Jade: A Love Story

February 1, 2011 at 4:07 pm 4 comments


Yesterday afternoon Once upon a time, it seemed as if Cupid’s arrow had been tipped with magical happy love juice so almighty, so absolutely pure that any effort I might have made to try and ignore the inevitable would only prove a billion gozillion percent ineffectual and insane.

So, I figured – why bother.
The forces of nature were hard at work and there was no denying it.
It was love.

It was joy, bliss and sweaty-shaky-crackwhoregottahaveit LOVE all at first sight when I spotted her while secretly surfing Bakers looking for kinky kicks saw my love completely accidentally on some random website that popped up unannounced and uninvited while I was diligently producing, creating and decisionizing in the drab, dank little room where I toil each day in fitful, futile efforts to please ‘the man’.
::: give me a FUCKING WINDOW and shit might not go down this way! :::

But ‘lo – there she was!
Perfect from every angle!!

I had to have her — no matter how many consecutive minutes it would take me to shut down, drive out and get to the mall after work.

NO sacrifice is ever too great when fab footwear goes on sale true love is on the line!

Because this is no infatuation.

Nay!
Ours is a love better, hotter, truer and longer lasting than any loves that have ever loved before!

Better than Romeo and Juliet because there’s none of all that dying and boo hoo blah blah.
::: Whiney quitters :::

Hotter than Lancelot and Guinevere – even without the secret adulterous fucky times!
::: sssssinnerzzz! :::

Truer than Britney Spears’ Cheetos® devotion sans atrocious orange residue!!
::: nom nom nom :::

Longer lasting than the combined elephantine endurance of Mel Gibson’s internal rage and Charlie Sheen’s marrow-level attraction for all things capable of contributing to the delinquency of ANYTHING WITH A PULSE!

Yup.
My passion for ‘Jade’ eclipses all that shit today!!!

Brought together by boredom and a T-1 connection fate, finding each other was our destiny.

I love her.
We are one.

BEHOLD THE WONDROUS GLORY OF JADE AND FOREVER REVERE HER GREATNESS!!!

The End

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Entry filed under: advertising, blogging, comedy, culture, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, life, odd, photography, shopping, Uncategorized, vanity.

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4 Comments

  • 1. writechic  |  February 1, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Props to the happy couple!!! True love 4 ever and ever!!!

    You’re like one of the few that would understand my total girl crush on the Victoria’s Secret Miraculous bra. My B-cans totally accessorize to D-licious proportions:

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  February 1, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    It’s the ‘foundation’ items that bring the hotness! Everything else is just drapery 😉

    • 3. springdaddy  |  February 11, 2011 at 5:59 pm

      Well said.!
      I say leave the drapes at home. I like a woman with a solid foundation. 😉

  • 4. COMMAND PERFORMANCE! « Life Is A Cookie  |  August 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    […] Shoes ::: John meet Jade. Jade? John. […]



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