January 28, 2010 at 11:28 am 2 comments

There are some things I do not want.

1. I do not want to hear about your infection, Bruce.
Not unless you think it’ll kill you. Then I might attempt to feign interest. Maybe.

2. I do not want to watch you adjust yourself every fucking time you stand up.
This means YOU, Nate! Fucking QUIT IT!

3. And I don’t want to have images of Bill Gates table-dancing burned into my head.
Uh, ya, thanks for that, NYP.

According to The Posts’s Page Six, Wild Bill and his floppy, uhh, disc were spotted at the Sundance Film Festival gyrating “in a VIP booth until 2 a.m. Everybody was snapping photos of him until his security rushed him out the back door after he tipped a waitress $500.”

Kinda makes me wonder how big the RAM is in his hard drive.

I mean, it’s not that I think Bill shouldn’t get his groove on because I firmly feel that everyone should. Every day! Lots!!
It’s just that some folks need to keep that shit to themselves.

Bill is one of those folks.

Because when folks like Bill set out to get they swerve on, it invariably ends up resembling an all-out epileptic episode or convulsive seizure or some fruncked-up mess that makes me go all ‘eww’ before I get all ‘awww’ and start to feel bad for the poor, retarded so-and-so because they didn’t know any better or – worse – thought they had moves to begin with … but in a way that makes me feel all ‘ha!’ because I can do the paso doble or bring on the break-dancing and I just might even show you the stanky leg if I’ve been properly primed — which makes me feel super superior because it’s at that precise moment that I realize I’m actually better at something than those folks which makes me one step more perfect than they are which, when I really put it all into perspective, is a giant slice of way cool multiplied by the the power of ten million rainbows because my logic has just proven that I am better than Bill Gates and that’s something I DO WANT … but now my head hurts really bad for some reason and I think I need to lie down …


Entry filed under: blogging, celebrity, comedy, culture, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, life, Music, News, odd, photography, reporting, unbelievable. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

You know who you are One year ago today …


This is the shit you bitches are reading

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: