You gotta want it BAAAAD!

March 30, 2010 at 10:08 am 4 comments

Listen up, ladies!

If you’ve been bringin’ the chunk and are just flat-out tired of fighting that flab then have I got good news for you!

You can say adios to Atkins and put away the Pilates equipment because diet and exercise are so last year!

All you need to get trim and toned is about $725, a boatload of Band-Aids and a preposterously-high threshold for pain.


The Dermaroller, last year’s cult beauty hit, is every girl’s gateway to getting gorgeous.

The needle-studded roller previously used a bunch of piddly 0.5-1.5mm pins for facial firming-upping but inventor Michael Prager went all ‘pffeh! on that mess and pimped that bitch OUT with 3mm needles to tortuously target your saggiest sections!


The roller works by piercing the tiny blood vessels in the top layer of skin.
The resulting [ow] bleeding [ow] releases platelets, which help to repair and regenerate connective tissues, stimulating the production of collagen. It’s the same principle that applies to facial peels [ow] and laser skin treatments [ow].

However, rather than damaging the top layer of skin – the way both of peels and lasers do – the 20-minute Dermaroller treatment penetrates straight through into the dermis.

Oh yes! A bloody good show, indeed!

After a topical anaesthetic cream is applied to the area being treated, the device is rolled across the skin 16 times in a star-shaped formation, creating around 250 tiny punctures per centimeter square inch. You couldn’t treat an area bigger than a stomach, for example, in one session.

‘Even with the anaesthetic cream, the process was agony,’ victim patient Stephanie Jones explained. ‘For the last five minutes I was screaming. But I suppose it’s still less painful than a tummy tuck. I walked out of the clinic straight after, and although I was bruised the next day, I didn’t need painkillers.’

Two weeks after her treatment Stephanie’s stretch marks began fading and the folds of loose skin on her tummy were tightening.

So it’s savage … but it’s successful.


Well, for Stephanie it sure is! That hot slut is going back for seconds!

And me?
Well, I say (wo)Man-UP and get a total body makeover! Go full Iron-Maiden or go home, wimps!


Entry filed under: blogging, culture, fun, funny, Gossip, health, humor, life, odd, vanity. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

{{{{{ SHON! }}}}} WWJD?


  • 1. sprindaddy  |  March 30, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Health and beauty treatments only serve one purpose. It makes a woman even more crazyassallmememe then she was just previous to cutting the check for the latest fixmysorrylazyass. I speak from experience when I say the most beautiful woman is the one that keeps herself happy and healthy without all the gizmo’s, gadgets, and sculpting bladery….’Cause once that knife, pill or gizmo hits her breathing water filled body, watchout! Crazy shit creates itself within.

    Keep it simple ladies, you’re beautiful just the way you were created.

  • 2. thecookie  |  March 30, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Us ‘Naturals’ love you too, Springdaddy!!

    Just don’t go puttin’ my beloved boozies in that category — you KNOW that shit makes everything(one) look better! You know it does 😉 hehe

    • 3. writechic  |  April 1, 2010 at 12:23 am

      OMG, terrifying. And funny thing, I was just asking my ex who’s a physical therapist if it is possible to get my lower abs big enough to fill in the Rand-McNally number the kids did on my stomach!

      He says, “Just get a tummy tuck.” I was all, “This is why were divorced.”

      Then he said it’s possible, but I don’t think you’ll do it. Which is why we’re divorced. 🙂

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  April 1, 2010 at 10:03 am


This is the shit you bitches are reading

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