Miracle in a Meemaw

February 18, 2011 at 1:44 pm 7 comments

As people all across this great globe of ours gather in concentrated prayer circles to birth messages of hope, love and ‘DON’T GO TOWARD THE LIGHT, OH MIGHTY TOOMER’S OAKS!’ and dispatch those dreams to the heavens on the wings of white doves – I had feared hope may be fading.

Reports are grim.
My outlook was getting dim.

Until I cast a beady, tear-filled eye upon a vision so pure I felt immediately infused with the light of a thousand candles wrapped in a thousand paper plates held by a thousand innocent children holding hands, singing soft, sweet songs as they walked through a field of wildflowers.

Yup, that good. For:


With absolutely no effort, plan or purpose whatsoEVER, Nanna Messiah shone the warm light of her sunny-sided SO WHAT-ery down upon me.

Nanna Messiah is a walking, smoking, drinking, diapered monkey-baby loving example of just how far mankind can go, just how much we can achieve when we give the old forearm shiver to fate followed by a gigantic F U to any fuckery that might befall us.

Queue the ‘AHHHHHH’

And so I — like Nanna Messiah — say fuck you to the jackbag who committed the felonious assault on our adored arbors as I hoist a cold one to all of my fellow timber treasurers and engage my powers of ultra heightened  hopification using the entirety of my newly enlightened, yet historically boozified heart.

Because Nanna Messiah IS … all else is possible.

Go children.
Spread the word.

Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, crime, culture, Easter, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, law enforcement, life, media, odd, photography, Uncategorized.

Another Great Moment in Asshattery This I know


  • 1. Ric  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    That photo proves beyond a doubt that apes are descended from humans. Darwin was right!

    • 2. Ric  |  February 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      …and I descended from a long line of incompetent tag-closers!

  • 3. luskanrumline  |  February 18, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    arr historically boozified heart, wonderful prose. Hailing the sound of ultra heightened hopification!

  • 4. writechic  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    I know you’re all peace and love and Jack, but if these trees give up the ghost, I hope they reincarnate as 7 plagues infesting and infecting Mr. Shit-Fer-Brains…

    First, ass herpes in prison.
    2) Syphilis in prison
    3) Tapeworms
    4) Chiggers
    5) Rat Lungworm (for a near death experience and come-to-Jesus)
    6) Joint Crab Lice/Bed Bug assault while in the hospital
    7) Then…Grand Finish…Candiru, the parasitic fish that swims into the urethra.

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    I’m trying to channel my best Auburn Creed face and do the right thing but woman – you and I are one the same fucking page here!

    Don’t forget the Necrotizing fasciitis we hope starts as painfully as possible in the BB’s that bastard calls is balls!

    • 6. writechic  |  February 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm

      I forgot about the flesh-eating bacteria. 8!!!! 8 Plagues for this roachcunt!

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    And more when we think of them!

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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