COMMAND PERFORMANCE!

August 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm 2 comments


Well, sort of.
In a way.
If you cock your head to the right and squint REAL hard while staring out a dirty window at dusk on a foggy night it could kind of potentially maybe seem like something along the lines of a request type deal.

Yeah, if you do that.
Which I did.
So it did!

And, while I’m normally all ‘you’re not the boss of me! I do what I WANT!’ when you bitches make demands on my time … this one had legs!

“Another blog idea,” my friend John wrote me last night after I told him I was shoe shopping.
“Why do people have to pay money for something that hurts their feet?”

My first inclination was to school him on the business of being fucking FEMALE, which means a life lived at the whims and mercies of the gods and fate and DNA and history and cupcakes and motherfucking nature and everything else out of our control that controls us most of the time.
But that seemed like a lot of effort, so I went another way.

“Paying for something that hurts – SO many places to go with that one!” πŸ˜‰

“Yep. That would be a conversation starter for your readers,” he responds.

Ed. Note: John has seen certain posts by yours truly but doesn’t have a link to the ludicriousness we call LIAC because John practices actual journalism with all it’s journalism-y ethics and principles and shit and he would probably suffer some kind of anaphylactic shock or something if he read what basically is to journslism what Tara Reid is to acting or Rebecca Black is to the music industry and I can’t have that on my conscience so really what I’m doing here (aside from concocting the most gloriously lengthy and unjustifiable runon sentence in the entire and whole known history of the written word) is a totally unselfish act on his behalf because, you know, I’m a life saver – A HERO – like that.

But I digress …

“Give them the five stupidest things people pay good money for that brings them pain,” he wrote, which made me wonder what SpringDaddy would look like in a submissive’s hood …

“In no partciular order, these come to mind:
1. Sex, of course. And you can have a field day with that.
::: I usually do, John! πŸ˜‰ :::

2. Shoes
::: John meet Jade. Jade? John. :::

3. Bras
::: Well, umm yes … but if we didn’t put them on, what would you get to take off, John?! πŸ˜‰ :::

4. Life insurance. Come on people, paying YOUR money to give to others when YOU die. I know it serves a purpose to help survivors, but what a racket.
::: TRUTH!! Which is why I spend all MY money on hookers and blow, John! :::

5. Fiery hot foods with peppers than burn your mouth when eaten.
::: Wait. That doesn’t work. I mean, how else can I justify the gallon of Pinot I washed it down with, John?!? Hellloooo — that’s straight up strategerie right there! :::

And what about you bitches?
What are you out there blowin’ your wad on that’s bringin’ the oweez?

Enquiring minds John wants to know πŸ˜‰

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Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, culture, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, journalism, life, odd, reporting, shopping, Uncategorized.

Would I lie to you? Dumbass of the day

2 Comments

  • 1. tinkerbelle86  |  August 11, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    haha. love the bras one. cling film (surran wrap?) gets stuck to yuor hands, then your face, then your food only to go in the bin when you want your food back. whats the point?!

  • 2. greeneydgrrl  |  August 11, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Gym memberships…everytime I workout I can’t get enough of the ibuprofen then next day.


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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