Digestive deliverance

June 15, 2009 at 2:39 pm

I know I’ve picked on you, Southerners of America, but now is your time to shine!!

The economy’s already made mincemeat out of the automotive industry, the retail electronics industry, the teaching industry, the home improvement industry, the banking industry and, well, it’s just industry-cide any way you slice it — and now that beast is giving the ‘you’re next, sucka’ side-eye to the restaurant industry.

Well, primarily the drowning-in-debt, mall-friendly, eat-in, family-style restaurants and pick-up shops like Perkins, Sbarro, Captain D’s and Krispy Kreme — where a family of four can carbo-load and get their mega-calorie on for right around $6 per person – OR LE$$.

These snack shacks pack so much liability that they’re all on Standard and Poor’s watchlist of companies in danger of a downgrade … and I think we all know what comes next.

That’s right!
No more HOT DOUGHNUTS NOW beckoning you hither with the promise of warm gooey deliciousness when the bar kicks you out at 2 and the Krystal is closed.
::: HORROR!!! :::

That just

It’s time to get down to business and do what you do best!
Strap on that feedbag, bitches!!

I have faith in you! I know you can do it!!

In a 2008 government survey, your circumfrences were the country’s Top fatok10 chunkiest!
YOU are dining’s Delta Force!

If anyone can save these esteemed establishments from economic euthanisia – it’s YOU Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Louisiana, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, Georgia, Oklahoma and Texas!

So haul your thunder thighs on down the road and Git R DUN!!!
Your country is counting on you!


Entry filed under: blogging, culture, entertainment, Gossip, life, News, restaurants, unbelievable. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

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