Posts filed under ‘child support’

Jenna Jameson is NOT amused!


Because Jenna knows it takes more than some superstretchy streetwalkin’ solo shenanigans to make it to the top of Skanktown … and human clown car Nadya Suleman just ain’t that ho, yo!

But, alas, the world’s most famous little-people Pez-dispenser may just be turning to porn to pay off her house.

Try to contain your shock and amazement, folks.

The person idiot who sold the house to a woman with 14 anklebiters, no visible means of lasting support and a penchant for full-on fucktarderey says he’ll initiate foreclosure proceedings if she doesn’t pay up the $460k by the end of business on TODAY, BIATCH!!

And, you know, all of that really would sound 20 kind of super hard luckish and whatnot until you find out that Steven Hirsch, Prez of Vivid Entertainment, wrote Octoho a letter where he says he’ll pay off her house as long as she’s willing to take it take it out in tongue-flicks and big, hard di … well, you get the idea.

Now, I don’t know about you, but even though this mess was about as predictable as a Tara Reid relapse, I just don’t see myself sitting through Womb Raider or Octopussy-4-Realz … nuh uh.

SOURCE

Advertisements

March 23, 2010 at 10:09 am 8 comments

OctoGEDDON!!!


Fresh off my five-day cerebrospinal fluid imbalance-induced week of the most horrific hurt EVAR!!!!! — I take the first baby steps on my way to rejoining polite society only to be smacked in the face by America’s newest national nightmare:

Jon Gosselin did something un-Jon and Kate Plus 8-ey!!!

Oh.
MY.
GAWD!!

While I was making the climb back to civilization – the Learning Channel’s favorite bossy broodmare and her boring-ass bitch of a husband became gossip’s new golden couple after the lab-created dad was spotted gettin’ his drink and party on without the old ball and chain.

And because YOU were coherent and generally ‘with it’ last week — YOU already know what happened next …

Total.
FUCKING.
PANIC!!!!!

jonkateThe interwebs were going all apeshit with rumors of boozified cheateration, whoremongering and *gasp* divorce – but I was going all ‘This shit’s passing for news now?’
Frealz?!?

Because – no lie peeps – I can think of, like, a gozillion other things more deserving of my attention [H1N1 … economy … recalls … China …] and my ‘getting bent out of shape’ energies than some poor castrated nutsack enjoying a rare moment of freedom while the zookeeper’s away.

Nope.
Sorry.
You’ll have to do better.
I’m just a tough customer like that.

The only way this thing has any ‘mo is if Nadya Suleman is (even if it’s just in some small way) responsible — because that would just be a big, bold shade of hot mess AWESOMENESS!

No shit!
That kind of showdown would totally set my summer!

X-Men Origins? You’re outta here!
Terminator? Star-Trek?? Transformers??? Totally trivial!
And you, Harry Potter?!? PISS OFF, fuckbucket!!!

octofight1These breeders better start bringin’ the pain or I cancel ALL subscriptions!!!

You got me TLC bigwigs!?!

Unless you’re putting the final touches on the bitchslappiest KY-jelly-filled steel cage Mother’s Day smackdown in history — don’t even THINK about getting me to tune in for another one of Maddy’s meltdowns next season!

You bring me that hot Octo-on-Octo action I crave … or we’re THROUGH!

May 4, 2009 at 5:05 pm 6 comments

Papa was a trolling drone …


ATTENTION WOMEN EVERYWHERE:

DO NOT FUCK WITH THOMAS FRAZIER

Seriously — don’t  do it!

Unless you had all your womanly business yanked out at least a decade ago and you’ve had your hoo-ha sewn twelve kinds of shut and your legs have been permanently fused together at the knee and ankle bones – do not fuck with, near, around, close to, in the general vicinity of or within a 50-mile radius of Thomas Frazier.

Because this meatsack can knock a bitch up with a single, furtive glance her way … or by breathing the same air … or passing her on the freeway …

And then – just like your self-respect, your freedom and your future plans – he’s OUTTA THERE!!!

Frazier is Flynt, Michigan’s answer to the question “If there was a world champion of deadbeat dads, what would he look like?”

He’d look like this fucker!!
A serial sperm donor who bounces from state to state, has fourteen children by 13 different women in Genesee County alone and owes more than $530,000 in unpaid child support.

Oh, but his years of playing the artful child support dodger came to an end late last month when karma finally said ‘Enough fuckery, douchebag!”

He was pulled over in Iowa for a broken taillight on his Mercedes Benz and wouldja take a fuckin’ look at this — in his pocket police found $5,000 in cash and plane tickets to Florida!

Shockingly, police didn’t buy his lie that the money was for child support and not the Mons Venus champagne room.
In fact, they called bullshit on all the cockamamie crap he was shoveling, threw his impregnating ass in jail and gave him the choice of doing 90 days or coming up with about $28,000 — immediately.

Which means, of course, that he’ll continue earning his ‘burden to society’ merit badge by spending a little vakay at the county’s expense.

Hopefully dickhead will get a take-charge kind of cellmate who will spend hours each day demonstrating the painful ins and outs of ill-advised copulation and ram home nightly the consequences of such irresponsibility.

… hopefully …

SOURCE

April 13, 2009 at 4:36 pm 2 comments

Guess what? Now everyone knows you’re a loser!


Todd Dellinger is a deadbeat dadDeadbeat Parent (Wikipedia):
A pejorative term referring to parents who have freely chosen not to be financially supportive in their children’s lives. The real definition is an unrestricted parent treated equally who chooses not to be a regular or supportive parent in their child or children’s lives.

Todd Dellinger’s picture should accompany that definition. He’s your classic prick with an unfortunately working dick who will probably sire another child before turning tail and ducking out … again.

But his shortcomings aren’t limited to his personal relationships – heck no!
He sucks at business too!!
Just ask Pacesttr of Winterville, Georgia, who has hired a lawyer to try and get back some of the money Todd Dellinger stole from him – he posted all about it on RipoffReport.com – check it out!

And the children? What about them?

It’s true, we cannot lie — Todd Dellinger is a loser of epic proportions but he did at least one thing right in his pathetic, moronic, teeny-peeny excuse for a life, which was to help give this world one of the sweetest little faces it will ever know. And that sweet little face will thank her lucky stars forever that she has the most extraordinary mom (my wonderful friend) right there every day working to keep the now-Toddless family together.

Yes indeedy — he couldn’t hack it and left my dear friend to do it all alone.
And you know what that means? She gets everything …

She gets to give the kids kisses every morning and whisper nightie nites while tucking them in. She gets the big smiles for Fourth of July fireworks. She gets the handmade Mother’s Day cards with the stick-figure drawings.

When they come rushing through the front door, giggling at the end of the day it’s HER they run to give a big hug to.

Because HE didn’t think any of that was worth the child support payments necessary to make those things happen, SHE gets everything.

Every happy, every sad, every joy and ever hurt. Every holiday, boo-boo, slumber party, lost tooth … every report card, first date, prom, graduation, wedding and grandbaby.

Every childhood story they ever tell; every dream they ever have; every memory they ever recall — will have a common thread running through them:
Mom

You go girl!!

And Todd Dellinger? This may be what he has to look forward to.

Karma’s a bitch, loser!

April 2, 2008 at 6:18 pm 6 comments



Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: