Archive for September, 2009

More like sWHINE flu …


mansonSo, this bitch announces on his Facebook Page that he has swine flu.
::: Why do the famous assume we need to know all their shit MACKENZIE PHILLIPS!?!?!? ::::::

“So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that fucking a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have, in “no way” contributed to me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive. M

Ok Karma … it’s showtime!

And Mar, honeybun?
It was probably something everything you ate, fatass!

Yes, Lolzkidz – I’ve had my haterade today …

September 24, 2009 at 10:27 am 3 comments

SEE?!


This is some Book of John shit right here!

A 60-year-old woman, blind for nearly a decade, can see again!

But “God” God can’t take the credit for this one. Nuh uh!

That honor goes to a team of “Doctor” gods at the Bascom Palmer Eye Institute at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine who performed an unusual but revolutionary surgery on the Mississippi grandmother.

MAD PROPS, DOC DUDES!!!

Sharron Thornton suffers from Stevens-Johnson syndrome and was rendered blind after an allergic reaction to a medication which damaged her cornea. She had tried many medical procedures, including gene therapy, but nothing brought her sight back.

“Being blind was horrible after seeing for 51 years,” she said.

The procedure she had in Miami — get ready to be amazed and impressed but, yeah, probably also a little freaked out — involved implanting one of her teeth into her eye as a base to hold a tiny plastic lens.

No foolin’!
It’s the tooth!!

“We take sight for granted, not realizing that it can be lost at any moment,” she said after the surgery. “This truly is a miracle.”

Because a lot of patients’ bodies reject transplanted or artificial corneas, American doctors — for the first time ever — used an Italian-pioneered procedure called (don’t hurt yourself on this one) osteo-odonto-kerato-prosthesis in which the canine or “eyetooth” and surrounding bone are extracted, shaved and sculpted. Doctors then drill a hole into it to insert an optical cylinder lens.

Freakycool, right?!? But there’s more!

The tooth and the lens are then implanted under the patient’s skin in the cheek or shoulder for two months so they could bond. Once bonded, they are implanted in the center of the eye after a series of procedures to prepare the socket.

“A hole is made in the mucosa for the prosthetic lens, which protrudes slightly from the eye and enables light to re-enter the eye allowing the patient to see once again,” read an Eye Institute statement.

And just like the dude in John 9:25 … Thornton now too can say ‘whereas I was blind, now I see’.

Biblical AND Scientifical – YAY!!!

Thornton said people should imagine what it is like “if you could keep your eyes closed just for one week … it’s amazing what you see when you open your eyes again.”

Her bandages were removed two weeks ago and she was able to recognize objects and faces a few hours later. She is now able to read a newspaper.

But what does she most want to see?
You guessed it – the fam!

“I’m looking forward to seeing my seven youngest grandchildren for the first time,” said Thornton.

Rock ON science!

iluvbp

SOURCE
SOURCE

September 23, 2009 at 10:22 am 1 comment

I think I met her ;)


September 22, 2009 at 10:56 am

Dear Delta Airlines …


hatedelta
It’s true … but let’s be clear …

I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they have compromised scheduling.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they have crappy in-flight movies.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because their planes smell funkerrific.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they can’t control the weather.

I hate Delta Airlines because when ‘things happen’ – as is the natural course of ‘things’ – Delta Airlines and it’s shitass staff are incapable of handling it in a courteous and professional manner … or, well, sheeeeeyut – at ALL!

When my flight Sunday was delayed due to bad weather at my connect — the good old ATL — I took it as an unforeseen opportunity to write a bit on the book.
I’m a multi-tasker like that!

When we took off more than an hour late, I didn’t sweat it because all of the other planes headed to or leaving from Atlanta were late too!
We’re all in the same boa … err … plane!

When we finally landed in Atlanta, taxied to our gate and sat there like caged mice for an extra half hour because, according to our inept flight crew leader Debbie Dinbleberry, ‘hehe, umm, teehee, the jetway seems to be broken … we are soooooooo sorry!!!’ — I interpreted that to mean the crew understood that our initial delay was being further exascerbated by this mechanical problem and were on the radio hard at work getting information about connecting flights for their hostages passengers.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

They weren’t.

‘I am sooooooo sorry!!!’ Dinglebutt laments over the public address system. ‘We have alerted ALL of the people who need to be notified about this and they are ALL going to get on this as soon as they can so that we can get everyone safely to their next destination!! Thanks for choosing Delta!!’

