Melonious Assault!

January 5, 2010 at 11:31 am 5 comments



Australia should give Jana Rawlinson every Olympic gold medal in every sport they have ever played in every Olympic Games ever held as well as the keys to the entire fucking country and, well, just put her up there on top of all things Down Under right this very second because no one loves Australia more than her!!!

No one!!!!!

See, Jana’s an Olympic hurdler and, as female athletes go, she wasn’t exactly raw motorboatin’ material, if you know what I’m sayin’ …
So Jana tweaked the twins for a fully femme physique buuuuutt — hindsight being 20/20 and all — ended up gettin’ all second-thoughty about it.

“Every time I raced I panicked about whether I was letting my country down, all for my own vanity.”

She was panicked, people … for her country!

“I absolutely loved having bigger boobs, but I don’t want to short-change Australia either.”

In case you missed the geography lesson – for patriots like Jana, that is the precise location where Rock and Hard Place intersect.

“I want to feel the most athletic I can, to know that I’m standing on the track in London (at the 2012 Olympics) the fittest I can be.”

So what did homegirl do?
She spent $13,000 on two operations over the past 14 months to bring her bod back to 13-year-old boy shape.

The bitch bagged her breastesesssss!!!!
“Yep, I’m back to being flat as a pancake,” she said.

Game. Set. Match!
I mean, unless they’re leaking toxins, causing cancer or are two wholly different sizes — ANY time a woman willingly expels her own implants is serious — but when she does it for her country?!? Well, that is serious to infinity!!

Fuck!
She cut out her chi chi’s … for her country!!!!!!!

I say she doesn’t even have to compete!
Just crown her queen of all Olympics EVER right the fuck now!!!!!

DAAAAAAYUM!!!

 

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Entry filed under: blogging, culture, Gossip, health, humor, life, Sports. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

Why the South will never rise again A Thing of Beauty …

5 Comments

  • 1. writechic  |  January 5, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    Hooters aside, someone sent me this from your email account. I excluded the website in case it was a worm. xoxox, Melissa

    “Hello
    How are you doing recently?
    I would like to introduce you a very good company which i knew. Their
    website is xxxxx They can offer
    you all kinds of electronical products which you need,like Laptops
    ,GPS ,TV LCD,Cell Phones,PS3,MP3/4,Watch etc……..
    Please take some time to have a check ,there must be something you ‘d
    like to purchase .
    Hope you have a good mood in shopping from their company !
    Best Regards!!!”

  • 2. writechic  |  January 5, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    P.S. I responded privately, but got the same email returned. Just so ya know.

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  January 6, 2010 at 12:36 am

    you got this from mmmm.lifeisacookie@gmail.com?

    FUCKING HACKBASTARDS!!!
    I’m on an IP manhunt!!!

  • 4. writechic  |  January 6, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Yes, I did. Tear ’em up, girl. 😉

  • 5. האנה מונטנה  |  January 17, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    בדיקה של מה המערכת מסננת


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