Udderly Ridiculous

June 22, 2009 at 4:08 pm 7 comments

A human coathanger walks out of the house in a see-through blouse …

No, this isn’t a riddle … but it is a joke.

While you were busy siphoning gas from your neighbor’s car so you could make it to the unemployment office before the other nine thousand loiterers show up, other people were busy trying to solve real problems.

Limp nips.
::: Who knew?!? :::

This epic dilemma seemed to hit a tipping point after couture-loving international food hater Victoria Beckham was caught accidentally on purpose doing some super-serious raisin smuggling — resulting in an all-out firestorm of fake-titty frenzy!

Are they real? Are they fake? Are they fake?! Are they real? Real? Fake?! Fake!?! Real?!?

Deep breaths … sssshhhhhh … calm down.
It’s ok — it’s not a trick question. It’s Victoria Beckham.

British Titologist Dr. Riccardo Frati said, ‘In the past I’ve had patients coming to my surgery clutching pictures of celebrities like Katie Price and saying: “I’d like breasts like hers” but now there’s a chance that Mrs. Beckham’s designer nipples could be the next big thing for 2009’.


But seriously — while [a very small] part of me’s all ‘Who can blame the bitch for gettin’ her teet meat treated? Skeletor would practically disappear sideways if something [other than her pelvic bones] didn’t stick out!’ — the other 99.9999% of me is all ‘I’m gonna spend thousands for surgical results I already get for free with an auboobsunpadded bra and a little A/C? HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Noooooo.’

Weeelllllll, not unless I can really tweak the twins …



Entry filed under: blogging, community, culture, entertainment, fashion, funny, Gossip, health, humor, life, media, odd, photography, unbelievable, Uncategorized, vanity. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Just asking … R.I.P Ed McMahon


  • 1. hossboss  |  June 22, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    Are those really yours?

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  June 22, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    HOSSBOSS!!! You usually just send me threatening emails — but look at you!! You’ve graduated to full-on commenting, you hot slut!!

    But, ahem, back to business and on to your ever-so-eloquently-stated question — those beautiful Auburn logos? Yes, they are part of my personal collection. 😉

  • 3. eclectnik  |  June 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    hi Lifeisacookie, thanks for pointing out what was pointing out!
    I have been taking life drawing classes for a year or so and now life painting classes, so I have probably seen and studied more breasts and nipples than average, even for a mid-life crisis married man. I’ve seen so many I can even look at bare ladies and pretend not to be excited, though that is just a bluff. My pictures on http://eclectnik.wordpress.com may be rubbish, but who cares! Sorry, carried away. Anway what I really meant to say is that in at least 99.9999% of cases I believe surgery should be a NO-NO because what nature gives you is beautiful. Variations in size, shape, colour and of course air-conditioning just add spice to life.
    And besides I don’t believe Victoria B is a real person, just the prototype for Stepford Footballers’ Wives

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  June 24, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    The human form is total hotness, Eclectnik! More power to you!

    I like your nudes — and agree 100% about VB being more cyborg and so-so personage.

    I love that you’re embracing your art — everyone should do more of that. Creativity is LIFE!

  • 5. eclectnik  |  June 24, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Why thank you!

    Your blog is great – I have subscribed (something I have never done before) so keep it up!

    And if those twins in the picture ever need a tweak…

  • 6. springdaddy  |  June 24, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    Holey Guacamole’ I’ve been away too long!! Nothin like the fine nature of a bodyliscious story to draw me back in though. I can’t say that I have ever seen as many as nik but I would seriously be willing to take that task on…..I love’em all!!! and college symbols are a plus..

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  June 24, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    It’s all real estate, right?
    Double-frontage with a view and all 😉

This is the shit you bitches are reading

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: