Look no further. This is the one. Right here.

August 5, 2011 at 12:12 am 3 comments


BEHOLD!!!!!

The Photoshop Award Winner for July 2011 New Millennium ALWAYS AND FOREVER FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AND BEYOND – LIZA!

No, do not look away.
Drink this bitch IN!

Because she’s spreadin’ her legs, flippin’ off Mutha Naytchuh and channeling her inner ‘Chicaco’ in a photoshoot that underscores, CAPITALIZES and puts in bold type  that this is the kind of perfectly polished and preserved perfection you can only achieve through a life well lived spatula pan-cake application, a gallon of black hair dye, eye Sharpie and about two weeks of Photoshop touchup.

Because it is.

Only not for some folks suckups on the interwebs who are losing their gat damned MINDS over the S&M-y pics Terry Richardson shot of the sexxxagenarian for LOVE. They’re gettin’their gush on, goin’ all “she looks pretty freaking amazing here” and “Liza has still got it” and “WOW, Liza Minnelli looks amazing” and so on and suchlike.

And they’re right.
Sort of.

The pictures of Liza Minnelli look amazing.
The very super ultra digitally doctored pictures of Liza Minnelli look amazing.

And they do.
Because they are.

Because bitch looked like this in March:

Now, I give props to Liza. I really do.
She’s accomplished, she’s renown, she’s got nice veneers.

And I want good things for her.
Her health, her happiness, her honoring us with continued performance excellence.

But her hotness?
I do not want Liza bringin’ the hotness.

Not now. Not ever.

Because she can’t.
Because she isn’t.

So get rid of the diffused light sources, back away from the Wrap Tool and don’t even think of clicking the healing brushes.
Let Liza be the old and imperfect but perfectly talented old trick she is — chins, belly and all.

We can take it.

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Entry filed under: actors, blogging, celebrity, comedy, community, culture, entertainment, fashion, fun, funny, Gossip, health, humor, life, media, Music, News, odd, photography, unbelievable, Uncategorized, vanity. Tags: .

Topps: Putting the F-U in snafu since … well, today The science is IN!

3 Comments

  • 1. greeneydgrrl  |  August 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Wow Cookie..I really don’t know what to say about this…I really, really don’t.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  August 5, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    disturbing, I know

  • 3. Ric  |  August 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    The second picture…. she’s almost a dead ringer for my dentist.

    The first picture…. not my dentist (except maybe in my dreams – which is disturbing…)


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