No. No. Forever NO!
The boneheads over at Berjuan Toys want you to buy a ‘Breast Milk Baby’ for your delicate flower of daughterhood because it will ‘teach children the nurturing skills they’ll need to raise their own healthy babies in the future,’ according to to Dennis Lewis, U.S. spokesman for the Babydoll Booby Prize winning company.
‘Breastfeeding is good for babies …’
‘ …it’s good for mommies’
‘ … and it’s good for society …’
‘We really don’t understand why this has created such controversy.’
Because, I mean, umm, seriously? This is wrong.
I mean, umm, well, uhh, it’s not just the video of a real flesh and bones mommy’s breastesses complete with sucking baby attachment on the promotional video you made spliced and diced all kinds of ways with Little Suzie Seven Years Old draping her very own big-girl milking vest around her too-young-to-even-be-a-tween chest cavity as she simulates the adult action for herself.
It’s the whole and entire concept of the thing.
‘We’re being called perverts and pedophiles for promoting feeding our babies the way God intended.’
God intended girls who haven’t even gone through puberty to breast feed?!?
Really? Where in the bible is that?
You’re not being called perverts and pedophiles for promoting the breastfeeding of babies.
You’re being called perverts and pedophiles for promoting breastfeeding the breastfeeding of babies BY babies.
Because seriously, we know wrong.
We’ve seen some severe wrongness from doll makers in the past, so we know our shit.
Who can forget Remco’s creeptastic Baby Laugh-A-Lot
who’s shriekish sound made kids across the planet Cry-A-Lot, have Nightmares-A-Lot and End-Up-In-Therapy-A-Lot.
And what about Birthin’ Barbie?! From the tear-away tummy to the folded-up fetus inside – that bitch was bad from every angle!
Cabbage Patch Kids?
Get out of that garden!
And whatever the OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKISTHATTHING is going on here!!
A gastly collection of toy thoughts woven together in history by WRONG!
So go ahead Breast Milk Baby – join the ranks of disgusting doll ideas for all eternity.
And you toy makers?
Do not even THINK about peddlin’ Patty Pubescence with real ‘down there’ hair, ‘kay?
‘Cuz we ain’t havin’ it!