Oh for the love of …

January 22, 2010 at 8:37 pm 2 comments


I bear witness to the truest devotion ever to exist in the history of all histories in humanity.
::: outside of my complete commitment to all things Auburn, that is :::

I speak of a love that knows no bounds.
I speak of a love that burns brighter than the flames of a thousand suns!
I speak of a love more magnificant than Jim Eastabrook’s follicular masterpiece!!
I speak of a love unrivaled by even the craziest of crazy crazies!!!!

I speak of Dolly … or, rather, the unbridaled affection – nay – Adoration – NoOBSESSION my friend Kattrin has for the lady, the legend: Dolly Parton.

“Dolly is the guiding principle of my life,” Kattrin broadcast over the intercom system at our office before security could stop her. “If I even think Dolly would disapprove, I don’t do it.”

Do what?
Exactly.

And that’s why I Kattrin!

Because – unlike some people who shall go unnamed but who’s initials are Everyone Who Doesn’t Know The Auburn Fight Song By Heart – she understands the power of pure love, ultimate sacrifice and well, more importantly, what can happen when your midday meal is a mix of mostly meds and Mohitos.

“Dolly has tremendous drive and talent! She is extremely witty, which means she is super smart because you can’t be witty without being intelligent. YOU JUST CAN’T!” she enthusiastically explained over the cacophony of approaching sirens.

“She wears horrendous clothes – and she does it with pride!” she continued as Officer Lasalde gently guided her out of the building. “Did you know Dolly is the 4th of 12 children?” she probed.

He didn’t.
She recoiled in obvious disgust.

“So you didn’t know then that after she got famous, she took several of her younger siblings and raised them?! You didn’t know that? Seriously?!? Good GAWD! Uh, what about YOU??” she turned and asked of the ambulance crew.

They didn’t.
She raged.

“WHO FUCKING RAISED YOU PEOPLE?! ACK!!! My god – Dolly has the BEST stories about her childhood in Sevierville. Plus she strongly believes in her own faith – but you know why she is so wonderful? Huh? Do you? It’s because she doesn’t make me do the same AND she doesn’t judge me when we hang out. Because we totally hang out. Like, every day. All the tiiiiiime,” her voice trailed off as he IV went to work.

“You don’t understaaaaaand!” came a muffled cry as they drove away.

They didn’t.
But I do.

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Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

Because it’s Friday … WWBQQD?

2 Comments

  • 1. writechic  |  January 23, 2010 at 1:20 am

    What a treasurable little vignette from a day in the life of Cookie! OMG.

    I had to look up Mohito, and I feel less bad for not knowing what it is because I NEVER touch rum. Ever. Or I toss my cookies.

    Wonder what I would go on about in such a state.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  January 23, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    I bet it would be political in nature — and funny as hell!



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