Prayz Jezuz

December 30, 2009 at 11:17 am 5 comments


Oh Mississippi – you assbackward bumbled bunch of statehood, you … how you do amuse me.

PROfoUnDLY plodding through life last among all states when it comes to health care and tirelessly trolling the bottom waters of public education — that ‘We’re Number ONE!’ flag you fly as the fattest in our federation now has company!

WOO HOO!!!

A new study from the fine folks over at the Pew Research Center says you, Mississippi, are also Numero Uno among the God Squad of American states.

That’s right, homegirl — you’re tops in two! Whoddathunkit?!

Pew’s Forum on Religion & Public Life used polling data in four categories to rank states for the survey: the importance of religion in people’s lives; frequency of attendance at worship services; frequency of prayer; and absolute certainty of belief in God.

Mississippi — sanctimonious little slut that you are — stood out on all four measures.

SUPERACHIEVERY SPECIALICIOUSNESS!!!

Eighty-two percent of the ‘Sippians said religion is very important in their lives.
::: yeah, but so are hamhocks and backfat … :::

Sixty percent said they attend religious services at least once a week.
::: well, I ‘spect it’s easier than math homework … :::

Seventy percent said they prayed at least once every day.
::: after they go Wal-Mart’n, that is … :::

And a whopping, supreme among all states ninety-one percent of Magnolia Staters said they believe in God with absolute certainty … which no one can dispute is a fucking goddamn miracle considering how amazingly alarmingly little else they know with absolute certainty.

Oh yeah — ya ain’t done shit in this life, girl, but theyz rewahhdz a’comin’ in the afterlife!
HOOooooooodawgeez!

Advertisements

Entry filed under: blogging. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

One more day … Limited Time Offer!!!

5 Comments

  • 1. conditionalcognition  |  December 30, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    I wonder how the being the fattest state affects their health care programs. Yikes!

    I’m guessing you don’t have people from Mississippi reading your blog. By the way, I like your smack-talking style. It’s a fun read.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  December 30, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    Well, I’d like to think I’d have a couple of them reading it … if they could read, that is 😉

    • 3. writechic  |  December 31, 2009 at 3:42 am

      Oh, no. Theyz all illiterate in stuff. Big fat dummies.

  • 4. Type Writer  |  January 3, 2010 at 4:07 am

    The great thing about reading Cookie’s blog and Writechic’s is that it blows away the myth that the South is one monolithic bloc of folks united in their hatred of them damned Yankees and the War Amongst The States. BTW, Cookie, how many times did your heart stop during yesterday’s bowl game against Northwestern? 🙂

    Type “Big Ten” Writer

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  January 3, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    A few — especially when Ben Tate lost his mind spiking the ball — but hey, I might have too 😉

    All I know is that it was rainy as hell in Tampa – but man was it fun!



Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: