Flagrant Fowl!

January 30, 2011 at 5:14 pm 4 comments

::: And you don’t have to go all the way to Cairo to get it! :::

For anyone who might think otherwise — BE WARNED!!
Officials in Lakeland, Florida will only be pushed so far!

They have endured all they’re going to take and have been forced — FORCED! — to call in a team — A TEAM!! — of chicken chasers to rid the city of feral fowls.

In other news: Feral chickens are out there — and they’re a problem!
::: who knew?! :::

This weekend, Bay News 9 broke the devastating news of our newest national nightmare, explaining that the fearful folk of northwest Lakeland are terror-stricken over hundreds of chickens raising a ruckus and running amok in their midst.
::: repre-HEN-sible!!! :::

After months of rooster rebellion, city leaders finally brought the hell naw, started their own Cash for Cluckers program and called in the hired guns at Squeal Deal Animal Control to put the kibosh on this barnyard bedlam.

They had no choice!
Because this ain’t your average paltry poultry causing callamity in the community, people.

These cocks are cunning!

The buckaroos of cock-a-doodle-do say these chickens are both smart and fast!

Cruel combo!

In fact, there is only one deadlier duo known to man!!!
::: The one whose name we dare not speak! :::

“The chickens, this is their woods,” chicken chaser Clayton Keene cautioned.

They shit go underneath houses and cars and in trees. They know where to shit escape from you.”

Escape from you mere non-chicken chasing mortals, that is.

But not from the squad of superheros at Squeal Deal, who load up the evil egg-layers and take them to a secret hideout deep in the bowles of the county jail where no one hears your screams
facility so they can be punished de-feathered fried ‘counted’.
::: so that’s what we’re calling it now … :::


Once they’re ‘counted’ (if that’s what we’re calling it now) – some of the ferociously feathered will be donated to schools for ‘agriculture projects’ (if that’s what we’re calling them now) and others may be donated to charity organizations so they can be used for food.

What’s that you say?

Can a deviant coop-dweller for real and, like, truly be rehabilitated into a plate of delicious morselness??

According to Keene – THEY CAN!
::: YAY! :::

“A couple of the residents told me they have had them,” he said. “And that they are better than the store-bought chickens. I haven’t tried them myself, but they said they are.”

Good enough for me!!

Wild wings anyone??

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Calming Breaths … i … can’t


  • 1. 0whole1  |  January 30, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Oh, I dunno — I reckon all those burmese pythons people dumped in the woods because people realized, gee, these things really *don’t* make great pets do they, and are even now filling the everglades with baby snakes and snake poop’ll be enough to keep the feral children chicken population down.

  • 2. GreenEydGrrl  |  January 31, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    “These cocks are cunning!” – omg I think I peed a little.

    • 3. springdaddy  |  February 11, 2011 at 5:46 pm

      First Pigs…now Chickens…. Holy pork rinds and chicken wings Bat Girl! I think the deep fryer should be workin over time and the fine people of Shangrila should stay couped up until the forces of who declare it safe to mingle as Suburbanites once more….

      “These cocks are cunning!”~ Priceless… Missed ya Cookie 😉

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  February 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm


This is the shit you bitches are reading

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