WHY, BITCHES?!?

August 22, 2011 at 3:55 pm 5 comments


You bitches are hangin’ with bitches who are, well, BITCHES!
And this time I am not using one of my all-time, ultra fave words in a good way.

Because I can’t.

Because TODAY.com and SELF magazine got themselves a certain kind of together and surveyed a big ol’ BUNCH of you (18,000 women and 4,000 men to be precise) and found out that y’all are straight up pallin’ around with some seriously poisonous peeps, yo!

Which makes me all WHY, BITCHES?!?

A full 65% of you admit enduring that douche who has THE best car, THE hottest wife, THE best job, THE answer for everything, THE douchiest douchness of all douchiosity – AKA: The Narcissist.
::: Seriously Blaine, can’t ya just shutthefuckUP for a skinny little sec?! :::

Fifty-nine percent of you kowtow to The Critic. You know the one — that cunt who’s always correcting, chastising, castigating, condemning or otherwise cutting your shit down every chance she gets. Yeah, her.
 ::: Oh but thank you sooooo soverymuch Bethany for always being the first to know exactly how eeeeeveryone in the office should have done eeeeeverything, aaaall the time, eeeeevery minute of eeeeevery day. Your colleagues truly can’t WAIT to pay your cunt ass back. Truly. They talk about it aaaall the time, eeeeevery minute of eeeeeevery day. :::

And Darla Depressesme? A fucked up 55% of you admit giving cheese to her whine, while 45% are spending time with some sick trick whose sole aim is to undermine  your every move and 37% are apparently friends with some dumb flake who spends her days roping you into her never ending whatamigonnaDOOOOO mylifeissuchamess dramathon you just can’t turn off.

WHY, BITCHES?!?

Because that’s a serious question.

Because after reading the results of the TODAY.com and SELF magazine survey, I surveyed mySELF and mySELF has conclusionized, decisionized and all-out prophesized that you are being force-fed one ginormous slice of WASTE OF TIME PIE any time you acquiesce to the demands of fool friends or encourage their emotional exhaustion or criminal attacks on those precious clock ticks that constitute your LIFE.

So, like, fucking stop it already, ‘kay sweets?

Because I don’t want to have to tell you again!!

::: she shouts … stepping down from the bully pulpit 😉 :::

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Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, culture, education, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, life, media, odd, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , .

Dumbass of the day Wait. What?

5 Comments

  • 1. Ric  |  August 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    See, that’s why I have cats and no girlfriend. Life is much simpler. Smart, aren’t I? C’mon, admit it, tell me I’m smart… jeez, come on, dammit.

  • 2. Noni  |  August 22, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    You’re smart, Ric. Oh yes you are!

    • 3. Ric  |  August 23, 2011 at 12:33 am

      See?! I knew it, I knew it!

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  August 23, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    LOL!!!

    • 5. Ric  |  August 23, 2011 at 8:33 pm

      And obviously you’re smart too!!


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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