tofu: 0 :::

Professor Nir Barzilai is director of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine’s Institute of Ageing Research, which is a really long title comprised of a bunch of letters that — when put together in an orderly fashion — sound out to a bunch of words that mean he’s smarter than you so shut your hole and listen up!

“In previous studies of our centenarians, we’ve identified gene variants that exert particular physiology effects, such as causing significantly elevated levels of HDL or ‘good’ cholesterol,” he said.

He explained that new research provides evidence that these and other “longevity genes” provide a buffer to the people who have them against the harmful effects of an unhealthy lifestyle.

Almost 500 people between 95 and 109 were studied and compared to more than 3,000 others born during the same period. The studiers found that the study-ees who were, like, hella old ‘n stuff ate just as shitty, drank (wheeeeeePINOT!) and smoked just as much, exercised just as little and were just as likely to be overweight as their long-gone friends.


The first woman Barzilai researchified was some 109-year-old trick who told him she had smoked 40 cigarettes a day for 90 years.
::: DAYUM!!! :::

While most people would have died of lung cancer or heart disease, he said, she wheezed sputtered coughed soldiered on.

So the puffy stuff is clear, fine. Whatever.

It’s the hooch I need hard data on.

And so, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be heading out now to continue investigative tactics of an exploratory nature to validate the long-term health benefits of alcohol consumption.

And I’m prepared to commit to my research full-time, if need be.


August 5, 2011 at 5:47 pm 1 comment

Way to go, Fatso!!

If this does’t make you want to freebase gravy and make sweet sweet love to a Hardee’s Bacon Double Thickburger, then I don’t know what will because Arizonian Kelly Gneiting is bringing the chunk and living the dream!

The three-time American sumo wrestling champion made history this weekend when he broke the Guinness World Record for Heaviest Person to Complete a Marathon.
::: in other news, there is an American sumo wrestling champion :::

Gneiting – who refers to himself the ‘Fat Man’ – weighed a whopping 1600 Quarter Pounders when he started the Los Angeles Marathon yesterday.

While we were all watching our Brackets go BUST (sidenote: F-U, ‘Cuse! 😦 ), the 40-year-old, six-foot flabmaster battled driving rains, sore feet and what I can only imagine was the most super-serious nipple ouch EVAR before he crossed the finish line in 9 hours, 48 minutes and 42 seconds – beating his 2008 record of 11:52:11 when he weighed a not-so-supersized 275 pounds.

After the race, a breathless Gneiting told the Los Angeles Times: ‘I’d like to see the Kenyan improve his marathon time by two hours.’


Dude is nothing short of a modern-day medical MIRACLE of moundish massiveness!
I love him!

‘Big people can do the imaginable.’


StudCornmuffin’s gonna follow up his marathon mastery by hiking from the Dead Sea to Mount Everest and swimming the English Channel.

And, because I am now an admirer of the adipocerous athlete, I have just two words if he’s reading – You Tube!


March 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Flagrant Fowl!

::: And you don’t have to go all the way to Cairo to get it! :::

For anyone who might think otherwise — BE WARNED!!
Officials in Lakeland, Florida will only be pushed so far!

They have endured all they’re going to take and have been forced — FORCED! — to call in a team — A TEAM!! — of chicken chasers to rid the city of feral fowls.

In other news: Feral chickens are out there — and they’re a problem!
::: who knew?! :::

This weekend, Bay News 9 broke the devastating news of our newest national nightmare, explaining that the fearful folk of northwest Lakeland are terror-stricken over hundreds of chickens raising a ruckus and running amok in their midst.
::: repre-HEN-sible!!! :::

After months of rooster rebellion, city leaders finally brought the hell naw, started their own Cash for Cluckers program and called in the hired guns at Squeal Deal Animal Control to put the kibosh on this barnyard bedlam.

They had no choice!
Because this ain’t your average paltry poultry causing callamity in the community, people.

These cocks are cunning!

The buckaroos of cock-a-doodle-do say these chickens are both smart and fast!

Cruel combo!

In fact, there is only one deadlier duo known to man!!!
::: The one whose name we dare not speak! :::

“The chickens, this is their woods,” chicken chaser Clayton Keene cautioned.

They shit go underneath houses and cars and in trees. They know where to shit escape from you.”

Escape from you mere non-chicken chasing mortals, that is.

But not from the squad of superheros at Squeal Deal, who load up the evil egg-layers and take them to a secret hideout deep in the bowles of the county jail where no one hears your screams
facility so they can be punished de-feathered fried ‘counted’.
::: so that’s what we’re calling it now … :::


Once they’re ‘counted’ (if that’s what we’re calling it now) – some of the ferociously feathered will be donated to schools for ‘agriculture projects’ (if that’s what we’re calling them now) and others may be donated to charity organizations so they can be used for food.

