February 1, 2010 at 11:19 am 1 comment

I am sad.

In my super sparkly Girl Crush Hall of Fame are worthies like Angelina Jolie, Salmmmmmma Hayek, the HBIC herself and, of course, the hotness that is Whitney Harding.

There was a time when I would have also put Kristen Bell in the GCHOF.
A time, that is, before I found out that Kristen Bell is cunt bitch.

She is.

KB Toy and Hobby is out there whining because the elderly dog she adopted after Hurricane Katrina is *gasp* still alive four years later and now – at the MIRACLE age of 16 – hasn’t shown Kristen the courtesy of just fucking croaking already.
::: and it IS a miracle age … as anyone (including yours truly) who has ever had the privilege of caring for a truly elderly being can attest … 😡 :::

When she adopted Sadie, Kristen was all, “I’m honored to be a part of such an enormous life-saving effort. I applaud all the shelter and rescue groups who have made this program the success that it is. I encourage everyone to consider pet adoption, as I hope it will enhance your life as much as it has mine.”

Mmmmm hmmm – how time does pervert perspective …

“I adopted this dog from Katrina when she was 12 ’cause I work with a shelter and they had a bunch of dogs and I said, ‘I’ll take the oldest one, I can care for her.’
“Cut to four years later, (I’m) actually thinking she may be a real-life vampire and never die.”


“She’s almost totally blind and deaf.”
::: umm ya, that kinda happens sometimes with age, dumbass :::

“When she’s in the house, you can hear her pooping from the other room, it’s like bowling balls dropping. She’s semi-crippled in the house and she breathes like Darth Vader.””

Uhh hellllooooo?!? SIXTEEN!?!

Kristen – hear me – because I don’t want to think that all hope is lost for you.

When living things get old they are a lot like living things when they are new – kinda helpless and need lots and lots of TLC, attention and patience. Got that pumpkin?

Your dog is 16 magnificently miraculous years old! A survivor!

Think of her as you would a senile 100+ year-old grandmother who sometimes doesn’t have the physical stamina or mental awareness to get herself to the proper facilities when nature calls. Would you be hoping the old broad would just take her last breath already so you didn’t have to put up with her probs?

On second thought, Kristen – don’t answer that – because I don’t want to think that all hope is lost for you.


Entry filed under: blogging, celebrity, culture, Gossip, life, News, odd, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized, vanity. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

One year ago today … J-School for TV 101

1 Comment

  • 1. jingle  |  February 1, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    cheer up,
    awesome post.

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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