They are notifying ‘people’ about the jetway malfunction so we know that there ARE working radios on board, yet no one thinks to get information about connecting flights?!
Beads of sweat form on the upper lip of the woman behind me headed to Rotterdam.

32 minutes later …
‘That was a WONDERFUL dress rehearsal for the real thing everyone!’ Dinglefuck instructs the huddled masses. ‘Now, if we could all take our seats, the captain has been given a gate change assignment so we can all go home!’

By the time we rolled to the new gate and everyone had deplaned, everyone’s connection
— let me repeat —
EVERYONE’S CONNECTION had been missed.

Oh, but it wasn’t just our flight. It happened all over the airport.
And you know what?
I have NO problem with flights getting missed or cancelled or whatnot.

Weather happens!

What I DO have a problem with is an airline so apparently completely unprepared to deal with ‘things’.

Adding insult (i.e. dumbfuck in-flight crew leader) to injury (i.e. terminals customer_serviceoverflowing with pissy passengers) were the Delta Airlines ‘customer service’ gals — whose only talent as far as I could tell were making elder persons cry, ignoring the infirm and shouting ‘EXCUUUUSE ME, SIR!’ to anyone who had the audacity to *gasp* inquire about getting on another flight or Delta’s hotel voucher policy.
::: takes ALL the fun out of people watching! :::

Just so you know — if you are unlucky (or braindead) enough to have booked a Delta Airlines flight and you get bumped, miss your connect or, well, just have a question you need an answer to — that is NOT what Delta Customer Service does, mmmkay??

But — if you want to be maligned, ignored or just made to feel like you are the biggest boil on the butt of humanity — Delta Customer Service definitely has something to say to YOU!

And FUDELTA1to Delta Airlines I say a heartfelt and well-deserved Fuck You.

I didn’t fly you for a long time but gave you another shot … and was rudely reminded why, exactly, it was I stopped choosing Delta.

I DO have many choices when it comes to air travel and it won’t be with you – ever again.

Oh and not for nothing — but the children of the very old, wheelchair-bound woman should sue your sorry asses for paying a truly unholy hellbeast to scream at her for 10 solid minutes because she committed the grievous infraction of not understanding how she would get home after missing her flight (and kudos to the group who stepped in on her behalf).
Seriously kids — if you do, email me for the depo!

September 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm 5 comments

FOX Viewership FAIL


thanxfox
I know I love a good infroming!
Nothing better in my view than a rock-solid infroming!!
Infroming for everyone!!!

Wheeeee!!!!! ….
No. Just kidding …

I feel sick just having seen this überetardationary display of moronitude.
Prolly need to drink heavily for a few days …

Peace out ’till my gag reflex completely recovers!

In the meantime … because we all need it after that mess … I give you the best most sparkliest wonderful thing ever created in the history of all of mankind: Terry Tate.

September 16, 2009 at 10:25 am 3 comments

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze :(


NOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Curse you Summer of Death!!!!!

patrick-swayze-dirty-dancingPatrick Swayze, who made me want to grab my grenade launcher and fuck shit up as Jed Eckert …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to grind it like I mean it as Johnny Castle …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to buy a bunch of clay and make shit as Sam Wheat …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to bust some HEADS as James Dalton …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to catch a major curl as Bohdi …

… has lost his battle against pancreatic cancer and died …

… at the justfuckingwaytoosoon age of 57.

😦

September 15, 2009 at 10:35 am 3 comments

R.I.P. “Norma Rae”


sutton1Bow your heads, take a moment and say a little prayer, for the Summer of Death has laid claim to another.

The woman who inspired the 1979 movie ‘Norma Rae’ has died.

North Carolina’s Crystal Lee Sutton (at left with Sally Field) lost her long battle with brain cancer.
She was only 68.

Sutton’s fight to change the insultingly low pay and devilishly poor conditions at the Southern textile plant where she worked was chronicled in the 1975 book Crystal Lee, a woman of inheritance by New York Times reporter Henry Leifermann.

deniedThe book was later made into the legendary Academy-award winning movie — shot at the (not so legendary) Golden Cherry Motel and Opelika Manufacturing Company in Opelika, Alabama.

Unfortunately – or perhaps sadly fittingly – Sutton died just as she lived – struggling against a corporate bully … only this time it was the health insurance company delaying her treatment.

Godspeed Crystal Lee … Godspeed.

September 15, 2009 at 10:19 am 3 comments

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