Posts filed under ‘celebrity’

NOOooooooooooo!


I may have to say farewell to love for my (other) boo … my comedic counsel … my satirical soul-mate … ‘cuz he has brought the WRONG, y’all!!

My hopefullyhecanredeemhimselfbecasueIdon’twanttosaygoodbyetomy Ihopenotsoontobeformerlove Katt Williams was supposed to bring the hee hee during a performance in Phoenix last weekend but instead he just brought the ‘Oh HAYULL NAW!’

Because he went there.
Because Tracey Morgan’d himself and that, my friends, is a taint you almost can’t terminate.

During his show, the Pimp Chronicler singled out a man seated near the stage and asked him if he was Mexican.
::: ruh roh :::

“It appears to me y’all like it over here a lot,” Williams then said.
::: here we go :::

Cue the tirade in 3 … 2 …

“If y’all had California, and you loved it, you shouldn’t have gave that motherfucker up! You should have fought for California, goddamn it! Since you loved it.”

The audience member then stood up and said “This is Mexico, motherfucker!” to which Williams replied by turning in his direction, stomping his foot and responding “You think I’m dissing Mexico and I’m defending America. Do you know where Mexico is? No, this ain’t Mexico, it used to be Mexico, motherfucker, and now it’s Phoenix, goddammit. USA! USA!”

Now, kiddies, this is the part where I don’t have to tell you that this heated little exchange headed straight for the land of NOT GOOD with no detours, pit stops or bathroom breaks … because it did.

Because NOT GOOD is disparaging another person’s culture and heritage and should never be confused with defending your own.
Because it’s not.

After singing a bit of the national anthem — which Williams apparently either doesn’t realize or doesn’t care was written by slave-owner Francis Scott Key — he exploded with “Fuck, we were slaves, bitch! Y’all just work like that at the landscapers, motherfucker! It’s not even racial, you’re a bitch!”

Except that, well, I love you Katt, but let’s put it out there, ‘kay hon?
It was racial.
And it was undeserved.
Which makes it, like, you know — wrong ‘n stuff.

It wasn’t ‘edgy comedy’.
It was ignorance and undeserved mean-spiritedness toward someone else on the sole basis of ethnicity.
Which — stay with me here — makes it racial.
Which also like, you know — makes it wrong ‘n stuff.

Outrage over the incident has roundly risen everywhere, including the national Latino advocacy group Presente.org, which petitioned for — and seems to have perhaps, maybe, on some level received — an apology.

A very dry white toast, probably publicist-penned apology, that is.

“My remarks were not meant to be offensive. I want to apologize if my comedy act was taken out of context. I sincerely appreciate my fans within the Mexican community and would never intentionally go out of my way to offend them.”

Not exactly dripping with sincerity there.
Just sayin’.

Katt, baby, if history is any guide toward the future – we’ll see if you do sincerely appreciate your fans — from all communities.
Or if you just appreciate their money.

I know which one I hope it is.

September 1, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Look no further. This is the one. Right here.


BEHOLD!!!!!

The Photoshop Award Winner for July 2011 New Millennium ALWAYS AND FOREVER FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AND BEYOND – LIZA!

No, do not look away.
Drink this bitch IN!

Because she’s spreadin’ her legs, flippin’ off Mutha Naytchuh and channeling her inner ‘Chicaco’ in a photoshoot that underscores, CAPITALIZES and puts in bold type  that this is the kind of perfectly polished and preserved perfection you can only achieve through a life well lived spatula pan-cake application, a gallon of black hair dye, eye Sharpie and about two weeks of Photoshop touchup.

Because it is.

Only not for some folks suckups on the interwebs who are losing their gat damned MINDS over the S&M-y pics Terry Richardson shot of the sexxxagenarian for LOVE. They’re gettin’their gush on, goin’ all “she looks pretty freaking amazing here” and “Liza has still got it” and “WOW, Liza Minnelli looks amazing” and so on and suchlike.

And they’re right.
Sort of.

The pictures of Liza Minnelli look amazing.
The very super ultra digitally doctored pictures of Liza Minnelli look amazing.

And they do.
Because they are.

Because bitch looked like this in March:

Now, I give props to Liza. I really do.
She’s accomplished, she’s renown, she’s got nice veneers.

And I want good things for her.
Her health, her happiness, her honoring us with continued performance excellence.

But her hotness?
I do not want Liza bringin’ the hotness.

Not now. Not ever.

Because she can’t.
Because she isn’t.

So get rid of the diffused light sources, back away from the Wrap Tool and don’t even think of clicking the healing brushes.
Let Liza be the old and imperfect but perfectly talented old trick she is — chins, belly and all.

We can take it.