What’s that you say?

Can a deviant coop-dweller for real and, like, truly be rehabilitated into a plate of delicious morselness??

According to Keene – THEY CAN!
::: YAY! :::

“A couple of the residents told me they have had them,” he said. “And that they are better than the store-bought chickens. I haven’t tried them myself, but they said they are.”

Good enough for me!!

Wild wings anyone??

January 30, 2011 at 5:14 pm 4 comments


::: Sorry greeneyedgirl – it had to be done! :::

Next month, Burger King is opening a new Whopper Bar in South Beach that will sell beer and burgers.

Complicated Order!

Just kidding — that bitch would be in heaven!!

* Beatbox *
It’s the sickest kind of day, you gonna git it all your way
A Double Whopper and some fries, with a cold one on the side …
* Beatbox *

Burger Kings in Germany and Whopper Bars in Singapore and Venezuela already sell suds, but this will be the first BK B&B in the US to get they drank on.

* Beatbox *
I’ll give it to you in a cup, and I’ll fill that muthah up
But forget about dessert, unless you lookin’ to get hurt …
Beatbox *

More Whopper Bars could be coming to New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, says Chuck Fallon, president of Miami-based Burger King North America.



January 25, 2010 at 11:51 am 6 comments

Heisman Schmeisman

Accolades and honors aren’t just about athletic achievment, people!

A major award is being handed down and if there’s any merit to logic at all – YOU, my friends, are totally missing it.

Ten dedicated SOBs (Servers of Burgers) are making hamburger history as the Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame Class of 2009.

Yes, you read that correctly.
There is a Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame.
And this special group of fast food faithfuls will now forever be a part of it.


Accoutrements of the award include each Hall of Famer being featured on his or her very own super spectacular Krystal Hamburger or Cheese Krystal box, which will be first unveiled at each guests’ exclusive ceremony before being used in the 385 Krystal restaurants across the South beginning early next year.

Yes, you read that correctly.
They each get their own ceremony!
::: Kinda takes the special right out of the supermarket sheet cake your cubiclemates gave you at your last party, huh … :::

Each burger box will include an illustration of the Hall of Famer PLUS a quote that describes his or her passion for Krystal AND personal facts such as the inductee’s hometown and favorite Krystal meal.
::: Banana Freeze, Fries and Chili Cheese Pups at 2 in the morning after a night of binge drinking and bad decisions — YEAH!!!! :::

The first inductee of the 2009 class — and 76th of all time — was Phenix City, Alabama’s own Charlie Capps — who capped off his burger slingin’ career with the HOF nod of infamy.

“After 48 years, I hung up my spatula,” he said.


Except all I’m inspired to be right now is fucking jealous as all getout!
I mean, ok sure — I don’t work at Krystal or anything but I have done my fair share over the years for the franchise (mostly when I was single and in my early 20s and running the streets all hours of the day and night and generally thinking I was badass and engaging in assorted variations or super ridiculousness but WHATEVER – I got my Krystal on!) … yet I’ve not been honored with so much as a half-price coupon!

Where’s the love, fuckers?!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Recognition rejection!!

Don’t make me bring my buns over to Burger King!


December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am

Put the brakes on breakfast, bitches!

The pancakes are pleased and the muffins amused but you can bet your sweet ass the ankle-biters in your abode are gonna be 12 shades of WAAAHHHHHHH when they find out about the nationwide waffle shortage.


That’s right, ‘rents – it’s time to push the panic button!
::: oh noes!!!!! :::

The Kellogg Company announced the awfulness and blamed the batter cake blight on “a confluence of events” — including Listeria monocytogenes [Mmmm Mmmm good!] that forced its Atlanta manufacturing plant to be shuttered for some serious sanitizing and then wouldnchajustnkowit – freak flooding at the same facility just as they were ready to resume production. 😦
::: timing is everything :::

Kellogg flak Kris Charles conceded, “Flooding at our Atlanta facility as well as equipment issues necessitating extensive enhancements and repairs at our largest waffle bakery facility.”

Oh, but it’s ok.
I’m sure they’re on it.
I’m sure they have a plan!
I’m sure they wouldn’t just wing it when it comes to a full-scale waffle washout!

“We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible,” Charles said in crystal clear industry insider codespeak which, loosely translated, means ‘the chances of Joe Consumer gettin’ those griddle goodies at his local grocery are about the same as Palin getting a Pulitzer’.
::: Hi Slim! Meet NONE! :::

Hmmm … maybe it’s time to crack open that container of Kashi?
… just sayin’ …


November 19, 2009 at 11:05 am 3 comments

Older Posts

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: