Fantasy fuckery!!

August 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm 2 comments


I got an invite to a sparkly, shiny new fantasy football league last night and I was all WHEEEEEEE!!!!! because I love sparkly, shininess but mostly because this would be my fourth league — my fourth team this fine football season, which would be just a sparkly, shiny shade of WHEEEEEEETOINFINITY!!!!!, so I point and click my way to the Join This League page, where I carefully keyboard in the League ID and password and get ready to get all kinds of included …

… but instead I got this:

There was a problem
There is not room in this league if all teams from last year return. To join, get the commissioner to increase the maximum number of teams, or remove teams that will not be returning. (Error #638)

DENIED?
MOI?!?

I rub my eyes.
Surely I didn’t see what I just saw.
I look again.
It’s still there.

So I’m all ‘how can this be?’ — but then my beady little eye found the devil in that detail …

Not enough room *IF* all of last year’s teams return.

Excuse me, but what is this *if* shit?!?

This league has a cap of 16 teams and, last I heard only 11 had returned.
As in 11.
As in actually returned.
As in actually signed up.
As in actually going to draft.
Tonight.

Now, I think it’s a well-established fact that The Cookie is no mathematological genius-type ‘ho or anything, but I do know the difference between 11 and 16, people. I did pass the second grade, after all!

First – they LOOK different! One’s skinny and one’s got a belly.
Second – they SOUND different! One has three syllables and one’s got two.
Third – they COUNT different! One barely breaks into a third hand and one’s gonna need four.

SEE?!?!

They are DEFFERENT, as in not the same, as in one is less and one is more, as in — if we’re gettin’ technical here — there is, like, actual ROOM in this league for Cookie’s Coffin Cornerers.
Because there is!
Because 11 is not 16!!

TRUTH!

So cut the crap already and
Let.
My.
People.
IN!!

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Nature’s a muthah NOOooooooooooo!

2 Comments

  • 1. Ric  |  August 31, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Who got da ball?

    Cookie got da ball!

    Who got balls?

    Cookie got balls!

    You fantasy fuckups better watch out!! Cookies gonna ball you all to death until you let her peeps in. Count on it!

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  August 31, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    You are RIGHT, Ric!
    I’m channeling my inner Lil’ Kim – OUT COMES THE BEAST!



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