August 5, 2011 at 12:12 am 3 comments

Topps: Putting the F-U in snafu since … well, today



Topps hits bottom, but the dumbfuckery is all around if mah (other, other) boo didn’t check this shit before slapping his John Hancock on it.

But hey, can you say Collector$$ Item?
Ye$$$, of cour$se you can 😉

SOURCE

August 1, 2011 at 10:44 pm 1 comment

And?


A lawsuit filed by the former bodyguard of Cheetoh Spears contains shockingly nottheleastfuckingbit shocking claims that the ‘Toxic’ singer is, well, just that.

“Spears was generally personally unkempt. She had obnoxious personal habits, such as chain-smoking cigarettes … She broke wind or picked her nose un-self-consciously and unapologetically,” Fernando Flores claims in papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court.

The allegations sent shockwaves … absolutely nowhere.

In other news, SAND IS SANDY!!!

I mean, seriously, what’s next?
A scathing exposé on the obvious obviosity of Lady Gaga’s unadulterated ripoffery?!

… going back to sleep now.

July 21, 2011 at 5:00 pm 5 comments

Oooo! Oooo! I know! I know!


Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress?

What do I win, Johnny?!? 😉

June 23, 2011 at 11:04 pm 3 comments

Oedipus was a motherfucker and other fun facts


You know how some things just ‘are’ no matter how you want to explain them otherwise?

Like the uncanny behavioral resemblance to our parents we all develop with age.
Or the fact that you just read that and went all ‘Pshuh! Not me!’ on that truth.

Some shit just ‘is’.

Such as …

Pull my finger is funny when your 80-year-old grandfather or 4-year-old nephew do it.
Smell my finger? Not so much.

Women have a better sense of smell than men.
Probably because men want us to smell their finger way too much.

On average a woman has 4 sexual partners in her lifetime.
That she’ll admit.

Tracy Morgan’s a dick.
Nope, that’s it.

A chameleon’s tongue is twice the length of its body.
You just had a sexual thought reading that.

English doesn’t have to be read or written from left to right.
Hebrew is right to left. Period.

The invention of the Chocolate Chip Cookie was an accident.
Mmmmmmmmm!

The Canary Islands were named for dogs.
Hounds of hell, to be precise.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Pregnant teen? Same.

In England, the Speaker of the House doesn’t speak.
In the U.S., that rule should apply to all Tea Party freaks.

Zsa Zsa’s days are numbered.
Don’t argue. You know it’s true.

Mark Douglas’ ‘Beiber Fever’ is so funny you’ll pee yourself.
Go ahead. Download it. You’ve been warned.

In Florida, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Key West must be exempt.

My brain is tired.
Your turn!

June 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm 12 comments

Did I miss a memo?


I mean, ok, so I have been out of it for a bit, but really people — this is just a smouldering pile of fuckupery!

Has donating your own plasma suddenly become passé?
Is it no longer profitable to get paid to work the pole?
Did embezzlement somehow become obsolete?

I don’t know how or when it happened but I do know this:
This is a dark day!
THIS is a sure sign of the Apocolypse!!
THIS is when it becomes just a big ol’ bag of crystal clear that this New Great Depression shall see no end!!!
::: this is where you act all concerned and shit :::

Gone are the days of innovative income ideas.
In their place now exists a ramshackle rundown of dastardly deeds I didn’t think could get any worse – ooohhhh but it has!

Because it’s come to this:
Weave Theives are stealing America follicle by faux follicle!

GASP!

A bunch of bandits recently broke in to an Atlanta beauty store and stone cold STOLE $30,000 worth of extensions!

HAIR HIJACKERY!!!!!

Lucien Poko, manager at the Beauty Master store near Greenbriar Parkway told Atlanta police that four burglars were driving a black Chevrolet Suburban when they smashed the two front doors of his shop with a rock and went directly to the display of Remi hair extensions.

Those low-down dirty cheaters of the counterfeit coif were probably casing the joint for months. How else can the beeline to those specific braids be explained?!

And this isn’t the first time!
Last month, mop muggers rammed a car through the front door of a Clayton County beauty supply store and made off with $10,000 in fake follicles — a paltry payload by comparison but still distressing to those sans strand and cause for concern for the rest of us as well!

I mean, can you just imagine the HELL there will be to pay if Beyoncé can’t lace up her locks or if Sam Donaldson’s next piece gets purloined?!

And don’t even get me started on Jim Eastabrook!!!

C’mon America! Don’t we have better things to do? Better ways of amassing even the smallest semblance of wealth?!

We can do better!
WE MUST!
The time is now to rise, rise I say and RALLY against this hair nightmare before the inanity goes national!!
::: this is where you go ‘bitch was gone for all this time and this is the best she can do on return?! :P:::

SOURCE

June 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm

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