Mr. Cookie APPROVED!

May 20, 2010 at 1:41 pm 25 comments

When Mr. Cookie and I go for walks through our neighborhood we routinely pass pet owners guiding leashed dogs along their morning/evening stroll.

And we used to do the same thing with our most perfect dog in the world EVER before he moved to the great dog-walk in the sky two years ago.

Except we did it with a pooper-scooper.
A really cool spring-loaded one that made it easy to handle the business end of the canine constitutional.

Not so much with most of the poopers we pass these days.

Coming across random caca at the crosswalk has become common.
Detecting deposited dung is now just part of the drill.

And hey — when ya gotta go ya gotta go and all — but how hard is it really to manage that mess?

Apparently harder for some than others — and the poopetrators in my neighborhood aren’t alone.

According to Tennessee-based BioPet Vet Lab, 40 percent of dog owners don’t pick up Products of Uranus. With 75 million dogs in the U.S., that adds up to 15 million un-scooped poops — that is if Mr. Preshuss only makes mud bunnies once a day.

And in Baltimore – there exists an excretor so egregious that the Scarlett Place condo board is proposing DNA testing on all canines in the complex just to get control of the crap!

“We pay all this money, and we’re walking around stepping in dog poop,” said resident Steven Frans, who is clearly tired of random chocolate kisses. “We bring guests over and this is what they’re greeted by.”

If the pooposal passes, dog owners would pay $50 per pup, covering the costs of tests and supplies, and an additional $10 per month for the cost of having building staff scoop the poop. Scarlett Place staff would then send the samples to a Tennessee-based company called BioPet Vet Lab.

Using all the dog swabs, BioPet would create a doggie doo database. The samples would be used to identify the the dastardly depositer who left the colon cookies and the owner would have to pay a $500 fine.


Kinda makes that spring-loaded googe-grabber look good right about now, eh? $15.99 … in stores now!


Entry filed under: blogging, culture, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, law enforcement, life, neighborhood, News, odd, reporting, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Timing is everything I WANT ONE!!!


  • 1. Ric  |  May 20, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Maybe we could put people to work carrying those spring-loaded crapper snappers behind Tea Partiers.

  • 2. writechic  |  May 20, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Craptastic humor! I have nothing to lend. I must need more coffee. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • 3. writechic  |  May 20, 2010 at 2:24 pm


      • 4. Ric  |  May 20, 2010 at 3:38 pm

        You’re back in form! Yes!!

  • 5. misplacedperson  |  May 20, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Well done on the poo euphemisms, nice work.

    • 6. Bitten by Reality  |  May 20, 2010 at 8:23 pm

      Wouldn’t that be “poo-phenisims”??

  • 7. Ric  |  May 20, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    Cookie can euphem with the best of them.

  • 8. Raul  |  May 20, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Cool cool…I will take two poopie pluckers please!

  • 9. GraceKay  |  May 20, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Yuck, but it’s true. It’s pretty bad when your kids go to play ball and you know either step in it or fall in it…. not pretty.

  • 10. BadWitch  |  May 20, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    What is up with this GROWING trend of people NOT scooping their dogs poop lately? Nationwide. If ya like it so much, then let them “fertilize” YOUR lawn. Crap!

  • 11. melanirae  |  May 20, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    have you seen the ad for the poo bag that you can strap to the dogs backside? Holy Fuck. It is hilarious. You never have to scoop again!!

  • 12. Songbird  |  May 20, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    Exactly!!! Dog owners, buy a pooper -scooper!!

  • 13. Thomas Stazyk  |  May 20, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    I used to be on the local community board and this was a perpetual agenda topic. There is nothing scarier than a self-righteous dog owner who thinks other people shouldn’t be bothered by his or her dog’s bombs.

  • 14. ubmbarb  |  May 20, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    In the morning, I go out and greet the dog walkers when they get to the beautiful green lawn in front of my apartment to have a chat. I hold plastic shopping bags in my hand and offer them to anyone who looks unprepared. The ones who don’t want to be bothered taking care of the dog doo change their route after that and don’t pass by again. It’s stopped a lot of the poopage that was trashing up the place where my kids play.

    • 15. sonsothunder  |  May 21, 2010 at 12:06 am

      Better playing on words, than turds…anyday..

    • 16. Jim Hagen  |  May 21, 2010 at 6:14 am

      Great idea! Your term ‘the ones who don’t want to be bothered” captures the issue perfectly. I’ve noticed that irresponsible dog owners are also irresponsible parents and property owners–they just can’t be bothered!

  • 17. Justim Magnus Childrwell Mellondred Grabes  |  May 20, 2010 at 10:41 pm


  • 18. Fernando Pacheco  |  May 20, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    Very convincing ad ๐Ÿ™‚

  • 19. sonsothunder  |  May 21, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Very good play on twords , keep up the great work.

  • 20. Matt  |  May 21, 2010 at 2:21 am

    Bahahaha I have to say I haven’t found poop so amusing since I was 8. Great writing and excellent use of caca words to emphasise your point.


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  • 22. The Gates of Lodore  |  May 21, 2010 at 3:40 am

    On a popular pedestrian path near my house, people bag their dog’s poop in little blue bags – and then chuck it on the ground. ??? Do they expect someone to come after them collecting it?

  • 23. Moranna  |  May 21, 2010 at 9:37 am

    In the Uk, if your dog leaves a ‘calling card’ you can be fined. I was so used to collecting my pet’s deposits – and bringing them home for disposal – that I don’t have any problemn with doing the same here in Spain. Unfortunately, there are plenty who do!

  • 24. Mark  |  May 24, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    Mr. Cookie after you pick it up where are you putting it? If your going to use a pooper scooper on a walk you need to use the Sooper Scooper. It picks it up drops it in a bag and you never even get near it.

  • 25. thecookie  |  May 25, 2010 at 1:22 am

    I WANT!
    I WAANT!!!

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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