Dumb Bitch of the Day

June 16, 2009 at 4:51 pm 1 comment


Old and Busted: During a spat with the spouse, the wife gets all ‘Shuddit or move out!’

New Hotness: He does!

It happened this month in Oregon when Pam and William Peterson got all pissy-pants with each other one night and Pammy told ol’ Bill he could just move the fuck out if he didn’t like things her way – so, well, he kinda did!

Dude grabbed some gear and got the hell out, taking what sounds like a truly well-deserved break to get his fish on.

He just forgot one teensy little detail: Informing the missus, who let herself marinate in her madness for a couple of days before going into dumb bitch hyperdrive and filing a missing person’s report on his waywardness.

Seems Will chunked her the deuce and made a break for it on June 6.
When she couldn’t fix the screen door and that lightbulb finally blew he didn’t show up for work a few days later, Pam thought it might be time to give the boys in blue a front-row seat to the soon-to-be public show of her marital discord.

Cornelius Police Commander Ed Jensen said the search for the maligned mate involved the U.S. Forest Service, as well as law enforcement officers from Linn, Lane and Marion counties. He estimated that thousands of dollars were spent on the search caused by Pam’s pissy hissy.

“On one day we had eight people who devoted all their time to looking for this individual,” he explained. “I don’t know if that was on overtime or not.”

Pity that — especially since Will called the ball-and-chain a week later “to see if he was welcome home.”

Raise a hand if you would LOVE to hear that phone call!!

Pam Peterson told reporters she wanted to apologize for the situation, but said she wouldn’t have anything more to say about it.
::: She’s a woman … there will be more said. :::

Despite being duped this time, Jensen said police will always investigate reports of people who are missing, adding “we need the full story from the start,” Jensen said.

And, as for the po-po getting paid back for their missing person’s probe?
“I’m pretty sure there is no recourse at this time (but) it definitely tied up a lot of resources that, in this day and age of tight budgets, could make a lot of difference.”

Editor’s Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
But no.
This is serious.
Do not try this at home. Don’t do it!
Oh, I know you’ve all wanted to do it and I know it’s tempting – especially when we rain crazy down upon your sorry ass day-in / day-out. But we’re women. We can’t help it. It’s part of our DNA.
So — for serious and totally — don’t even think about trying this at home because sometime, somewhere the sweet precious you call ‘honey’ will bring eternal pain by the bucketload for your completely inappropriate condescension, making you wish you’d poured battery acid in your ears to escape her screechified blah blah, which sounds fine and all — until you try to catch PTI on ESPN and realize you’re no lip-reader.
Yup. Not worth it.

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Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, crime, culture, entertainment, family, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, law enforcement, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

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1 Comment

  • 1. Noni  |  June 16, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    I think you have to give up your woman card now, Cookie …


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