Move over Roger Stephens!
There’s a new champion in the crotchety old coot category – and he’s only 44!
Michigan moron and all-around menace to society Daniel Allen –>
gave a big ol’ Fuck YOU! to the tried and true ‘GET OFF MY LAWN!’ old-man rant when some kids accidentally tossed a football in his yard recently.
That verbal shit just doesn’t cut it, see!
Instead, Allen got all snatchy-fingers, brought the hell naw when the ballers begged for it back and let his inner-rage marinate juuuust long enough to come to a full boil … which
[!FUN FACT ALERT!]
took exactly the same amount of time it took for a kid’s parent to get involved!
When the parent walked up and asked Allen for the ball, dickhead decided to dispence with all semblance of decorum and go straight for the OWWWW!
“The suspect went nose to nose with the victim and then bit him on the mouth,” said Detective Capt. Richard Maierle. “The bite went nearly all the way through his mouth.”
He just took a chunk out of me and grabbed my neck, scratched me… quite a few marks,” said Winfred Fernandes. “He bit through my lip.”
::: someone needs a Tyson Target Practice refresher!! :::
Fernandes was taken to the hospital and Allen was taken in handcuffs.
Allen, who *SHOCK* was arrested on assault charges in 1997, entered a not guilty plea at his arraingment.
Allen is charged with aggravated assault with intent to maim which — if convicted — comes giftwrapped just in time for the holidays with a shiny new 10-year felony sentence.
Try fitting that under the tree!
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