THIS INJUSTICE SHALL NOT STAND!!!
No no – not that skankbag Casey Anthony. I’m 20 kinds of done with that trick.
I’m talking about a REAL injustice that affects
us all some of us a few of us me!
A New York pet store is gettin’ all ‘not up in here!’ on hooch hounds who want to handle or purchase a pup.
“I feel like they always come in drunk,” said Fernanda Moritz, the manager of Le Petit Puppy at 18 Christopher St., which is located near several bars.
Moritz said many of her would-be customers stop in after Happy Hour around 6 p.m. so she’s countering that action with what I like to call Dour Hour where a bitch can’t buy or even HOLD a bitch if she’s had even a bit of boozy goodness.
“They come from there and say ‘let’s stop by to see the puppies,’” said Moritz.
No, but it’s serious.
So super-serious a situation it is that even Christopher Street’s Citipups forbids saucified shoppers from purchasing puppies.
LPP’s proprietor said she sold a Chihuahua some years ago to a woman she thought might have been drunk, only to have the dog returned the next day — in a near-dead state. “We took it to the vet and he found five pills in the dog’s stomach,” she said. “It almost overdosed.”
Amy Winehouse bought a dog?!
Note to PETA: The Chihuahua’s stomach was pumped, and it survived.
And this is where I would normally signal the winos of the world to UNITE and fight this horrible injustice because it’s a potentially very slippery slope — a possible lightning-speed downhill freefall from puppies to pants to pumps to pretty sparkly shininess or any of the many wondrous things I’ve been known to purchase when plastered.
And this is where I’d typically cue a fantastic freakout after the repulsive reality of having to be respectable in public (blech!), heel-toe stride capable (ptooey!!) and generally just run my shit a whole new way slapped me in the face like the cold, cold water Mr. Cookie has to sometimes employ to rouse this ho after an evening of firewater-fueled fun.
But I can’t.
Because this is bigger than me.
I realize that now.
So, yeah, ok.
Thinking it through … you know, maybe, perhaps, just possibly I could be persuaded to put down the Pinot …
… you know, for the puppies ‘n all …
‘Cuz I’m a hero like that.
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